Hi. I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months now. I love her to death... I think she loves me back. Anyway... lately she's been having bad days. She's been really stressed because of work and school and family stuff. O, by the way I'm 18 and she's 17. I try to help, but she gets so mad at me. She like doesn't give me a chance to help her. I don't think she knows how much her mood affects me. I feel like a horrible boyfriend for not being able to help her... I don't know wuts wrong with me. I don't know what to do... I'm stuck. I love her dearly. I don't want to lose her, but I think I'm going to if things keep going the way they have been going. Somebody... help...

If you have a sick feeling in your stomach and feel confused, then it is time to step back and reassess what is going on in your life, especially with the girl. A girl that likes you will not make you feel that way.

Bump

As George has said its time to back off some and give her the breathing room she needs to deal with her own problems, you can't fix anything for her. Don't be so available when she is busy, you do have other things in your life besides her, don't you. You won't last very long if all you do is make her mad.

I too am 17.
And sometimes, I just need a little space.

So, maybe tell her you want to give her some space, and let her know that if she ever needs anything, you'll be there right away.

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Originally Posted by hurting

Hi. I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months now. I love her to death....I think she loves me back. Anyway...lately shes been having bad days. She's been really stressed because of work and school and family stuff. O, btw im 18 and shes 17. I try to help, but she gets so mad at me. She like doesnt give me a chance to help her. I dont think she knows how much her mood affects me. I feel like a horrible boyfriend for not being able to help her...I dont know wuts wrong with me. I dont know what to do... I'm stuck. I love her dearly. I dont want to lose her, but I think im goin to if things keep going the way they have been going. Somebody....help...

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Just tell her what uve been feeling and that u really want to help her but u just get sad and frustrated when her moods come into play

Here's the thing... and I know its conflicting... you are in this relationship for you, not her. I've been where you are, and I understand your all encompassing desire to make this right.

Well... the truth is, whether you believe it or not, that you need to know when to step back a little, you need to know when its personal, and you need to know when to stand your ground.

You can be her sounding board some. If she feels like you are her best option to let things off her chest, that's OK to some extent... though that's also what girlfriends are for.

Which leads us to the next point... you aren't her girlfriend and being a good boyfriend doesn't mean getting beaten down... there is a point where you Don't take crap just cause she feels bad. You aren't doing her or yourself a favor if you let her verbally take her frustrations out on you.

Again... being supportive... fine. Being a doormat or a butler or a punching bag... not. Not for you or for her.

We all sometimes go through crap and thank God the people who care about us are willing to let us be jerks from time to time. But stop making her misery about you.

You can't save someone. You can't "be there" enough with some people. I think she has to learn to deal with some issues herself... its what adults do... or are supposed to do.

So if the noise becomes too much don't feel bad about having a pair and telling her that you care about her but you need to be treated better. You don't want to lose her. But if she walks because you want some self respect, you don't have her anyway.

Hopefully she's just going through a bad time. Stop worry and fretting about saving her. That isn't your job.

"you" are your job.

Idk if this really changes anything, but we have a long distance relationship. It's not like a whole nother state sort of long distance relationship, but its still long distance I'd say. I still feel like crap. I feel worthless, and I've been thinking about letting her go so she can find someone better... because I know she can. I'm becoming more and more depressed everyday and I've had these thoughts.. Thanks for you're replies guys..

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Originally Posted by hurting

Idk if this really changes anything, but we have a long distance relationship. It's not like a whole nother state sorta long distance relationship, but its still long distance I'd say. I still feel like crap. I feel worthless, and I've been thinking about letting her go so she can find someone better....cuz I know she can. I'm becoming more and more depressed everyday and I've had these thoughts.. Thanks for you're replies guys..

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Try this, Brother: We have a long distance relationship, which makes things a bit more difficult. I don't want to feel like crap anymore. I want to feel good about myself, and I've been thinking about letting her go, and I can find someone better, because I know I can. I do not want to take myself into depression with these thoughts.

Stop trying so hard to please her, and work on pleasing yourself. Long distance relationships are hard to manage for even the best of us.

Here's a secret about women: Women like to vent, but don't want someone to solve all their problems for them. The venting is where it's at; the problems will resolve in time.

That's why John Grey made millions with his book series, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Men are problem-solvers but don't like to deal with lots of emotions. Women have emotions and like to express them but not necessarily solve the problems implicit in the emotions. You see the conflict here? That's what's happening with you and your girl.

Hint: Allow her to vent. In fact, if you want to endear yourself to her, utter empathetic phrases like, "Oh, that sounds so awful" or "Tell me more" or just now and then "Oh, my" while looking soulfully at her and giving her a hug once in a while, showing your support. (Of course, edit those to fit your personality, but be empathetic, not a problem-solver unless she asks.)

She'll ask you for specific problem-solving help when she needs your help.

LOL, Wondergirl is right, being a good sympathetic listener, (is all a guy needs to do most times. (I learned the value of a well placed "yes dear", and it sure helps)

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Originally Posted by hurting

Hi. I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months now. I love her to death....I think she loves me back. Anyway...lately shes been having bad days. She's been really stressed because of work and school and family stuff. O, btw im 18 and shes 17. I try to help, but she gets so mad at me. She like doesnt give me a chance to help her. I dont think she knows how much her mood affects me. I feel like a horrible boyfriend for not being able to help her...I dont know wuts wrong with me. I dont know what to do... I'm stuck. I love her dearly. I dont want to lose her, but I think im goin to if things keep going the way they have been going. Somebody....help...

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If you guys have a really open communtication, just talk to her about it.

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Originally Posted by snowboarding_chick

if you guys have a really open communtication, just talk to her about it.

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When she is through venting.