Ask Me Help Desk - Cheating wife

My wife cheated on me and I have lost all trust in her.
My wife swore on our 15 month old son that it was only a kiss, But the next day told me that they had sex, She told me after I had asked what positions etc they had done and was he bigger than me ( Yes he was) she also told me that she had seen him 7 times but only had sex once for 15 minutes and all the time she was thinking She shouldn't be doing this ?
It started via kissing which lead into the bedroom were both of them took there clothes off and he went behind her without a durex they laid her on the bed and went down on her then put on a durex and finished off and she tells me that in 15 minutes that she never came,
She never enjoyed it and all she thought about was that she shouldn't be doing this ? But met him 2 times after the sex to talk ?
He is 47 years old and she is 24 years old a difference of 23 years.
I am now staying at a friends home 15 miles away, as this is that she wants, as she thinks its better that I stay there and she comes over on her days off with our son for 4hrs or so every other day and may stay from time to time?
She tells me that she loves me and wants us to work out for our son. But living 15 miles apart doesent help as I think she is still seeing him in her spare time at work ie: lunch and dinner breaks.
She does phone me to let me know she is on her breaks etc and we do spend most of the time chatting dueing them, But I still feel that she is pushing me away but not wanting me there looking after our son in which her mum does. We both live with my mother in law.
She doesn't want me staying at home as she thinks that am better were I am and she doesn't have to worry about me?
Please can someone Please give me advice on what to do, as I really do love her to bits, but hate the thought of her being with someone else and every time I look at her I picture him having sex with her and for another man looking after my son.
But I don't want to stay in my marriage living 15 miles away being a part time husband and father.

Please Please Please Advice Me
Xxx

Once trust is broken it is difficult to get it back. I see a red flag here though. She doesn't want you to live back at home because you are better where you are and she doesn't have to worry about you? What's up with that ?

I find it odd too, that you just had to ask if he was bigger and what positions did they have sex in. I don't see how that is relevant after your wife tells you she had sex with another man. Why would you be interested in that information after being cuckholded ?

If she really wanted you back, and you really wanted to be back, then nothing would stop either one of you from being together. You are both avoiding the issue I think, and the issue is your marriage is probably finished.

I think I wanted to know because of being compared when we do make love which is only twice she looks at my manhood more and looks away also while making love now she looks away or closes her eyes or have the light switched off and I can't help but think she is thinking of him

I think it is time for a frank conversation with her. Ask her if she wants to make the marriage work? And ask yourself, do you really want to make it work? If both of you answer yes, then maybe it's time for a marriage councillor.

OK thanks
Just having trouble coping with the thought of what they did its always in my mine when I look at her

It seems to me that after cheating on you she would be doing everything in her power to make it up to you... not having you move that far away. Even if she isn't seeing the other guy. I would guess she is up to something and it isn't about you. I sure wouldn't trust her!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jonmizon

My wife cheated on me and I have lost all trust in her.
My wife swore on our 15 month old son that it was only a kiss, But the next day told me that they had sex, She told me after I had asked what positions etc they had done and was he bigger than me ( Yes he was) she also told me that she had seen him 7 times but only had sex once for 15 mins and all the time she was thinking She shouldnt be doing this ?
It started via kissing which lead into the bedroom were both of them took there clothes off and he went behind her without a durex they layed her on the bed and went down on her then put on a durex and finished off and she tells me that in 15 mins that she never came,
She never enjoyed it and all she thought about was that she shouldnt be doing this ? but met him 2 times after the sex to talk ?
He is 47 years old and she is 24 years old a difference of 23 years.
I am now staying at a friends home 15 miles away, as this is that she wants, as she thinks its better that I stay there and she comes over on her days off with our son for 4hrs or so every other day and may stay from time to time?
She tells me that she loves me and wants us to work out for our son. But living 15 miles apart doesent help as I think she is still seeing him in her spare time at work ie: lunch and dinner breaks.
She does phone me to let me know she is on her breaks etc and we do spend most of the time chatting dueing them, But I still feel that she is pushing me away but not wanting me there looking after our son in which her mum does. we both live with my mother in law.
She doesnt want me staying at home as she thinks that am better were I am and she doesnt have to worry about me ?.
Please can someone Please give me advice on what to do, as I really do love her to bits, but hate the thought of her being with someone else and every time I look at her I picture him having sex with her and for another man looking after my son.
But I dont want to stay in my marrage living 15 miles away being a part time husband and father.

Please Please Please Advice Me
xxx

Sometimes the easy path... is to divorce... how sad... seeking forgiveness is what required.. so many men chose not to listen... it may have something to do with unfullfilled needs and wants she isn't getting at home... counseling can go along with this... I would advice both be involved in this... since it seems to be a communication and emotional and sexually frusturation that exists in a couple relationship especially if it involves kids... be positive... act positive and love each other... remember divorce is always an easy out... it takes a good man to admit when he has pushed his wife to go that far.

I agree with Nohelp. You two need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk and determine if you both want to make this marriage work. As Nohelp said something is not right about her asking you to stay somewhere else. I could understand if it were you who said you needed some space from the situation, but she should be on her hands and knees kissing your butt and begging you for forgiveness not asking you to leave! I agree with Nobleman in one aspect which is she may have felt that you were not giving her something she felt she needed. It would be good for you to find out what that might be but what ever the reason that is in NO WAY a good enough reason for her to cheat. I'm sorry but it doesn't seem like she is very sorry for what she did, in fact it sounds like she did it to hurt you and is now using it to hurt you even more.

The problem is not the blame... the problem is to save something worth saving! Of course, if your truly want to place blame.. then the blame belongs to both of them.. it takes to tangle...

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Nobleman

The problem is not the blame...the problem is to save something worth saving! Of course, if your truely want to place blame ..then the blame belongs to both of them..it takes to tangle...

Yup, but she was “tangling” with a third party and her husband who she made a commitment to wasn’t invited.

If you still want her after her confession, then you need to both go to some good counseling sessions to work things out. Find out if you can rebuild trust, and if she is willing to work on the issues as well. Good Luck to you, and if it helps, remember, it's not the size of the package, but how you use it... and what comes with it... that matters.

So far you have let her make all the decisions and you just react. You could use some counseling to help with your personal problems, before you can deal with this relationship, and issues. Start with you first.

Sounds to me like they've already had the 'heart to heart' and he is out. You will need a competent counselor to put this one back together. If she is unwilling, then there is your answer.

I hope you will take some time and review the posts at this site under "Relationships"... there is a wealth of information, especially No Contact.