I work with this girl and she and I have gotten involved. At first it started as friendship, but now it is essentially a sexual relationship. We started as friends because she has a boyfriend. She told me one night that they haven't done anything sexual in 18 months. My question is, why? I'm trying to figure out why he has no interest in having sex with her. It gets a little more complicated. She told him for a long time that she was unhappy and that sex was important to her, and he never did anything. Then she broke up with him (this was very recent) and now he's trying really hard to get her back and is doing all these things she wanted him to do, and he's even tried to show some interest in sex. So why was he uninterested before, or unwilling to try, and all of a sudden he's willing to do all this stuff she asked for all along? Why would a guy go for 18 months without touching his girlfriend? And why would it take breaking up for him to open his eyes? And what is my role in all of this? Is it possible for girls to have sexual relationships without feeling emotion, or rather, to have one guy they are physical with, and one guy who is their boyfriend? Please explain, and be as detailed as you will. I'm freakin confused.

perhaps he has moral values and understands sex should be saved for marriage. You may be surprised a lot of relastionships don't have sex and are not based on sex.
Sounds like you are being used to make the main boyfriend jealous.

Ya being a guy and virgin might seem impossible to you. But good for him!

I've had a girl dump me cause I wouldn't have sex with her, it's rough. I actually feel bad for him. Because it's really too bad that now he's lost his girlfriend to someone else simply because of sex... relationships are so much more than just sex.

The funny thing is you are asking us "What is going through his head". I think you might as well be telling him to appoligize for having different values and morals than you.

Actually, it's the girlfriend's responsibility to ask the boyfriend why... and I have a feeling that she already knows why, and she's just using YOU. She's stayed with him for 18 months, which means that she is OK with him not having sex with her. It's none of your business, and you need to step out. You're letting your dog make a mess in the neighbor's yard... and that always ends up the neighbors actually taking a dump somewhere in your house.

Braden, Do you believe everything little tramps tell you? :D

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Originally Posted by Braden23

I work with this girl and she and I have gotten involved. At first it started as friendship, but now it is essentially a sexual relationship. We started off as friends because she has a boyfriend. She told me one night that they haven't done anything sexual in 18 months. My question is, why? I'm trying to figure out why he has no interest in having sex with her. It gets a little more complicated. She told him for a long time that she was unhappy and that sex was important to her, and he never did anything. Then she broke up with him (this was very recent) and now he's trying really hard to get her back and is doing all these things she wanted him to do, and he's even tried to show some interest in sex. So why was he uninterested before, or unwilling to try, and all of a sudden he's willing to do all this stuff she asked for all along? Why would a guy go for 18 months without touching his girlfriend? And why would it take breaking up for him to open his eyes? And what is my role in all of this? Is it possible for girls to have sexual relationships without feeling emotion, or rather, to have one guy they are physical with, and one guy who is their boyfriend? Please explain, and be as detailed as you will. I'm freakin confused.

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Sometimes it takes a breakup. It becomes a dose of reality, for him. Whatever his reason for not becoming sexually involved with her, now, he's ready to do what he has to to keep her. How can you spend 18 months with someone and not touch them isn't what I'd be asking. Why didn't they find a solution before she broke up with him. Wasn't he listening?

I don''t think she's a tramp. Nor is she using you, or him. She, just like you two guys is trying to keep her balance in this world. Human beings are sexual. Some choose to save it for marriage. It sounds as if she is not the right person for him considering the longstanding problem, and lack of solution between them.

Yes, it's possible to have a sexual relationship without feeling emotion. People do it all the time, even married to each other. In order to have an emotional connection, women must feel that they are listened to while an attempt is made (by the man) to understand them. Your role in all this? You are the one caught in between. However, she talks openly with you, and you listen. He does not. So far, all he has done is react to the loss of her. You are acting as her friend even though she is having sex with you. It's possible to have sex with those who are our friends and confidantes. Sometimes we marry them.

Of course, I was being facetious just to make my point. :)

Are you and her still hooking up?

First, to Simoneaugie, thank you for the insight and for offering a fresh perspective; everyone has called her a tramp and has said she is using us both. This is unfair because I honestly feel that if she's used me, then I've used her; that is to say, I don't want to place the blame completely on her, because it takes two. Second to phil_stl, he is not a virgin; they have been together for three years, but have only been non-physical for half of that time. Third, to ISneezeFunny, I agree with you about my needing to step away, and the analogy about the dog taking the dump was hilarious. Thanks for the advice.

Maybe she isn't telling you the truth and just likes to play the field. I've actually known one woman like that, though that's not average normal behavior for the average woman.

Could be just about anything. Maybe he was depressed, cheating on her, suffering erectile disfunction, I mean it could be ANYTHING. Just make sure that you are getting what you want out of this relationship. Hope everything works out!!