[CENTER]Three years ago I was in a realationship and my boyfriend and we were going out for a year and three months already. We would fight all the time and he would always put me down and feel like nothing, and sometimes even cheat but then we would always make up and everything would be fine. We would go back to saying I love you and being all lovey dovey but I wouldn't be soon until the same thing happened over again. He finally left me for another girl and left me devistated. I got over him and rebuilt my self-esteem. I became queens in pagents, won talent shows with my talent in dancing, a leader in my community, I had the most best friends a girl could ask for!! Soon I graduated then started going to collage at the local community collage. I saw big things for future. Throughout those three years that me and my boyfriend didn't talk I became so furious with him that I swore to myslef I would never ever talk to him or let him affect my life in any way! The reason I was so furious with him was because he would start rumors about me and say horrible things that also left me devisted. He still denys it to this day but people knew things only he would know. One day I stumbled across my ex boyfriends profile on myspace and wondered what he had been up to for three years. I had already forgave him for everything and didn't really care to look to the past. I finally wrote him he was shocked to hear from me cause he knew that before I didn't like him one bit. We started talking on the phone and taking late night walks around the neighborhood just talking about everything and reminising on the past. Before I knew it he told he loved just three days after we had started talking. I never wanted a relationship as a girlfriend with him all I ever inteded for was just to be friends. I felt almost like god says he needs your help just be there for him. So I thought long and hard about it and the truth is I never got over him I loved him more than anything. I shocked myself because I had been hiding this from myself the whole time. I told him I loved him and soon we were going out again. He told me how he had regreted leaving me so bad and that he always wondered what if me and him could have been... Now were together almost two months now and I might be pregnant... probably am... most likeley am... I feel so distant from him now he goes off and then doesn't answer my phone calls I asked about and he finally admitted he had a drug problem. He wants to stop and has cried to me about it. Now I know why god told me he needed my help. He doesn't try though!! We don't talk much, don't have fun together, it seems all we ever do is sleep watch TV and have sex everyday. He says he loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of his life but why do I feel like this isn't true?? I also asked him if the baby is something he really wants and he says yes. I am so sad all the time I don't enjoy things like I used to. He still puts me down the way he used to.He goes out with his friend all the time and stays out late then expects me to go over after to put him to sleep. I find myself crying a lot just like I am doing now. I don't think I want this baby because I am so young and have big dreams for myself. I don't want him to affect my life for nothing!! What do I do I am running out of time and need to make a desion soon.
