Hi,

I am in a real dilemma. I made the stupid mistake of having a one-night stand with a local girl. The girl in my opinion is a loser and is the kind of person that would want a child to fit in with her single mum friends. She doesn’t work, scrounges off the government and generally has little going for her. I was very drunk and we had a one night stand, never to talk again. 3.5 weeks later I get a call from the girl saying she is pregnant and wants to keep the baby.

I almost feel I was used to get her pregnant.

I have a life, a wonderful girlfriend that I adore. If I was to lose this girl I am not sure what I would do with myself. I have begged the girl to think about this properly and have advised an abortion.

I can't understand why she would want to keep a random persons child?

Someone please help me, I can't lose my life over this. I am only 22 and had so much going right for me and I worked so hard to get everything right.

Now I am going to lose my childhood sweetheart. We have been together since we were 16. We are best friends and happily in love.

I was in a paraletic state when I made this mistake and would never do anything to hurt my GF.

This girl lives locally to me and I am worried she will destroy my life. She has nothing better to do with her time.

Someone please help me. This can't be happening to me.

I feel really sorry for you, but I feel even worse for the child that you fathered. Drunk is no excuse In my opinion. You had unprotected sex with this girl. I guess you should count yourself lucky that you did not contract a STD also. First thing you should do is accept the fact she wants to have this baby. After the baby is born insist on a paternity test. If it turns out that you are the father, I feel you should step up to the plate and support this child.

I agree totally with 450donn, but I also have a few things to add.

You said "I can't understand why someone would want to keep some random persons child" This isn't just your child, its hers too, and yes, he does have the decision to keep it.

You say how in so love you are with girlfriend... then why did you cheat on her?

Now come on, you are an adult. You made the decision to have sex with her, and you know what the consequenses are when people have sex. You should have thought about the possibility of pregnancy before hopping into bed with her.

I agree with all of above but also, you did not use a condom so you were also risking disease from this girl to your girlfriend. I don't understand if you loves sombody how you could do this?
I can understand why this girl wants to keep it, abortion is not and easy thing to just go and do.
I am afraid you made your bed now you have to lay in it.

I DO NOT feel sorry for you. You made this bed and now you have to lie in it. You chose to have unprotected sex with this girl. Or you chose to get drunk either way you ARE responsible.

The only slight bit of sympathy I have for you is that you have no control over this girl's decision to keep the child. But the fact is you don't. So the fact is you may have ruined your life and what you now have to do is pick up the pieces.

First, you go to your girlfriend, tell her the truth (that you got drunk and not really knowing what you were doing, had sex with this girl). Hopefully this was the only time you cheated so you will promise her never to do it again. If she really loves you, she will, hopefully, forgive you. If she is a good person, she will insist on you both being a part of this child's life.

The second thing you do is request a court order for a DNA test as soon as the baby is born. Do not sign a birth certificate or offer any other financial support until its confirmed you are the father.

If it is confirmed then you file for at least joint custody with visitation rights. Remember this will be YOUR baby as well and it deserves to have a loving father.

If you and your girlfriend get married you might even consider gaining full custody of this child and raising it yourselves. That would get back at this girl.

Nick, I'm sorry but "BadLuckNick" does not suit you. This might have been while drunk, but this was no mistake for either of you. I understand that you're a bit shocked and upset right now, but I feel its important to point some things out before your thinking gets any more blurred.

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I am in a real dilemma. I made the stupid mistake of having a one-night stand with a local girl. The girl in my opinion is a loser and is the kind of person that would want a child to fit in with her single mum friends. She doesn't work, scrounges off the government and generally has little going for her.

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Then I wonder why you were hanging out with her to begin with.

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I have a life, a wonderful girlfriend that I adore. If I was to lose this girl I am not sure what I would do with myself. I have begged the girl to think about this properly and have advised an abortion.

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I am pro-choice but from your statement, I have to disagree. Was your "advise" because you are afraid to loose your girlfriend? I'm sorry, but this would not change things. Eventually, baby or not, she will discover that you are unfaithful.

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I can't understand why she would want to keep a random persons child?

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Some people form emotional attachments to their unborn children. You can't judge a person for that.

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Someone please help me, I can't lose my life over this. I am only 22 and had so much going right for me and I worked so hard to get everything right. This girl lives locally to me and I am worried she will destroy my life. She has nothing better to do with her time.

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If this is your child, your life is not over, its just changing. SHE will not destroy your life. You made your bed, and you must lie in it. Nothing better to do with her time? Let me tell you, if this is your baby... you better change that attitude QUICK. She's claiming to be the mother of your child and if that's the case you need to start putting a better light on things for the sake of your child.

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Someone please help me. This can't be happening to me.

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Hard as it may be to believe right now, this isn't the worst thing that can happen to you. Death, disease, starvation, there are much bigger problems in the world.

I have to say, honestly, that while I realize you're quite upset, the comments you're making do not make you a better person than this girl you're talking about. Maybe you should take a step back and think about how you're coming across with your own behavior and attitude.

Its time to put your best face forward. Its not about you anymore, its about that baby.

Damn. And I thought I had a rough week.

