I am so confused I am 27 and my boyfriend is 28 we have been together for about 8 years and we have 2 kids together and I had one before him but he treats him as if he was his. We have been living together for about 7 years I would have never thought he would cheat on me in the past 3 years we have been getting pressure about marriage from our families. He calls my mom “mom”. And both sides of the family wanted to see us get married last march I started to feel different and felt like there was something wrong so before I start to check things out I came out and ask him if he was cheating he said no. I found a girls number but he said it was a friend from work that he was hooking his friend up with. So I try to leave it alone but something was not right I ask him to move out but do to family problems he had to come back I told him we would have to go to counseling he agree so in June we started counseling. Counseling was good it helped us open up from what I thought we were doing the extra sizes and we were doing good spending more time even he said our relationship was the best it’s been in a long time so I thought. I still had a feeling something was wrong but I kept pushing it back because everyone said I was crazy he would never cheat on you. In September his phone rang and I realized it was a girl so I check his text and found out he was having a sexual affair with her. (This person new that he had a family and ask him in the text are you sure you want to do this I do not want to break up a family) And told her he loved her. He said he did all this and he said he was sorry and did not love her he said it because she was saying it to him. And she new if it came down to her or his family he would choose is family. He said he did not know why he did it .he knew he was wrong and wanted to work things out. He called her in front of me and said it was over. We do have kids and before this I loved our relationship we never really fight we agree on almost everything and he is a great dad. But I am having a hard time getting over it. I am scared that it could happen again and I feel stupid for staying with him. I also went and got tested for everything under the sun. Because of my background I want to say f him I can do it on by myself. But I still love him. I think I am also scared if I have to move on that nobody would want me with three kids and two baby daddy’s. ( we are still leaving together for the kids and started to go to counseling) still having a hard time dealing with it

Well you could choose to stay with him and then get dumped for the next girl a couple years down the road. Look at it this way... your 27... not that far from thirty. If this happens in the future and he chooses her over your family... will it be too late for you to start over then? You have to think about your age as well as whether you'd want to put your kids through that scenario. If you do stay with him, make sure it changes. Become the dominant one in the relationship. Make sure he knows your in charge and that if he's that stupid again he will pay. Also work on your independence now while it's not necessary so that if it comes down to it you know you can survive without him. Don't worry about having three kids by two daddies. While that would turn some men off, are those really the men you want around? The men who care more about what society thinks than your personality or what your kids are like? I mean, if they were axe murderers, hey. But they're kids. You can not let the sins of the father be visited upon the child... or the mother.

You have already taken a good step with counseling, stay with it, and let time heal you. You must give yourself that time. It will be hard, but you can do this. There are no magic pills to change how you feel. Just hard work, on yourself.

I understand starting over at any age. I know a newlywed who is thirty eight. I wasn't cutting off that suggestion. That's why I said to prepare yourself for independence in case it does happen later on. You can restart life at any age. It does get harder the older you get because most men are set in their ways and are either divorced and not ready for a new relationship or widowed and still not over their exes or happily married as you get older. It's easier to find someone with less baggage earlier on... however don't cut someone off who has baggage simply for that reason... they may be better suited to understand yours because of it. I know that I am talking in circles right now but it brings me down to my point. There are two new roads that open up from each road you can take. The world is full of possibilities. I can't tell you what is right for you because of the millions of tiny things that brought you to where you are and while this is a big decision, it will be supported by a million others to shape where your life goes that I simply can't account for. All you can do is weigh the facts, figure out just how well you know him and just how much your willing to take before you reach your breaking point. When and if you reach that point, don't push yourself further. Don't break yourself down for anyone. And remember...


""God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.""

mrsjstevens has some great insight. I'd listen to her, if I were you.
Simone

If you don't feel that you can live with him, do what you have to do. I will tell you that if he is sorry, and works on your relationship. He won't be as likely to continue to stray.
He has had a glimpse of the grass on the other side, and may have noticed it ain't any greener.
Your age and his are a big factor. For the opposite reasons than others have said. He has had the "seven year itch" when people become aware of the passing of time,suddenly panic and try to behave as if they are young and single again.

Although he has done and said stupid things, he also did tell her it was over in your prescence. People get caught up in stupid idealised messes sometimes.
What does your counselor tell you? That person has better insight into your relationship than anyone here.