My girlfriend's ex has been a complete jerk since I started dating her 15 months ago. He made threatening phone calls to me at home and work. He parked in front of my house when she stayed the night with me and sent text messages to my cell phone at 3:00am. He called her every day, sometimes 5 times in one day. This behavior went on for over 8 months. Sometimes making her very angry and fighting with her during the phone calls. During this time I asked her to talk to him about it. She said she did, but that he won't listen to her. Finally, after I became more involved with a "solution" to the problem it did come to an end, but not without he and I having no closure with our hate for one another. It was understood we would probably butt heads again in the furture (fine with me, I could crush him with both arms tied behind my back). Also, I had a problem with her answering most of his phone calls during the 8 months and not actually putting an end to it one way or another. So, it has been 7 month since she has seen or been around him. Her and I went to her sister's birthday party knowing he would be there, but we both talked about the situation which was really focused on a confrontation between he and I. Needless to say, 2 minutes before we left, she was saying goodbye to her sister he stood in front of her and gave her a big hug (as he knew I was not around) and said, "Thanks for coming to your sister's birthday." WHAT?? I realize she didn't have much time to think about it because it happened as she turned a "180" to leave and there she was face-to-face with him. She did hug him as if nothing was wrong, but I honestly think after all the drama she should have backed away and tried not to make ANY contact with him at all costs. That was her chance to do what should have been done over a year ago, but she didn't. We've been arguing about the whole incident. She had me believing she thought he was a horrible person and wanted nothing to do with him... ever. Now this. Because of the past, I feel like I can't trust her anymore. What do you think??

I think your overreacting over the hug thing, as she was avoiding confrontation. Your letting this guy live rent free in your relationship, instead of letting him die a slow death, so to speak. If he shows up at your house call the police, If he calls your cell (how did he get the number) complain to the police. My question, why does she take his calls?? He is being a pest. You confronting him physically gets you nowhere. She does need to go no contact with him.

It's a tough situation, ex-guys are always unwelcomed no matter what. I see where your coming from and I tend to agree with you (in that if it happened to me I'd act the same way).

In saying that, as hard as it may be to ignore or drop what happened, if you don't you will lose her, and if you lose her you will go insane wondering if she went back to him. The same thing happened with me, I was concerned over her ex contacting her, we fought, she left. They will reach a point where they feel you cannot trust them and they will also view it as you suffocating their life and you will be history.

Going forward, if it eats at you to no end than YOU must end the relationship, if you control it than you can move past it with her. IF you keep asking about him and bringing it up than TRUST ME, your time together is short.

As annoying as it seems you just have to grin and bear with it because your girlfriend's ex is just feeling insecure.

Take him to a phsycatrist if you really want and solve his problems cause he definitely have one.
Or you can call the police but I guess you're a bit overeacting cause you can ignore it by losing all connection with your girlfriend's ex (i.e. Mobile phone, email)

Mate what about your GF. What action s is she doing to push him away and give him the message or is she just revelling in his attention.
Why hasn't she changed her mobile number??
Seems she may be using him as leverage. Don't wrong me because I have ex in the background just waiting.
Talk is cheap. She may say she doen't like his attention but, what is is doing about it.

All she says basically is that she is avoiding confrontation.

One thing to add to this delima is that she was married and divorced before she started dating her ex-boyfriend. She had two kids with her divorced husband (12 and 13 years old now). So, there is much more involved than I had initially explained.

She keeps reminding me she picked me over him and I shouldn't worry about him because "..he'll just go away."

I want to think she can make the right decisions on her own without me standing over her to remind her what I think is disrespectful regardless of her excuse to avoid confrontations.

If things hadn't gone so bad in the beginning between he and I, I probably would just brush it off, but there's too much BAD blood!