Sorry nick... but even though the pre-posters are VERY harsh, you kind of deserve it.

Now, one thing: you made a mistake. And to the angry women out there... trust me. It can happen. Maybe him and his girlfriend got in a fight and he decided to get drunk... yes. He had control over the situation, and NO it's not acceptable... but I understand where he's coming from. What's done is done. No use yelling at him about it. Pretty sure he won't do it again...

You got to tell the girl the truth. Be honest. Tell her every little detail. Sucks even more if you're vague and she later finds out more. Trust me. She might yell. She might scream. She might tell you that she hates you. She might leave. You deserve all that.

If she leaves, then fine. You step up and take care of your responsibilities.

If she stays, then talk about your responsibilities and see how this'll work out. Even though the kid might seem like the spawn of the devil to you, take care of it. Do what you have to do. In no way shape or form, do you abandon this responsibility.

Okay you effed up. You know it, enough said. Now first thing, regardless, clean your slate with your girlfriend and perhaps some miracl intervention will arise. Next demand that this 1NiteGirl can giv you proof that she si pregnant. Also refuse to pay her anything until the results of a paternity test state you are that possible child's biological father. As of right now from ou described this girl was easy and drunk or not, you knew what you were doing. If not then perhaps there is a bigger issue here and mayb you should seek some alcohol/drug abuse consling. Different things to think of. A baby could be least of your worries. What about Herpes, AIDS, what about guilt of passing a sexually transmitted disease or infection to the girlfriend you claim to adore. How would you feel if you gav her aids and killed her, bcause you were to drunk to remember getting freaky with a tramp. Think about things before you do it. If you always do what you ve always done, then you'll always get what you always got. Learn from it and keep your penis out of places it does not belong.

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Originally Posted by DanieLovesPaul

Learn from it and keep your penis out of places it does not belong.

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The following are things you need to keep your penis out of:

Zipper
Door hinge
Fish bowl
vice grip
Flashlight battery compartment
Toaster
Vacuum
Chinese finger trap

Hope things work out.

A. As danieLovesPaul said she may not be pregnant or
B. if she is how do you know she wasn't with somebody else too and trying to pin it on you?

C. tell her you want a DNA test before you sign the birth certificate or agree to child support
in some states once your name is on the birth certificate it is hard to get out of child support

D. You are going to have to REALLY make this up to your girlfriend jump hoops and do everything for her to trust you. If she wants to randomly pop in to the bar or whatever if that is what it takes to regain her trust do it.

E. Don't get so drunk --and use your brain about consequences --and LEARN from this.
Many girls just want a baby and don't care how or who.

You have no right to tell this lady to get an abortion.

To try to pin it all on the girl is wrong especially when you made the choice to get so drunk.

I also agree that this girl might be pregnant by somebody else, how do you not know, you will need to find out when the baby is born.

50/50 blame here you know.

Take the rightful blame and try to own up to your situation.

Yes everybody makes mistakes, or does things that they regret. The trick or the best solution is to ACTUALLY LEARN FROM THIS AND NEVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN.

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Originally Posted by BadLuckNick

Hi,

I am in a real dilemma. I made the stupid mistake of having a one-night stand with a local girl. The girl in my opinion is a loser and is the kind of person that would want a child to fit in with her single mum friends. She doesn’t work, scrounges off the government and generally has little going for her. I was very drunk and we had a one night stand, never to talk again. 3.5 weeks later I get a call from the girl saying she is pregnant and wants to keep the baby.

I almost feel I was used to get her pregnant.

I have a life, a wonderful girlfriend that I adore. If I was to lose this girl I am not sure what I would do with myself. I have begged the girl to think about this properly and have advised an abortion.

I can't understand why she would want to keep a random persons child?

Someone please help me, I can't lose my life over this. I am only 22 and had so much going right for me and I worked so hard to get everything right.

Now I am going to lose my childhood sweetheart. We have been together since we were 16. We are best friends and happily in love.

I was in a paraletic state when I made this mistake and would never do anything to hurt my GF.

This girl lives locally to me and I am worried she will destroy my life. She has nothing better to do with her time.

Someone please help me. This can't be happening to me.

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First Mistake you made was getting Drunk, all the other mistakes you made after that are due to the first mistake. Maybe think a little bit next time before doing anything, like having too much to drink to start with. There are always consequence to actions, and in that we have to learn to grow up and take responsibilities for our actions.

Sorry

Why should this girl have an abortion (or do anything else, really) for YOU?

Her claim could be that you used her for sex, and she was "good enough for one night, but not good enough to date--you jerk"

Yes, this has messed up your life. Should have thought about that before you took your pants off.

Your best bet now is to come clean to your girlfriend, and find a way to be a good parent to your child.

Although, frankly, from your description of the whole thing, you wouldn't be a better father than the girl would be a mother. UNLESS--you start growing up, starting now, and taking responsibility for your actions. YOU did this to yourself. Own your actions and make the best of it, imo.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Yes, this has messed up your life. Should have thought about that before you took your pants off.

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I am NOT disagreeing with this comment. I COMPLETELY agree.

