I have been seeing this guy on and off for 10 months now and we broke up again about a week ago. I got angry and told him I was sick of his BS and was going on a date with someone else thinking that he might try and stop me. Instead he went on a date with another girl. This shocked me and I wanted him back but now he says it'll never work and that he doesn't want a serious relationship and can't give me what I want. I also heard from mutual friends that he is now "in love" with this girl but she was only here for a week on holiday and also hooked up with a bunch of other guys as well (I don't think he knows) How could he possible be in love so quickly?

I've done some research on the net on emotionally unavailable men and he fits into this category perfectly. He tried so hard to get me in the beginning by saying how much he wanted to be with me etc(I was just getting out of another relationship at the time). But after we were together for a while and I started showing him that I care about him he withdrew and all of a sudden was wayy to busy to see me. He was also real mean and every time we would fight or I stopped contacting him he would give me sooo much attention but go back to his non caring self when everything was fine. So I think it became a bit of a pattern.

What I want to know is if he would be like this in any other relationship( As I know he was in a similar situation with his ex and that's y it ended) Or was it me?? I feel like such a failure for not being able to get him to fall in love with me. I think it almost became an obsession trying to see if I could change him as I usually get what I want from guys. I've never been in a "relationship" like this before and didn't see it coming. When we spent any time together I would always feel so empty inside after and we never slept together.Now I'm doing the no contact thing and can't help but want him back even though I know that even if he did come back he would probably never treat me the way I want him to. I hate the person he turned me into, so clingy and needy before I met him I was confident and so happy.I want to move on from this loser so badly but its just so hard as we have mutual friends, go to the same places etc so its hard to avoid him. Also he will contact me and say things just to piss me off. Why is he doing this? If he doesn't want me anymore than why bother contacting me at all??

I feel your pain I am in the same situation exactly and right now I am going through the he contacts me just to be mean and make me hurt more we were together for 3 years and he tells me now we don't have anything in common so its not going to work after 3 years he just deciding this now and I feel like this needy person that I hate my advice is keep yourself busy don't respond to his messages texts or whatever when you see him just try and act happy or leave don't let him see you sweat because you know your better than that its just hard to do itd like he has a spell on you and trust me you are not the reason he is the way he is its him all the way just like my situation he told me he doesn't know if he loves me anymore I was like what did I do to make him feel that way I was blaming myself I got no closure with him and moving forward has been hard but I take it day by day and try to focus my attention on anything that passes the time soon enough weeks will have gone by and you will feel stronger goodluck

Thanks I feel better knowing that at least I'm not the only one going through this. I've been really good with the no contact lately but every once in a while I get these urges to contact him!I just miss him so much right now and think maybe I can say something to make him change his mind.. How long do u think I should wait before I can contact him again?Or is that just a waste of time?

Now I'm doing the no contact thing and can't help but want him back even though I know that even if he did come back he would probably never treat me the way I want him to.
Normal after a break up, glad you know what to do.
I hate the person he turned me into, so clingy and needy before I met him I was confident and so happy.
Nows a chance to heal and get happy with yourself again.
I want to move on from this loser so badly but its just so hard as we have mutual friends, go to the same places etc so its hard to avoid him.
Yes it does make it hard but that doesn't mean you can't make new friends, at least during the healing process.
Also he will contact me and say things just to piss me off.
Block his calls, you do have caller id, don't answer.
Why is he doing this? If he doesn't want me anymore than why bother contacting me at all??
He is a controlling immature jerk, so how do you expect him to act??
But you do have the basics down, try not to be so hard on yourself and in time you will feel much better. Promise.

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How long do you think I should wait before I can contact him again?Or is that just a waste of time?

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NEVER, when you have healed, you won't want to. See how eay that was? The hard part is doing the right thing for yourself.

I would wiat until you don't want to contact him my situation has been going down we have had no contact and now he is blowing my phone up an I know in my head that we should not be together because I know that we would be rght back here again even though my heart hurts and its not easy I have restrained myself from doing so I think you should give yourself some personal time right now your head is clouded because your are hurting so you will not make rational decisions after time has passed and you can clear your head a little you will be more rational and by then you will realise that its not worth it just stick it out you are strong you can do it just likten to the song by maroon 5 I'm not coming home every time I do I feel so much better it's a great song I can send it to you

Well I tried to send it but you have your e-mail disabled but the name of tha sone is I'm not comimg home by maroon 5 hope it helps you like it has for me good luck

It sounds like you tried playing a game and it backfired. I think you need to forget about this one and move on. It doesn't sound like a healthy situation. Also don't blame him for what he "turned you in to". You did that to yourself. Begin pursuing other activities and dating other people so that you get your confidence and happiness back. For future reference, remember that games and manipulation don't work and always come back to haunt you.

