I am married and have been for 6 years. My husband is the most wonderful man in the world. I get everything that I ask for and then some but I won't to have an affair with a women. I always find myself looking at or commenting on the looks of other women. Is this a sign that I am a lesbian?

No, it does not mean you are a lesbian. If you enjoy your married life, if you have an active sex life with your husband and enjoy it all, then you are not a lesbian.

Now you could be bi-curious. Just looking and wondering. You will not know if you are bi-sexual until you have that physical encounter with a woman. It may totally be nothing at all like your imagination.

Talk to your husband about this. See what he thinks and feels about this. Some guys go crazy when they hear this - thinking "WOW my wife wants another chick and I get to watch." You need to talk through all that. Then you need to decide what to do.

I think it's a sign that your are bi curious which means you like both men and women. Instead of cheating on your husband with another women you should include the women in your relationship. What I mean by that is to ask your husband if he would be willing to have a three some with you and another women, or ask him if he would be interested in watching you with another women. I'm sure he won't mind at all! Men love these kind of things!

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Originally Posted by freakyvicky

I am married and have been for 6 years. My husband is the most wonderful man in the world. I get everything that I ask for and then some but I wont to have an affair with a women. I always find myself looking at or commenting on the looks of other women. Is this a sign that I am a lesbian?

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I think you are bi-sexual. I don't know if I would bring it up to my husband. You know your husband. All men are different. If you feel like you could tell him without a magor breech in the relationship go for it.

I think that perhaps by getting joint and individual counseling, you and your husband can find a closer connection and you can learn to over come the sexual desires that are haunting you.

I don't believe you are a lesbian or necessarily bi sexual. I think you are more and likely just bi-curious. As shygrneyzs said I don't think you will really know until you've had the opportunity to see. I went through a phase were I thought I wanted to be with a woman but each time I had the chance I backed out. It wasn't because I was afraid but because I just realized that even if I like looking at a beautiful woman and even be turned on by her it doesn't mean I actually want to be with her. You may just be going through the same phase. I have talked to a lot of woman who have gone through this phase. I don't believe this feeling will just go away and I don't believe it is a feeling you should keep from you husband either. Be careful how you confront him with this news, he made be happy and excited or he may feel threatened and insecure by your fantasy.

And what would you feel if he decided that he wanted to have an affair with someone else regardless of if it was a man or woman? An affair is an affair so when you go there, you open up a big big can of worms.

Here's the real deal, you're not bi-curious or bi-sexual... you're MARRIED!

You gave up the right to individually satisfy your curiosities when you pledged yourself to another person.

As a married woman, it is not your sexuality that you should be concerned with, it is the sexuality of you as a couple that you should explore...

I think you need to consider the potentiality that you would be throwing your marriage away just to experiment sexually. You never know what negative situations can result when you take sexual risks when you are married. The time for this kind of exploring is when one is not married. Marriage is primarily a positive financial arrangement for a woman and her children, if there are any. It is just fabulous to have a man who is a good provider because it reduces the financial stress a woman has... and your children have a loving man in their lives.

When a great situation is gone, it is *gone forever*. Many women don't have what it takes to make a comeback from divorce and resultant hardships. It is important not to be cavalier about all the good things we have in our lives!

I'm sure you know your husband pretty well... how do you think he'll react when you ask him about a threesome? Will he like it? Will he get jealous?

Yes, some girls are right... guys do like the idea of threesomes or the idea of his girl being with another girl... to a point. When it gets to the point where the guy feels threatened, it may ruin the relationship.

You will enjoy your fanasy more if you keep it to yourself. We all Married couples) get a yearn for something other than our partners, but we don't act on them, nor in MY opinion, should we.

On a side note, we have a thread about a married man who is gay, and they jumped all over him, and the wife is more than a little upset.

You said you talked to your husband and he said his heart will not let him do this. What about your heart? Is he accepting that you are bi-curious? Is he trusting enough that you could see if this curiousity is anything more? That is what I was trying to get at - not so much that he would join you in this but that he was understanding of your feelings and secure in the marriage, even if you decide to pursue your attractions to women.

I disagree with telling someone who is married, to explore their sexuality outside the relationship.If the husband where to go along, that may be a different story, but if its okay for a woman, why not a married gay man? Why get married if outside partners are allowed?

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I always find myself looking at or commenting on the looks of other women. Is this a sign that I am a lesbian?

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No not really, Now if it makes you hot and bothered, that may be different.

Have you asked yourself if you are willing to risk losing a good marriage to gain a girlmate?

My wife comments on other women all the time... she has zero desire to have anything to do with them sexually. And she would tell me if she did.

Hell she knows what I like and points them out before I even have time to see them.

And what if he and the other woman exclude you?

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Originally Posted by freakyvicky

I am married and have been for 6 years. My husband is the most wonderful man in the world. I get everything that I ask for and then some but I wont to have an affair with a women. I always find myself looking at or commenting on the looks of other women. Is this a sign that I am a lesbian?

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In my opinion a lot of women check each other out. It's normal. From looking at the clothes they wear to the curve of their bodies. Some women look at other women because they wish they had some of the features that other women have. "Wow she has beautiful legs," or "Oh my she is fit, I wish I had her tight behind," It's natural.

Now I'm not ruling out that you are bisexual nor am I really agreeing that you are. In my opinion, and note this is only my opinion, you cannot be bisexual if you are not having sex. It's a very high possibility that you may be a non-practicing bisexual.

I have thought that I was bisexual for a long time. I am still very attracted to women but I have had a girlfriend and the sex wasn't really at all what I had hoped for. Maybe it was just because I was nervous being a "same sex virgin" and all. Maybe she just wasn't a great lover. I consider myself a nonpracticing bicurious woman. I don't know for a fact that I am bisexual and if I am, I wouldn't act on those urges because I am in a very committed relationship.

BUT if you find yourself fantasizing about women, try thinking about them when you masturbate. It isn't cheating and it still lets you further explore your sexuality. That way if you can't get into it, you won't risk cheating on your husband for something you are unsure of anyway.

I hope this helps,
Emily