But to the guys here... really, how many of us REALLY think about things before we take our pants off. Be honest. You're vulnerable... there's a girl who's willing to sleep with you...

I've been in this situation before, but I was sober enough to tell the girl I had a girlfriend. Let's say that you DON'T have a girlfriend, but you just know that sleeping with her is a bad idea... still, you think about it much?

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

i am NOT disagreeing with this comment. i COMPLETELY agree.

but to the guys here...really, how many of us REALLY think about things before we take our pants off. be honest. you're vulnerable...there's a girl who's willing to sleep with you...

I've been in this situation before, but i was sober enough to tell the girl I had a girlfriend. Let's say that you DON'T have a girlfriend, but you just know that sleeping with her is a bad idea...still, you think about it much?

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I'm a woman. I *always* have thought of precautions before having sex, because I was the one who could get pregnant.

Funny--if men had to go through the agonizing decision about what to do with an unplanned pregnancy, then either go through an abortion or 9 months of pregnancy (which, by the way, messes with your body and emotions in ways you can not comprehend), betcha there would be fewer guys saying "oh, but she was WILLING, and I was DRUNK"

Sorry--I know you agree with me, but at the same time--if a guy doesn't want a kid with a woman, he shouldn't sleep with her. Women have a few more options than that, most of them agonizing choices, but once you've stuck your sausage into her wahoo, you can't really complain if she turns up pregnant and doesn't do what YOU want with the pregnancy.

And--before this gets out of proportion--I advocate the same thing for women. If you don't want a baby, DON'T HAVE SEX.

I think you should tell your girlfriend what happened. Even if this girl isn't pregnant, word might get around to your girlfriend about the one night stand. Things like that have a way of coming out whether you like it or not. Be honest with her, I think you owe her that much. She might dump you, and she will be extremely hurt and angry. But, better she hear it from you than from someone else.
Tell the pregnant girl that you will need to have a paternity test when the baby is born. She could have already been pregnant when you slept together, for all you know. I wouldn't recommend telling this girl that, but definitely demand a paternity test.
If it turns out that you are the father, I hope you will step up to the plate and take responsibility. The girl sounds like she has her mind made up about keeping it. And by the way, it is not your place to suggest abortion to her. I'm not trying to start a pro-life, pro-choice debate or anything. But, the law says that she has a right to chose, and she has made her choice. Don't pressure her to change her mind.
The baby didn't have a choice in how it was created. If you think this girl is horrible parent material, all the more reason for you to be involved in this child's life. You will be able to monitor how this kid is being treated. If this girl turns out to be a horrible mother, you may be able to gain custody, if that is what you wish. But, sometimes people do turn their lives around when they have a kid, so I wouldn't write her off as a mom yet.
The bottom line is that you made your bed and now you are going to have to lie in it. I'm sorry that sounds harsh, but it is the truth. You were just as dumb for cheating as you and this girl were for not using protection. Drunk is not an excuse. Unless you were passed out and she date-raped you, you are still responsible. I've been drunk a time or two when my fiancée wasn't around and I never cheated on him. I'm not trying to preach at you, but you have to 'fess up and take responsibility. You made a mistake. The girl isn't "ruining your life" if she wants you to take responsibility for the child that you helped create. IF you don't want the responsibility, don't have unprotected sex.
Also, tell your girlfriend so that she and you can get tested for STDs. You could be putting her health at risk. Some STDs don't have symptoms in the early stages. I hope your girlfriend can forgive you and everything works out. I'm sorry that this will be hard for you, but if you do the right thing, you will be a better person for it. And it could make a world of difference in your child's life. Good luck to you.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

once you've stuck your sausage into her wahoo, you can't really complain

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t-shirt idea... for so many different reasons =D

IF the paternity test identifies you as the father you have both a legal and moral obligation to support the child. BUT you are not obliged to marry the child's mother, so don't let your guilt drag you there (assuming your real girlfriend leaves your sorry butt in the dust). Not that you aren't guilty. You are. But you don't have to compound your problems because of it. You have plenty of problems as it is.

I would not encourage and abortion. I understand that you are afraid about this but if you think about it, it isn't the child's fault that it was conceived. It is a 50-50 yours and this girls. Drunk or not you still made the choice to have sex with her. You should not make the child suffer because of your poor judgment. If you do not think that you or she is capable of raising the child then maybe you should talk to her about adoption. There are many couples in the world that can't have children of their own, that would love to take the child.

I think that you should tell your girlfriend what happened, if you apologize for it and she really loves you she will forgive you for your actions. True love is unconditional. You should tell her before someone else does.

You should encourage the mother of your child not to have an abortion but to adopt out this child. Adopting out a child doesn't always mean that you will have no relationship with the child. It is from a gift from a mother to a child. If she cannot take care of her child, she is by adopting it out giving it a chance at a better life.

Poor guy, it must have been awful how that nasty girl tricked you, poured the booze down your belly, forced you out of your pants, and made you forget about your girlfriend, as she coerced you into having sex with her.

Cold drinks and a hot piece of pie might have seemed like the special that night, but it sure will cost you plenty.

Time to grow up and be a man, take responsibility for what you did, regardless of if it went the way you expected or not.