Ask Me Help Desk - Her ex saying things he shouldn't be.

I don't really have a question as much a statement that I want comments.

I have been dating this girl for a couple months now. She broke up with her ex a couple months before we started dating. He was her first time having sex. We have had sex several times. He talks to her everyday. He keeps saying things like I miss seeing you naked and having sex with you. He goes on about how he wants to be with her and all of that. She says she will never get back with him. I don't like him saying that, and when he is mean to her it affects her and she often cries about it. I feel like she is always going to be attached to a certain degree with him because it was her first time. I don't feel like she has told him that he can't be saying that kind of stuff anymore. I feel like she likes hearing it. I don't know what to do about it. Every time I bring it up she finds a reason to get mad at me about it, and says that she is still friends with him... Can anybody give me feedback??

It depends why exactly she broke up with him.

Has this been going on since they broke up or since you started dating her?

I think her ex might be jealous, she broke up with him so he's trying to ruin what you guys have.

Let her be friends with him, but set a line as to what is and what is not allowed. Even talk to her ex if neccasary, because if someone won't stand up to this guy he's just going to continue plauging her.

I've been through something similar to you. I can help you out but its probably advise you wouldn't want to hear. Personally I would have a sit down with your girlfriend and seriously ask her about her feelings for this guy. It sounds to me like she has not told him to stop saying those kinds of things. It feels like crap when you are going out with someone and they have feelings for another, I've totally been there. If I were you I would have a serious talk with her, tell her that you are serious about this situation. If she then starts getting mad, I would break up with her. I have taken so much crap from a girl and I want to warn people to not get too involved with someone who is like that. You will only keep hurting yourself. I know you don't like this guy, I know you don't like this his guy talking to her, I have been there. I would have to break up with the girl on these accounts, 1. she still talks to her ex everyday. 2. whenever he says something mean to her she cries. (this means that she still has feelings for her ex.) 3. She lets him say sexual comments to her, without her getting mad. 4. She gets mad when you want to talk about her and her ex. 5. she is still "friends" with him. When I was going out with this girl I knew that she had feelings for this one kid. I would ask her and she would get mad and make up a dumb excuse not to talk about it. The worst is when she knows she is doing something wrong but when you confront her, she gets mad at you like you did something to her. There was this one time when I asked her if we could go see the fireworks on the 4th. She said "no because im going with the girls" I then knew something was fishy, the girls she hung out with were es and skanks. I then did a little investigating of my own. I went to the guys house who I knew she like, (he was a soccer team mate.) I went to his house and I asked what he was up to. The weird thing was that he had gotten a message from my girl if he wanted to come with her and her friends to the park for the fireworks. The guy told me and I said "yea sure lets go" we then went to the park and we met up with the girls and I broke up with the girl. If this story relates to you in any way, break up with the girl. You do not want to get too attached. Hope my advise and story will help you make the right decision. But first, you should try and at least have a serious conversation with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by riesen1022

ive been through something similar to you. i can help you out but its probably advise you wouldnt want to hear. Personally i would have a sit down with your girlfriend and seriously ask her about her feelings for this guy. it sounds to me like she has not told him to stop saying those kinds of things. It feels like crap when you are going out with someone and they have feelings for another, ive totally been there. If i were you i would have a serious talk with her, tell her that you are serious about this situation. if she then starts getting mad, i would break up with her. I have taken so much crap from a girl and i want to warn people to not get too involved with someone who is like that. you will only keep hurting yourself. I know you dont like this guy, i know you dont like this his guy talking to her, i have been there. I would have to break up with the girl on these accounts, 1. she still talks to her ex everyday. 2. whenever he says something mean to her she cries. (this means that she still has feelings for her ex.) 3. She lets him say sexual comments to her, without her getting mad. 4. She gets mad when you want to talk about her and her ex. 5. she is still "friends" with him. When i was going out with this girl i knew that she had feelings for this one kid. i would ask her and she would get mad and make up a dumb excuse not to talk about it. the worst is when she knows she is doing something wrong but when you confront her, she gets mad at you like you did something to her. there was this one time when i asked her if we could go see the fireworks on the 4th. she said "no because im going with the girls" i then knew something was fishy, the girls she hung out with were es and skanks. i then did a little investigating of my own. i went to the guys house who i knew she like, (he was a soccer team mate.) i went to his house and i asked what he was up to. the weird thing was that he had gotten a message from my girl if he wanted to come with her and her friends to the park for the fireworks. The guy told me and i said "yea sure lets go" we then went to the park and we met up with the girls and i broke up with the girl. If this story relates to you in any way, break up with the girl. you do not want to get too attached. hope my advise and story will help you make the right decision. But first, you should try and at least have a serious conversation with her.

The thing is she does get mad about it, she is like can you believe he said that to me. She sees him as a friend and nothing more. I know that she has no more feelings for him in that way. I feel like she likes hearing that kind of stuff from different people, especially her ex, to make sure she still "has it". I asked her if she told him he needs to stop saying that kind of stuff, because he is still flirting with her a lot...

Tough situation Dude.

I HATE ex's, they are good for nothing. Here's the thing, you have every right to be pissed if this clown is messaging things like having sex and this and that. It shows a total lack of respect on his part knowing she is with you. ALSO, its not appropriate and SHE should have made that clear to him. I will agree that you must talk toher and tell her that you think its inappropriate for him to speak to her that way, tell her it shows a lack of respect for you and your relationship with her.

The other point about her talking to him and him being her first is not soooo concerning, at least to me. Yeah he was her first and she probably has a soft spot for him BUT time makes that fade, she's with you now. Even talking to him, I meanif its hey how are you or what's up than who really cares, she''l feel like she has to talk to him for awhile, eventually those feelings will go and he will give up.

So talk to her about the content of the messages but not the fact she speaks to him, if you do that its almost as if your saying she cannot speak to him, girls don't like being told what to do.