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-   -   My Girlfriend says she wants to be single (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=162946)

  • Dec 15, 2007, 09:50 AM
    WAZE
    My Girlfriend says she wants to be single
    I am 16 and my girlfreind is the same age, I just took her virginity (yes I am sure) a few days and we had had sex Tuesday before skool, everything seemed fine, then Friday, she acts different, She called me, and was real quite and kind of nonchalant, So I was asking questions about how she felt about the relationship, everything was "I don't know", so I was like do you still want to be with me, she said "I don't know", she says she jsuts wants to be single, I called her this morning ( a day later), and Asked her is she going to have sex with others, she said hell no, I asked her was the vagina still mine, she said yeah, I asked her if she still loved me, she said yes, I also asked has she lost love she said no.

    But when I ahad talked to her yesterday, I asked her did her decision have anything to do with boys, she says no, she siad she was sure, but I was like do you wan tto see other guyss yesterday, she said "i don't kno", like every answer was "I do n't kno"

    Recently her grades were kind of bad, and she is the team manager for jv basketbaLL so how should I feel about her decision, is she going to cheat on me, is it really because of the boys, or is she stressed and really needs sumtime, she said she wants to be single now, but wants us to be friends, what does that mean, if she still loves me the same, still everything is the same, I don't know guys, I need help

    Also we have been together 3 months, Its weird that I took her virginity last week, we had sex again then, 3 days later she wants to be single, what could it be?
  • Dec 15, 2007, 09:57 AM
    s_cianci
    No one can really answer what it could be. But if I were you I'd leave her alone for a while and give her some time. She may need to sort things out and letting her think things over will do both of you some good. She may decide she wants to end it or she wants to continue. Whatever you do, don't give your power away. Always keep things on your terms and keep the ball in your court.
  • Dec 15, 2007, 10:06 AM
    WAZE
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by s_cianci
    No one can really answer what it could be. But if I were you I'd leave her alone for a while and give her some time. She may need to sort things out and letting her think things over will do both of you some good. She may decide she wants to end it or she wants to continue. Whatever you do, don;t give your power away. Always keep things on your terms and keep the ball in your court.

    Wat do you mean, she says she want to be single, which means we isn't together no more, how can I keep on my terms, I ain't her man no mo, but she makes it sound temporary, but it don't help that every answer she gives me is I don't know

    Also its pretty weird how I just took her virginity, then she wants to be single

    Like usually when you take virginity, you like da king on da throne, do I still have that position emotionally in her life, because I will always be da first
  • Dec 15, 2007, 10:37 AM
    WAZE
    I need more help please
  • Dec 15, 2007, 10:53 AM
    WAZE
    Please help
  • Dec 15, 2007, 11:18 AM
    George_1950
    I want to agree with you, Waze, you need some help. You might start with your mother, father, trusted family member, or teacher; from there, a trusted pastor or mental health clinic for proper referral. There are folks on this site regularly who will provide you with very good, useful advice; so be patient. If you cannot wait, please contact one of those that I have suggested. Stay positive while you work through this.
  • Dec 15, 2007, 11:53 AM
    s_cianci
    Quote:

    how can I keep on my terms, I ain't her man no mo, but she makes it sound temporary, but it don't help that every answer she gives me is I don't know
    You've answered your own questions with this statement right here. She makes it sound temporary.OK, but what's your take on that? Do you want it to be temporary or not? You make this decision, don't let her make it. It doesn't help that every answer she gives me is I don't know(I edited your grammar a little bit.) Well, obviously you don't like her indecisiveness so it's up to you not to tolerate it. Decide for yourself that as long as she insists that she "doesn't know" then you treat is as a 'no' and respond accordingly. Don't let her play head games with you or she'll keep doing it and it'll get worse and worse.
  • Dec 15, 2007, 12:04 PM
    ISneezeFunny
    Yeah, this one's a doozie. It's like the sock missing from the dryer. No one really knows what the hell happened to it.

    First off I want to ask, how was the sex? Was it traumatizing? Was she hurt or uncomfortable in any way? Did she seem to regret it? Some girls, at the age of 16, although physically capable of sex, are sometimes not emotionally ready to have sex. She may regret it, be saddened by it, or just plain scared. Is she having trouble in her family life, social life, etc? Her grades are falling... which may indicate a small problem. But without knowing the full story, can't really say much.

    Right now, she's not giving you any answers about what she's feeling. I'd hate to say this, but s_cianci's advice... leaving her alone, is really your only option. If you keep bugging her, it may push her away further. But I got to warn you... at the age of 16, "leaving the girl alone"... doesn't do wonders. She may get the idea you just wanted to hit it and quit it. But really, she's not leaving you any options. I suggest trying to talk to her one more time, having a serious conversation about what may be going on in her life, why she is acting this way. If she's nonresponsive, then back off. Do your own thing.

    Second of all, is that really how you talk to your girlfriend? WAS THE VAGINA STILL MINE?! c'mon man... perhaps she's used to you talking that way, but I know a lot of girls here that would be relatively turned off by IS YOUR VAGINA STILL MINE? Anyway, try to not talk to her like that during your serious conversation. Have a heart to heart. Good luck bro.
  • Dec 15, 2007, 01:12 PM
    LostInHisEyez
    She wasn't ready to have sex?

