My new boyfriend called me at work today and told me that he wanted to take me to dinner at this restaurant in Manhattan, New York. I had a hectic day at work and I was looking forward to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend. I was thinking of what to wear for the date, but my co-workers paid me a compliment and told me that I'm hot, regardless of what I wear. However, I rushed home to get ready and wore a cute little black dress with matching sandals for him. When he came to pick me up, he got out of the car and gave me a big hug, and I thought to myself, this night is going to be wonderful.

When we got to the restaurant, the receptionist took us to our table and we sat down and ordered dinner. As I'm sitting there having dinner with my boyfriend, I saw my girlfriend's boyfriend Dave in the restaurant with another woman. I choked on my food when I saw them, so I grabbed my glass of champagne and drank it down. My boyfriend asked me if I was okay, and I told him that I just saw Dave. He looked across the room and there he was, then Dave decided to come over to say, hi. He told us that the girl he was with is a friend, but I didn't believe it for a second because she was all over him. I felt this sadness come over me, I was thinking of my girlfriend and how distort she's going to be when she finds out that her boyfriend was out with someone else. I didn't want to be there any longer, therefore, I told my boyfriend to take me home.

As we were leaving, Dave came up to me, he knew I was on to him. I asked him if he loved my girlfriend, he said, yes. Then he asked me if I was going to tell my girlfriend on him, I told him that she would want to hear the truth from him, rather than me. I explained to him that she deserved to know that he was out with another woman, and if he loved her, to be honest with her. He said that he was going to call her and talk to her right away. My boyfriend thought I did the right thing, but I'm not sure I did. When I got home tonight, I turned my cell phone off, I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I know my phone will be ringing like crazy tomorrow while I'm at work. Do you guys think I did the right thing by letting Dave be the one to tell my girlfriend?

The question is, what would SHE want.

Would she rather here that her boyfriend is cheating on her from the boyfriend, or would she rather here it from her close friend, you?

Both decisions has its pros and cons.

But giving the boyfriend a chance to explain it sounds like a good call. But you should follow up on it tomorrow. If he hasn't told her, then you should tell her.

I know I would prefer my partner to tell me if was cheating or went out on a date with someone else. If he had any kind of feelings or repect for me then he would do so. If they could not do that then I would want my friend to tell me for sure.

You did the right thing allowing him the chance to come clean - but you really must make sure he does do as he says. A good friend of mine 'C' was cheating on his girlfriend once with another of my good friends 'S'. It was so difficult - but I told 'C' that he had to make a choice one or the other because he was only going to end up hurting them more so in the long run. He came clean and told his girlfriend everything and finished with 'S'. But he did not do so straight away. I told him 5 times what he had to do and he didn't and he continued to lead 'S' on. I told him I was going to tell his girlfriend everything in the end and that actually gave him the motivation to come clean. (as I knew it would).

Just follow it up in a couple of days and ask him if he did tell her. You will know if he is telling you the truth or not if he decides to lie about it. But if possible it should come from him - if not I believe it's a friends duty to step in.

Hi,
Do you want to be caught in the middle?
Sometimes the best thing to do is to let them work it out. I would not say anything.

I really do think you did the right thing. The question is, will this guy actually be honest with her? That is not your concern. You gave him that chance to be honest and it is up to him to come clean. You did the right thing.

Joe

Question #1 - ARE THEY EXCLUSIVE?? WHAT IS THEIR AGREEMENT?? Do they have one?

#2 How long have they been going out?

I would tell her regardles. Tell her now!! She needs to know now for a lot of reason including STDs. You need to tell her now - before she gets really hurt later.

My old saying here - and it always rings true - "Once a cheater, always a cheater"

I am sure this guy is smooth and will sell a huge line of BS!! No question

Yes, I don't think she should date him anymore since he is a cheater.

But since today is another day, if he hasn't told her yet, then you need to.

And ever after he tells her, you should tell her to (in case he gives her al altered version)

Dear, I know how hard this is for you, as you give good advice here for others. But when it comes this close to home, sometimes we don't know what to do..

You did the right thing by giving the jerk a chance, but, I would give him no more than 24 hours to come clean, and then tell her myself. The conflict about the threat of losing a friend if she does not believe you will be backed up by your current boyfriend, so I would not worry about that. There is a lot at stake here for her too, as stated below, i.e. STDs and the fact that he is a cheater - she'll get over it with your help. Good luck, and I'll be crossing my fingers for you!

Thank you everyone for your comments. Apparently, Dave did call her an hour after I spoke to him at the restaurant. My girlfriend called me on my cell phone at work today and mentioned that he explained to her why he was out with that other woman. She felt remorse that I didn't get to enjoy a romantic dinner that my boyfriend planned, but I told her I didn't care about the dinner that I was concerned about her.

She said that her boyfriend Dave apologized to her and told her that he would never do that again. Then she mentioned to me how disappointed and angry she was at him, but they've been together for 3 years and she wants to work things out with him. I had to give her some advice, so I told her that Dave needs to realize how hurt she is by this and how he needs to earned her trust back. And if she believes it won't happen again and he'll be honest and open with her, then he should get another chance. If the love is there, they should express and meet each other's needs to build trust in their relationship.

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Originally Posted by PrettynPetite1

Thank you everyone for your comments. Apparently, Dave did call her an hour after I spoke to him at the restaurant. My girlfriend called me on my cell phone at work today and mentioned that he explained to her why he was out with that other woman. She felt remorse that I didn't get to enjoy a romantic dinner that my boyfriend planned, but I told her I didn't care about the dinner that I was concerned about her.

She said that her boyfriend Dave apologized to her and told her that he would never do that again. Then she mentioned to me how disappointed and angry she was at him, but they've been together for 3 years and she wants to work things out with him. I had to give her some advice, so I told her that Dave needs to realize how hurt she is by this and how he needs to earned her trust back. And if she believes it wont happen again and he'll be honest and open with her, then he should get another chance. If the love is there, they should express and meet each other's needs to build trust in their relationship.

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Thanks so much for the compliment dear, and I really hope for your friend that he is sincere. If not, well, he'll probably be caught again, and I hope it's not by you - it's stressful. I do agree that a second chance is sometimes a good thing, but he has a lot to do to earn her trust again. Wish I had friends like you when I was your age...

Yes, I think you did the right thing. It's unfortunate that you allowed Dave to ruin your evening with your boyfriend. I know that you care for your girlfriend, but whatever's going on between her and Dave (and the "third party") is their business, not yours. You and your boyfriend have your own fish to fry and it's really not fair to him if you're going to allow your friends' personal lives to interfere in your own relationship. People are admonished to "mind their own business" for a reason and it's advice that you'd be wise to heed.

Yes, you did the perfect thing girl. I went through that situation not so long ago. And I noticed I did the right thing when I told my friend hey girlfriend well I was going to tell you abou tit but he said he was going to call you. She said o yea he did call me good thing you didn't too much about it would have made you look like a spy. I smiled and said yea good thing I didn't. When on the other hands there are friends that say WELL YOUR SUPPOSE TO BE MY Best friend and stuff yea girlfights stay away from them.. bye

He is the best answer yet. If you tell her she may believe you but, he can always lie; if that happens your relationship with her may never be the same.. Trust me on this

If he has not told her then you should condoms don't protect against all STDs and do you want to explain to her that you knew he was cheating when she has cancer cells on her cervix.
Give him a day and then go in snatch her up and tell her, she will need you to cry with and hug and be a support system, but the main thing is this is not his first time. Even if he hasn't had numerous women, if the girl was all over him as you stated, then more than likely they have been in the sack before.