Recently my girlfriend of just over a year told me when I tried to talk to her about why there was a lack of communicate on a certain level with me, that the reason she couldn't for all that time was basically that she thought that I was going to turn out to be gay...

Man, I am just floored, and I am all over the place. A simple run of the mill relationship discussion reveals this. I just can't understand why she would even have been with me all that time harbouring those thoughts. I have never even had anyone intimate that before let alone a girlfriend... I am just speechless... and extremely hurt

How did she arrive at this conclusion?

If she cannot explain why than it sounds like a really weird excuse for a break-up. She MUST have an explanation!

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Originally Posted by Joshismyname

Recently my girlfriend of just over a year told me when I tried to talk to her about why there was a lack of communicate on a certain level with me, that the reason she couldn't for all that time was basically that she thought that I was going to turn out to be gay...

Man, I am just floored, and I am all over the place. A simple run of the mill relationship discussion reveals this. I just can't understand why she would even have been with me all that time harbouring those thoughts. I have never even had anyone intimate that before let alone a girlfriend... I am just speechless... and extremely hurt

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We haven't broken up as yet. Her reason was that because quote un quote was that "I was good to her" and "that I went on a few times about how gay some guy was on t.v."... but that she really did love me etc... etc...

There's all types of fears. Maybe she saw some sensitive side of you, and was afraid of losing you as part of her hesitancy to communicate.. Don't take it so personally... I know of guys who are afraid that a woman they like will end up being gay or something, so they are afraid to get attached. It doesn't mean that the person has done anything personally to exhibit signs of being gay, only that the person fears they willl lose them as a result of something that she has no control over, and nothing she has done...

Talk and listen and take her fears away.

People say the darndest things; she would probably say she is voting for Hillary because she handles adversity so well. Birds of a feather flock together. I believe I would just pass on this lady, and not worry one moment about why she made such a bizarre comment.

OKay here's the deal. You probably are sensitive, could even be a Virgo. Some females especially after being hurt in previous relationships automatically have an unexplainable fear that the man will be gay. It's her own defense mechanism. Woman find it hard to accept a good guy. And just for curiosity sake, Are you a virgo? LOL

"Woman find it hard to accept a good guy." Try to explain this as a characteristic of female behavior.

Of course, she could have been teasing. Some women enjoy a good fight.

Thanks for your replies... to answer a few points no I am not a virgo lol... I was born on Dec 22nd so I guess that makes me a Capricorn.

The reason I was upset was that this was not really a thing said during like a joking conversation which would have been fine, she was really emotional at the time. I just felt like it was as if she was holding this all the time in and hadn't been communicating despite the fact that I would often try in a playful way to communicate often and make her feel at ease about my thoughts and feelings so that she was in little doubt, and also took time to listen to her, but often she would be very off hand that there was anything bothering her even though I knew there was. I just kept plugging away

I understand certain things about her that make her that way which I won't discuss on here that make it hard for her to totally communicate, but either way I just feel that communication on all levels is a vital part of a relationship. I love my girlfriend very much and she has many great qualities. I agree with most of what you all have said, about perhaps her finding hard to accept things or but the thing is that at the time that it was the first thing that she told me of what was in her head.

The thing is though that I question whether my patience with her was mis-placed and that she won't ever really talk to me, in which case the relationship as such would not be able to continue... I would love to hear any further input you might have

You have mentioned conversation and communication; most of what I read, day to day, has to do with what someone is doing or has done, rather than what has been said. Isn't she saying, in effect, that you are the reason she is not more open with you; it is your fault, not hers. Sounds to me like you asked her a question about your level (or lack) of communication, and she responded by kicking you between the legs, figuratively of course.

"The thing is though that I question whether my patience with her was mis-placed and that she won't ever really talk to me, in which case the relationship as such would not be able to continue." The answer to your question is much like answers to other relationship questions, and that is no one knows what is in the future. As I see it, you don't need friends like this girl, much less a lover. If you have to take the blame for everything that could go wrong in a long-term relationship, you better wear a steel cup.

I agree George, and had to spread the love, but no communication, no relationship. Unless you can read minds. Us Capricorns are good, but not that darn good.