    That could be a huge thing, maybe becuz you took her virginity she realized how big a thing it was to her?

    By saying is her vagina still yours makes it seem thats all you want out of her. your 16! shouldnt you really be worried about your grades or why her grades are failing than if her vagina is yours or not, because its not yours, its hers. And if she wants to be with someone else she can.

    She's prolly unsure if your the one she wants to be with or if theres someone else better out there. Everyone has their doubts right about now, and having sex with someone doesnt always seal the deal.

    Talk to her about everything else but your relationship/sex..cuz its just gonna keep bothering her and she's going to get fed up with you.

    hope this helps?
  • Dec 15, 2007, 01:45 PM
    BMI
    I can't get over the fact you asked if her vagina is still yours?? Never heard that one before:)

    Listen dude, the first time is always emotional for young girls and guys. Her giving you her vagina... lol... sorry:) was a big step and now perhaps she wants time away to think about it all.

    I wouldn't assume she's interested in other guys if but a week ago she gave you her virginity, unless you woke up a sleeping beast, which I doubt. Just back off or you'll do more harm than good. She's young, sex is a big thing, let her breath and see what happens. Give it a week but STOP asking so many questions, just talk to her when she talks to you, if you don't give her the space your asking for trouble.
  • Dec 15, 2007, 02:56 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    Well from reading the way you talked about her virginity and hers being yours, and if she was going to have sex with others ( like you are suppose to be just having sex with anyone)

    To be honest she most likely figured she could do a lot better with some other boy that gave her the respect girl frineds and boy friends are suppose to have for each other.
  • Dec 15, 2007, 03:36 PM
    talaniman
    Take the hint that she isn't to keen on you anymore, and for whatever reason, its time to give her space and move on. She may remember you as the first, but king on a throne is a stretch, considering your questions to her.
  • Dec 15, 2007, 03:53 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by WAZE
    1- asked her is she going to have sex with others
    2- was the vagina still mine
    3- asked her if she still loved me
    4- has she lost love
    5- did her decision have anything to do with boys
    6- do u wan tto see other guys
    7- is she going to cheat on me
    8- is it really becasue of the boys

    wat could it be?

    "Wat it could be" is that you sound like you now own her. Yes, she's stressed. No girl wants that kind of pressure, especially not after giving up her virginity.

    Give her a little room and stop asking her all those kinds of questions. Stop acting so insecure. Please.
  • Dec 16, 2007, 08:59 AM
    WAZE
    Yeah I feel you but about her virginity, I mean I asked her constantly am I sure that she wanted to have me as her first, she said absolutely, I me she didn't scream she came, she said she loved it, and the only reason I asked if the vagina was mine, is because she asked me was my "thing" still hers, so hell yeah I would ask her bacc, I talked to her yesterday, she said she still loved me and that the love wasn't going to die down, then she dedicated a song to me and sang it, that chris brown "with you" song, I mean this is just weird, I'm gon just chill wit her, and let her make her decision because If I try to see where she is coming from my head is bound to pop off
  • Dec 16, 2007, 09:09 AM
    talaniman
    Quote:

    I mean this is just weird, I'm gon just chill wit her, and let her make her decision because If I try to see where she is coming from my head is bound to pop off
    Lol, this is a wise course of action, just leave her alone, and don't worry about what she does, focus on what you do about yourself.
  • Dec 16, 2007, 09:13 AM
    WAZE
    Lol yeah I feel you man, its just hard, you know that's my baby, we been together since the first day of skool, I knew her a year before we went out, its just weird, but I really got feelings for her, so as long as she is happy I am willing to step off, lol but do you thing she will come bacc, we been together almoist 4 months, do you thing gthere is a chance she will come back or has never really left just needed to let it all sink in
  • Dec 16, 2007, 10:06 AM
    talaniman
    Who knows what goes on in a females head? Sometimes even they don't know. I've been married for decades, and I still get confused. You just have to let 'em do there thing and keep your own head together. Don't dwell on what if this, or what if that, that will drive you nuts. But you already know that, don't you?
  • Dec 16, 2007, 10:10 AM
    WAZE
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman
    Who knows what goes on in a females head?? Sometimes even they don't know. I've been married for decades, and I still get confused. You just have to let 'em do there thing and keep your own head together. Don't dwell on what if this, or what if that, that will drive you nuts. But you already know that, don't you??

    Oh hell yeah lol, thanks man, turthfully I'm still confused as ever, lol but hse getting me some jordan's for christmas, feelings got to be there somewhere
  • Dec 16, 2007, 10:39 AM
    George_1950
    Like playing roundball, man: keep your eyes on her feet and what she does, not her faking (what she says).
  • Dec 16, 2007, 10:41 AM
    WAZE
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by George_1950
    Like playing roundball, man: keep your eyes on her feet and what she does, not her faking (what she says).

    I'm sorry could you elaborate a little more, so your saying sh edoesn't really love me, she is just faking?

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