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-   -   Trying to do what is best for my niece (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=161967)

  • Dec 12, 2007, 10:09 AM
    fallinandtwizted
    Trying to do what is best for my niece
    Here is the situation.
    I have a niece (brother's daughter) who will be 6 in April, she is a very bright little girl. Neither of her parents have really been in her life unless it did something to benefit them. I was 15 years old when she was born and for the first year and a half of her life took care of her until her great-grandmother came into the picture, now she takes care of her, but it isn't easy. Both of her parents have always been in deep with drugs and neither of them are stable. The mother can't keep a job and bounces around from house to house doing drugs and the father can't seem to pay any of his bills and also does drugs and drinks way too much, he also have very bad anger problems. He has even gone as far as smoking pot while my niece was in the house. Her mother also tried committing suicide a few time and once my niece was in the house. Her mother is also never home and if asked my niece will tell you she hasn't seen either parent in a long time. I talked to both my mother and my sister and they both agree that it would probably be best to try and get custody of her. I live with my boyfriend and he says that he would love to bring her to live with us. We've been talking about getting married and if the courts want that it won't be a problem. We both work for the New Jersey State Police, but not cops, so we have great jobs and great benefit... I know that I am rambling but here are my questions.

    What should I do?
    Who should I turn to?
    And
    Do you think I have a chance of getting custody?

    Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
  • Dec 12, 2007, 10:22 AM
    charlotte234s
    First you should talk to the parents and ask them if they are willing to give you custody, if they will not, gather evidence and people to talk to about how the parents are, get a lawyer, and go to court to fight for custody since they are obviously deadbeats.
  • Dec 12, 2007, 10:30 AM
    fallinandtwizted
    Well when asked about a year ago the father said he would sign over custody, the mother I know won't.
  • Dec 12, 2007, 10:31 AM
    charlotte234s
    Well, get a lawyer and ask the father to go and talk with the lawyer with you is my best idea.
  • Dec 12, 2007, 01:35 PM
    450donn
    If they have any convictions for drugs or anything I would bet that you could use that against them to gain custody. If you do follow this route and I applaud you for doing it, be sure that you can terminate ALL parental rights. And then be really sure you can keep the birth parents out of the picture until the child is old enough to understand and cope with her birth parents problems. My sister has done this for a couple of her grand kids and because the mother was in the picture at times it has really been a disaster.
  • Dec 12, 2007, 01:49 PM
    ScottGem
    Is the great grand mother willing to turn her over?

    I would get a family law atty to help you. I think the first step is for you to get legal guardianship. I think you can do this on your own and without the parents express consent. You will have to elinst the local children's services agency.

    Once you have gotten guardianship, as soon as you get married, you can file for adoption. The courts would prefer a married couple to adopt. You may have to force a termination of rights if the mother won't agree, but with the mother's suicidal history and drug history, that shouldn't be too hard.

    You need to document the histories.
  • Dec 12, 2007, 01:55 PM
    Alty
    I'm assuming that you live in the US so I can't give you any legal advice because I'm not aware of how your legal system works in situations like these. I do however want to applaud you for doing this and wish you all the best. You are a remarkable person and I hope that everything works out for you and your niece. Keep us informed, I know I'd like to know how this all turns out.
  • Dec 17, 2007, 12:06 PM
    fallinandtwizted
    I get calls from the grandmother all the time about how nobody helps her with my niece. I get my niece as much as the grandmother lets me. I think the grandmother knows what I am planning because she is trying to keep me from her. I document everything. From when I have her to how long I have her. The mother just moved up to a not so good area and I am afraid that she is going to decided that she wants to take my niece with her. But I will def. keep everyone posted on what is happening.
  • Dec 17, 2007, 12:24 PM
    N0help4u
    Maybe you should talk to the grandmother to see what she plans on doing if she ever gets to the point she can't take care of her. Tell her that if she doesn't have a plan and something happens they can take her and adopt her out to strangers so it is best if she has a back up plan. I have a feeling that the more you look like you are trying to 'take her off her' the more difficult it will be. Let her see you are willing to work with her and work out a compromise for now.

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