Originally Posted by givemeabreak
Okay, let me start with my user name is a direct reflection of this problem. This is long, so here goes....
We have neighbors that are "friends". They moved next to us almost 10 years ago. Our children are the same age.
I'd say it started one day, while I was pregnant with my 2nd child and getting ready to go out to a holiday party. The neighbor rang the bell with her daughter and asked my husband if we would watch her while they put up their Christmas lights. He stumbled and started to say "yes" and I interrupted and said that we couldn't because we were going out. The neighbor replied, "You don't want her? Fine." and huffed away. Later she would tell me that she watched to see when we went out and that because it was 2 hours later, we shouldn't have said no.
Since then, we became "friends". The problem arises when we are asked for something and we say "no." Especially during the summer months when her friend down the street goes camping for the summer. During this time, my neighbor starts calling us more and wants to have the kids play, and come into our pool, etc. (I actually started bringing my own kids in to hide in the house because I didn't want to have to see her). After saying "not today" when asked if the kids come come into the pool one day, we had to have a sit down meeting over the whole thing and the end result from them was the following:
1) we don't ask you all the time, so when we ask you to watch the children, we expect you to do it.
2) when I am away (the husband) I expect you to check in on my wife and help her
3) we don't want you to put up a privacy fence between the yards.
4) we don't want you to put up any barrier that will change the amount of sun our garden will get.
There's more but I can't think of it all.
So last night she invited all the neighbor "friends" over and not us. Even was talking to her on the phone while making dinner and she never mentioned it. So today, I was talking with her and asked if there was something bothering her. There was. During this past week, her husband was away on business...we had gotten snow. My husband snowblowed our driveway and not theirs. She said she watched from her window and "willed" my husband to come and do theirs and was disappointed in us that we didn't offer. I asked her why she didn't ask for help and she said that she wanted us to offer. So now we can add 5) we expect you to snow blow our driveway because you purchased a snow blower.
The problem is, when she has these "moments" she alienates my family from neighborhood gatherings. I get the cold shoulder until she needs something. My children are young and don't understand why they can't play with all the other kids when this happens. The ironic part about all this is she demanded to us, "I am a good person!" the last time she hosted a neighborhood thing and excluded us when I called her on it.
Besides moving, are there any suggestions?
