Its been 4 days, and just now I've been able to walk around without falling on the floor or nearest couch crying.
My boyfriend, my first love, my everything, died Monday morning, on his way to my house. It was foggy, and he crashed head-on into a bus. He was the most careful driver, everyone knew it.
i can not go on without him.
He was the only person who could bring so much joy into my life. He did that with everyone. everyone loved him so much. He was God's most beautiful piece of work. I need him here. I need him to ever feel remotely okay again.
I can't stop thinking about how it happened. Every night as I try to go to sleep I picture in my head the surroundings, the fog, and the beam of the bus's headlights. I would have given anything to be in the car with him that morning.
I could hear the ambulances from my front porch that morning, and I knew it was him.
That was one of the worst things about all this. The fact that I heard the ambulances... but I was helpless. There was nothing I could do.
He took me with him. Everything that was/is good about me, he gave it to me. He had enough strength and kindness and love and faith for both of us. Now I am lost. I am just completely lost. Nights are horrible, but mornings are just as bad. I can't deal with knowing I am going to get out of bed... and not talk to him. Not see him. Never again.
Please, someone, I need some words of wisdom, and advice. My life is nothing now. Just something given to me, that I gave someone else. That someone else is gone now, along with my life.
Half the time I am good, I can get myself through part of the day, and I can actually function. I can remember the good times, remember how much he loved me, and remember how my life was when I was with him.
Other times I break down and I can't get up. I see no reason to go on without him.
Please help me relieve this pain

I lost my first boyfriend, too. He died of luekemia- it wasn't a shock like yours.

All you can do give yourself time. He wouldn't want you to stop living just like you wouldn't want him to if something had happened to you instead.

Allot yourself x amount of minutes a day to mourn him, then pull yourself together and get on with life.

You can go on without him.

I am so so sorry you are having to go through this during the holiday season. OMG, if I could take away your pain I would. Please know that if I could take it all away, I would do it in a second.

Let me point out two things to you in your post

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he was the only person who could bring so much joy into my life. He did that with everyone.

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AND

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he was God's most beautiful piece of work

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Maybe he was here to make an impact on your life... to show you all the beauty that life holds. He was given to you, and taken away, for a reason. A reason you don't know now, but may discover in the future.

Everyone comes into and out of our lives for a reason. That is part of God's great plan. I know it does not help your pain right now, but you will, and, while you will always remember him, the pain will subside over time. It will never go away, but it will become bearable.

Again, remember, he came in to your life for a reason. Take the beauty and the enthusiasm that he gave you and spread it to everyone you know. In that way, you keep his spirit alive.

Yes it is hard, and right now I know it seems like life will never be able to go on, but it does and we learn to live with the loss after time. In high school I remember watching a girl I cared for die from a train wreck and in latter life my first wife was shot and killed. At the time, there are so many feelings, and no idea of what to do or how to go on. But you do, one day at a time, And as long as you live, that love lives in you, I still remember and talk to my first wife at her grave when I visit. But after time I moved on in life.

I am so sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I'm very sorry for your loss. It's never easy to lose a loved one. But life does go on and time heals all wounds. You will make it and your memories of him will make your life all the richer as the years pass. Prayer and the support of family, friends or even a support group of people who've experienced a similar loss will go a long way towards helping you heal and reclaim your life.

If you could would you call him back to this life knowing where he is now and that he is with God, I don't think so, the same as he would not want you to come back if he were here. Mourn for him and remember him and tell others about him, he will be with you forever. And you must remember "LIFE GOES ON"

You don't have to be without him. He's still with you. That love, everything. Your heart still beats, and that's where his love is. Don't lose your heart, and don't lose yourself. Keep going. If you are the legacy of his love, then you need to stay here in this world and share it with others OK?

People really do live on through other people. You have to believe that. Nothing any of us say is going to make you stop missing him. But you can do a lot in this life to honor him. Do those things that you dreampt of with him, it would make him happy, and you can be fulfilled from the act of doing it.

I am so sorry for your loss. Please get some help from a counselor OK? You really sound like your on the edge here and I'd like to see you stick with this. People can get through these things, but no one does unless they can talk about it.

