Well, it has been a few months now, and I made a mistake and broke the no contact rule with my ex. I had been doing pretty good for awhile, but I got sad and lonely last night and left a message that definitely made it clear that I missed him. I didn't hear back and now I'm so embarrassed. Now, I'm back to starting over again and I'm so mad at myself. At this point, I'm not sure if I should apologize and just say I was having an off night, or if it's better to just leave it alone. When you mess up with the no contact approach and get totally ignored, what should you do? I don't want to make it worse, but I also don't want to leave it unresolved with me being totally vulnerable and him having all the control. Part of me wants to address that I messed up and was just having a bad night and that I'm sorry and it won't happen again, or even make a joke about it. Is this a good idea or will it make things worse? I am really alone and have nobody to ask and this site has been such a huge help to me over the past few months. I am moving forward and even have days where I hardly think of him, but the nights are the worst when I'm all alone. Thank you for any help/advice you can provide... I can really use it!! I want to fix this somehow and at least leave things on a good note where I don't look/feel so incredibly stupid and get some power back so I can start over and move forward from here.

If an alcoholic makes a mistake and takes a drink it doesn't mean he should give up and start drinking again. What is done is done and you can't go back, so move forward and learn from your mistake so that you don't do it again. I wouldn't call him back to take it back because you can't. Just leave it as it is.

Well since you got no reply at all, I would send one more message and say something along the lines of "you could have at least aknowledged I contacted you, I mean you know I am hurting and it is just cruel to be such a jerk, dont worry I wont ever bother you again" and leave it at that. Just my opinion. I mean you really don't need to say anything back, but I would at least let it be known how unkind that really is and leave it at that and then go NC and if you get a reply don't even respond. You made your point. That is just my opinion.

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Originally Posted by stonewilder

If an alcoholic makes a mistake and takes a drink it doesn't mean he should give up and start drinking again. What is done is done and you can't go back, so move forward and learn from your mistake so that you don't do it again. I wouldn't call him back to take it back because you can't. Just leave it as it is.

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Just pick yourself up and go back to NC.Don't bother sending another text.The first didn't work,don't dirive yourself insane.I truly believe that you don't have to do that.If they want you then they will come to you.

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Originally Posted by Diamondstar03

Well since you got no reply at all, I would send one more message and say something along the lines of "you could have at least aknowledged I contacted you, I mean you know I am hurting and it is just cruel to be such a jerk, dont worry I wont ever bother you again" and leave it at that. Just my opinion. I mean you really dont need to say anything back, but I would at least let it be known how unkind that really is and leave it at that and then go NC and if you get a reply dont even respond. You made your point. That is just my opinion.

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I agree, what a jerk!! This happened go me except I didn't email and tell him that I missed him but still you don't ttreat people like that, I say email him and get it off your chest, say what diamondstar said, or say I emailed you and have gotten no reply, you could at least ackowledge my email .well my mistake as usual, this time I know better than contact the likes of you. I hate people who has t reat others that way

Err, why do you think he is a jerk? There is a no contact rule and he honours it and he is a jerk? Go figure.

Anyway... as most people have said, time to let it go and move on. You broke your own rule but you don't have to suffer over it, accept it was a mistake and move on.
Now, as far as the power goes, the only power he has over you is what you give him.
As you said yourself, you are lonely and the need for contact is very powerful but you need to look for contact elsewhere.
Good luck... :)

You send anything to him, you'll just feel even worse. Leave him alone. He's left you alone. You're rubbing salt in your own wounds.

--Cali

Yeah. I wouldn't say anything. If you send him an e-mail/call him/text him... 2 things can happen:

1. he'll respond. You'll say that it was a mistake. He'll say OK. In the end, he'll know you're hurting. You won't know anything about what he's feeling.

2. he won't respond. Now, you've left him 2 messages.

Either way. Lose lose. Don't do it.

I think you're hoping that when you call to tell him you've made a mistake, that he'll tell you that he's hurting too, or you'll find out how he's doing. Trust me... more times than not, you won't. So don't leave yourself out in the open like that again.

Forgive yourself, and go back to no contact.

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Originally Posted by Diamondstar03

Well since you got no reply at all, I would send one more message and say something along the lines of "you could have at least aknowledged I contacted you, I mean you know I am hurting and it is just cruel to be such a jerk, dont worry I wont ever bother you again" and leave it at that. Just my opinion. I mean you really dont need to say anything back, but I would at least let it be known how unkind that really is and leave it at that and then go NC and if you get a reply dont even respond. You made your point. That is just my opinion.

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I disagree with this. This would naturally be everyone's first impulse (mine included). But you don 't want to send him another message, expressing your anger.
This will show him that you were desperate for his response, and you were very bothered that he didn't answer, and thus giving you the lonely image you don't want. Plus, he most likely won't answer, which will drive you even more crazy.
If you don't contact him, he will probably think that you would have liked to keep in touch, maybe you liked the idea of it, but you weren't distressed about it.
Just leave it at that. Don't contact him, if he contacts you DON'T bring it up. Do as if you had already forgotten that you contacted him.
If he doesn't, who cares. Go out, and have fun. Let your self-satisfaction be strong enough to gain your own power.