First off, I'm new, my name is Andrew. Nice to meet you all. Second, I have been married for 3 years and still going. My wife is perfect in every way and I love her with all my heart, I know this because in the 3 years of marriage we hava had intercourse zero times. Yep none, 0, nadda. We both met at a young age and both never dated anyone else except each other. We were and still are both Virgins. My question of all this is... When we try and have intercourse, it hurts her very bad. She says it feels like burning sharp pains. Ive tried using fingers first, still the burning. On our honey moon is when this all first came up, of course, and I told her I will never rush her and I will wait as long as she needs. The problem is, I never figured 3 years later. So why does it hurt so bad? Is this normal? Anyone??

Has she been to a doctor about this? I know with it being her first time there is bound to be some pain involved. Kind of comes with the territory for females. Now what I would say is have it checked out by preferably a gynecologist to be sure nothings wrong in there. Are you using a little bit of lubricant before you start? When exactly does she start telling you it hurt?

We haven't been to a doctor, she doesn't really want too. We use ky warming lube and she says it hurts almost immediately. I can barely even touch the opening with a finger and it hurts her.

Okay if you really wish to have sex before you turn 50 she needs to go see a doctor. She may not want to go but its important that she does. If she is afraid it will be painfull when they go to look at her maybe she can ask the doctor if they can give her something so it won't hurt when they do. Please tell her the importance of going to the doctor. Let me know what happens.

I agree that she should go to a doctor as soon as possible! I used to have this problem myself... I could not have intercourse, and fingering really hurt me too. It felt like a hot knife cutting my flesh. I went to a gynecologist, and it turned out that I still had an intact and very tough hymen. The doctor was able to perform a simple procedure to cut the hymen, and after a couple of weeks of healing I was perfectly. I feel so much better now, and have no discomfort. You should really encourage your wife to go for an evaluation, if you want to have a happy married life.

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Originally Posted by cwc.02

First off, I'm new, my name is Andrew. Nice to meet you all. Second, I have been married for 3 years and still going. My wife is perfect in every way and I love her with all my heart, I know this because in the 3 years of marraige we hava had intercourse zero times. Yep none, 0, nadda. We both met at a young age and both never dated anyone else except each other. We were and still are both Virgins. My question of all this is....When we try and have intercourse, it hurts her very bad. She says it feels like burning sharp pains. Ive tried using fingers first, still the burning. On our honey moon is when this all first came up, of course, and I told her I will never rush her and I will wait as long as she needs. The problem is, I never figured 3 years later. So why does it hurt so bad? Is this normal? Anyone????????

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Usually, when a woman is sexually aroused, fluids are secreted in the vagina that keep the lining well lubricated. But if a woman is not sexually aroused, or if fluids are not secreted for some other reason, intercourse can cause very painful damage to the vaginal lining. And in some cases. Avoid intercourse until you are sexually aroused. The second way is to use an artificial water-based vaginal lubricant, such as K-Y jelly, Vagisil Intimate Moisturizer, or Replens Vaginal Moisturizer, as a substitute or backup for natural lubricant.

But since your wife has been experiencing intercourse pain for 3 years, I highly advise you to take her to see her health care provider to determine the cause and severity of the intercourse pain.

As you proablly can tell, I agree with all the other posters about taking her to see a Doctor.

Something else though. From what I remember from my high school law class, and remember, I could easily be wrong. But here in Canada I thought that the law was that a marriage had to be consimated within 1 year to remain a valid one.

I think the UK and USA would have similar laws to that.

Although, technically then, you could use this as a chip in your back pocket in case you 2 ever head down the path of divorce, you could claim that since your marriage wasn't consimated in its first year, it became invalid.

I am pretty sure its within 1 year (might vary based on your country if other than Canada). That is why men who are impotent, not sterile, but impotent cannot get married legally. It is okay if they become impotent afterwards though.

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Originally Posted by CaptainForest

As you proablly can tell, I agree with all the other posters about taking her to see a Doctor.

Something else though. From what I remember from my high school law class, and remember, I could easily be wrong. But here in Canada I thought that the law was that a marriage had to be consimated within 1 year to remain a valid one.

I think the UK and USA would have similar laws to that.

Although, technically then, you could use this as a chip in your back pocket in case you 2 ever head down the path of divorce, you could claim that since your marriage wasn't consimated in its first year, it became invalid.

I am pretty sure its within 1 year (might vary based on your country if other than Canada). That is why men who are impotent, not sterile, but impotent cannot get married legally. It is okay if they become impotent afterwards though.

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I am going to tell her that it is very important that she goes to the doctor. Also, is there a place that I can find out more about the laws? I love her too much to ever divorce, but maybe I can use it as a reason to get checked out by a doctor.

Upon doing some more research, I have found that there are 2 types of marriages.

VOID marriages (if you marry your sister)

And

VOIDABLE marriages (if you bring up the issue of lack of consummation it becomes Void)

From what I can tell, I can't find anything on the 1 year rule.

However, Until the marriage is consummated, either party can have the marriage Voided as if it never happened. But once consummated, even once, than the marriage cannot be voided on those grounds.

I’ve done this research for Canada, as I don’t know where you live.

So yes, you could try to use this as a means to get her to go to the Doctor. But after 3 years, if she doesn’t want to go to the Doctor on her own, perhaps you should be taking her to a psychiatrist.