Best wishes,

Nick

I lost my on and off boyfriend of about 3 and 1/2 years on December 4th, 2007. We were extremely close to each other, he was always there for me and the one I always turned to when other people were hurting me. He also died in a car crash. The news was so unexpected, everyday since I found out it's been like a dream. Or living a nightmare, the one thing I feared most. I had just seen him not even 48 hours before it happened, I spent the night with him and the last time I saw him he dropped me off at my house and kissed me. I know what you must be going through, and like everyone has said, it doesn't exactly get "better" over time. You are stillgoing to remember him and there will always be something missing. Lately, I have been told that when he died, a part of me died as well. I do believe this, because I do believe he was the "one". He was my other half. To wake up one morning and realize that all of that is gone, all the plans we had, all the times we still needed to be with each other, was gone. I really do know how you feel. I was always so worried about something happeneing to him. I even told him plenty of times that I would never want anything to happen to him that would make it so I can never see his beautiful face again.
So far, I have had support from my friends & mom and all I do is think and talk about him, I write down how I feel and that helps sometimes. I like to write as if I were writing to him, telling him about how I feel, because he would always understand. When I'm alone, it hits me the most and that's when I have my breakdowns.I try to get out and be happy but the moment I think I'm all right, it just goes away. It's hasn't even been two months yet, but if I still have support and something to look forward to, and I try to be all the things he wanted me to be, then its easier to cope. I just remember that he would want me to be happy. He never wanted me to be sad, just like I never wanted him to be sad. At least now he never has to feel pain anymore.

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Originally Posted by mahal_kita9

its been 4 days, and just now ive been able to walk around without falling on the floor or nearest couch crying.
my boyfriend, my first love, my everything, died monday morning, on his way to my house. it was foggy, and he crashed head-on into a bus. he was the most careful driver, everyone knew it.
i can not go on without him.
he was the only person who could bring so much joy into my life. he did that with everyone. everyone loved him so much. he was God's most beautiful peice of work. i need him here. i need him to ever feel remotely okay again.
i can't stop thinking about how it happened. every night as i try to go to sleep i picture in my head the surroundings, the fog, and the beam of the bus's headlights. i would have given anything to be in the car with him that morning.
i could hear the ambulances from my front porch that morning, and i knew it was him.
that was one of the worst things about all this. the fact that i heard the ambulances...but i was helpless. there was nothing i could do.
he took me with him. everything that was/is good about me, he gave it to me. he had enough strength and kindness and love and faith for both of us. now i am lost. i am just completely lost. nights are horrible, but mornings are just as bad. i can't deal with knowing i am going to get out of bed...and not talk to him. not see him. never again.
please, someone, i need some words of wisdom, and advice. my life is nothing now. just something given to me, that i gave someone else. that someone else is gone now, along with my life.
half the time i am good, i can get myself through part of the day, and i can actually function. i can remember the good times, remember how much he loved me, and remember how my life was when i was with him.
other times i break down and i can't get up. i see no reason to go on without him.
please help me relieve this pain

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Hey hun... I lost my 1st boyfriend too, to a crash he got hit by a semi and died on my birthday... it still hurts very much after about 4 years that he has been gone... since 2003... but deep inside I know he wants me to be happy and I know your boyfriend that's in heaven along with mine would want the same... he will send you that one perfect person that he thinks is right for u... and I know how you feel because until this day I still feel like breaking down, such as whenever I stay home for the weekends and watch a romantic movie I think of him every second... but we have to be strong... I know it hurts like hell in your heart and you feel a huge empty space and feel like nothing could ever fill it... I mean I haven't experience another love just because I don't give 2 many chances 2 guys but we have 2 learn 2 give these guys chances or else we will never know what was 2 come... write bac and maybe we can help each other through this...

I lost my boyfriend 2 years ago on christmas day when he was coming over to me he crashed into a car while he was on his motorbike and held tightly in his hand was a neclase for me with my name on it saying he will always love me and 3 months after on is birthday I gave birth to his beautiful daughter and now they share the same birthday and me and my daughter will have to share the memories of her dad I will always love him and never forget him but fe moves on and my little angel gave me hope when I was giving up on life and you will find the same xox

Watch-"What the bleep do we know"

It helped me after a close friend died.

It's not some self help , just a movie that makes you see life differently.

I hope you can feel love for yourself and others again...

I am sending you a hug mentally right now.