Your right he didn't do it I did it to myself. What I can't believe is that I let a guy get so under my skin that I became that girl and now I'm wayy to deep into it that I don't know what to do to fix it.I've never been in this situation before. It sucks because I'm so up and down about the break up one day I'm totally fine and then the next I'm just back at square one wanting him back so much. Ihemilie202 thanks for telling me about this song, been listening to it, music helps.I'm trying to date this other guy who is so nice, good looking etc. but I just can't stop thinking about my ex every time I'm with him. I wasn't trying to play games with my ex I was just hoping that if I told him I was going to see some other guy he might realise that he would lose me and stop being a jerk because he's kind of a jelous person but yes it did backfire. Now when I see him around I try and act happy but he just seems like he doesn't care anymore. How can a person turn off their feelings so quickly??

I also had a set back I did the no contact thing for about 5 days but I text him last night just asking how he was, he replyd but seemed kind of distant so I didn't text him back and then about an hour later he sent another text saying goodnite so I replyd sweet dreams after about half an hour but then he got angry that I woke him up?? And I haven't heard from him since, I feel like I'm right back where I started! Now I'm thinking about txting him and saying that I miss him.. I know its not a good idea but maybe if he saw that he would realise he misses me as well?On the other hand if not it'll just make me feel worse and it's a long shot. Does anyone think that txting him this is a good idea?

A lousy idea, stick with no contact and heal. Didn't you learn anything from the last encounter??

Not a good idea stick with nocontact if you were meant to be with him you would end up with him in the end you shouldn't need to chase him or poke at him hoping for a response its just giving him more control he knows he has you and that he has the control my situation has been playing out as I haven't contacted him at all then2 days ago he started blowing up my phone and I didn't respond to any of it which made him crazy leaving voice mails and crazy texts now that he has contacted me I know I don't want him back it just made me feel a little better that he was saying that he was hurt because for so long now he has been acting like h could care lessand I was the one hurting and I felt like I just wasted so much time with someonethat could just walk away like that. He has a lot of issues and if I honestly way the pros and cons it does aadd up to a long happy life together give your head time to clear don't contact him not even a text nothing then in a couple days think about the pros and cons is this someone you really think you could spend your life with or is this just hurting because the breakup is still so new if there are issues and you know he is no one you really could be with in the end its just not worth it and you may just be looking for what I was which was the recgonition that he acknowlegde you to had something together and that he is hurting as well. I will bet anything he is hurting guys don't show it that's how they are raised but I assure you he is. So I would just keep telling yourself that and tell yourself that this is for the best you deserve better and even though I am still going through my ordeal I am trying to stay optimistic that I will find someone and it won't be as much work and he will love me andaccept me and we will be happy people fall in love everyday I know if you stay optimistic you will to you just have to be open to the idea and know that you deserve it.

Ok so I decided not to send him that which is obviously a bad idea. He has been txting me though and I did reply I sent him a picture and then he sent me one as well.. So I started thinking does this mean something?Does he maybe want to get back together or is he just being friendly?I don't want to read too much into it though and I have decided that everyone is right and that I'm not going to contact him anymore, will wait for him. I just so don't want to end it yet but its true maybe if I give it some time it'll be easier to see the pros and cons etc. I'm going to this party tonight and I know he will be there though. What should I do when I see him?I can't just ignore him so should I go say hi and than not talk to him?Or should I try having a conversation just about something random I mean no heavy relationship talk etc we've had enough of those anyway and it doesn't seem to make much of a difference.. Any ideas?

It's a party, dance and laugh and leave everything but fun alone. Or go back and reread this post before you go.

I only ended up going to the party for a little bit and he was wearing this t-shirt that I bought for him. Again I thought does this mean something?Now he says he wants to meet and talk but againI don't want to get my hopes up. Do you think that this means he wants to get back together?I want to of course because I miss him so much but what if we do get back together and everything is still the same.. What can I do to make sure this doesn't happen again?Should I change my attitude towards the relationship?

Your concerns are correct, stay on your healing path until the emotional confusion goes away, and you can see clearly, and make good decisions for yourself.

So I met up with him but he says he just wants to be friends.. I was kind of angry because I felt like he was leading me on as I told him that I wanted to meet to sort things out and we shouldn't if he was sure that the break up is what he wanted, but he wanted to anyway so this gave me hope.Now I'm back at square one! Argh I just want to completely forget about him and all of this!Easier said than done I guess I just have to convince myself that he won't change his mind because right now I think I'm kind of living in denial. I guess he never really cared about me and was just passing time for the last year. How could he move on so quickly if he did?

Just because it came as a shock, doesn't mean he wasn't already thinking of a breakup. You can click on the links in my signature for some good suggestions on what to do about it. No Contact is the key.