Captain Forrest is right on about the psychiatrist... if your wife has nothing wrong physically, a psychiatrist who specializes in sexual dysfunction is a good idea. There is a condition called vaginismus, which involves an involuntary spasm of the vaginal muscles, and makes intercourse, and even finger penetration and the use of tampons very painful. Women with this condition also typically have severe problems with pelvic exams. It's a largely psychological condition, with sexual or other traumas thought to be the cause. There IS treatment for it however, which usually invloves a gradual "stretching" of the vaginal opening, and relaxation techniques, all within the woman's control and at her own pace. Where I live (in Canada), treatment by a psychiatrist who specializes in sexual dysfunction is completely covered with a referral from a family doctor. In any event, your wife should definitely be seen by at least one health care professional. Good luck!

I think you should see bring her to see a doctor and from there you can know more, secondly, may be she is to nervous. I hear from the radio station from a doctor he say that some people gets too nervous as a result she will produce some though thinking that it is very painful but actually it is not. Just their imagination. But I not sure whether she is one of them but I really hope you can bring her to see a doctor. I hope this helps.

Hi, I don't really have a good answer for this, but I wanted you to know that I too have this problem. I have been with my husband for three years, and although we have had sex, it is so painful that it leaves me in tears for days. The kind of pain your wife is having is not psychological, it is very real and excruciating. I have not yet gone to see the doctor, but I am really considering it now, since I know I'm not the only one. I recently baught K Y vaginal lubricant that comes with an applicator, it says it lasts for a few days, so I'm hoping it will soothe and help with the pain I'm having. I'll write back and let you know more about it later.

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Originally Posted by cwc.02

First off, I'm new, my name is Andrew. Nice to meet you all. Second, I have been married for 3 years and still going. My wife is perfect in every way and I love her with all my heart, I know this because in the 3 years of marraige we hava had intercourse zero times. Yep none, 0, nadda. We both met at a young age and both never dated anyone else except each other. We were and still are both Virgins. My question of all this is....When we try and have intercourse, it hurts her very bad. She says it feels like burning sharp pains. Ive tried using fingers first, still the burning. On our honey moon is when this all first came up, of course, and I told her I will never rush her and I will wait as long as she needs. The problem is, I never figured 3 years later. So why does it hurt so bad? Is this normal? Anyone????????

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Andrew, Your wife first needs to see a Medical Doctor, there is no reason for this burning feeling unless she has some type of Vaginal infection, Of course it will hurt her the first couple of times you have sex, that will go away, To be truthful, I think there is only two things that is causing her to be this way, She either needs extensive help or she is a Lesbian. I know this sounds hard, but it happens, I once had a friend for over 8 years until we went to a Christmas party with our wives, they left early for work, I gave him a ride home, on the way to his house, he kept trying to put his hand on my leg, I found out he was a Homo, anyway, he found himself out of the car and walking home.

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Originally Posted by cwc.02

First off, I'm new, my name is Andrew. Nice to meet you all. Second, I have been married for 3 years and still going. My wife is perfect in every way and I love her with all my heart, I know this because in the 3 years of marraige we hava had intercourse zero times. Yep none, 0, nadda. We both met at a young age and both never dated anyone else except each other. We were and still are both Virgins. My question of all this is....When we try and have intercourse, it hurts her very bad. She says it feels like burning sharp pains. Ive tried using fingers first, still the burning. On our honey moon is when this all first came up, of course, and I told her I will never rush her and I will wait as long as she needs. The problem is, I never figured 3 years later. So why does it hurt so bad? Is this normal? Anyone????????

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Does she have pain any other time? I am going to guess no. There is a name for the condition I looked it up once for my sister but I can't remember it. There are lots of women who suffer from this problem. Her pain is cause by swelling and tightening of the vaginal tissue. The burning is like the same pain you get when you are body building. It is muscle tension. Like a muscle cramp only somewhere you should never get one. What you need is not a gynecologist it's a sex therapist. Unfortunetly a female exam may be a bit more than uncomfortable for her at this point too. A sex therapist can help a lot. They can teach both of you ways to relax those muscles, it will take awhile but you have already waited a long time so you must be very patient. Oh yeah and lots of potassium and water that should help too. Check out Dr. Ruth's book Sex for Dummies (no offense meant) she talks about it.

The problem with vaginismus is that a lot of the problem is in your mind as well as being physical. The longer the problem goes on, the worse your wife will feel. She will become nervous and cause her vaginal muscles to tighten making the situation worse. In England they look at councilling and even hypnosis to combat this. It is going to be a long and slow process that will be extremely frustrating for your wife but since you seem to be a fantastically supportive husband I'm sure you will help he through this. She needs to address this sooner rather than later because I suspect this problem restricts your personal intimacy and causes tention. Also there is no chance of having children this way. I am not sure that telling her that you may not legally be married is the best of ideas though, unless you really have no other choice because she may see this as a threat of divorce and that will just make the situation worse. Out of interest, can your wife touch herself? Does this still hurt in the same way? What about tampons, or have they been given up as a lost cause?

She Should Go Get That Checked Cause I Know It Hur For My First Time But Not That Bad To Stop The Whole Thing... I Hope Everything Workd Out For You

She may have Vaginismus.

Did you look at the last post day of over five years go?

Please look at current threads not bring back long long dead ones.