Ask Me Help Desk - Dirty texts

My boyfriend asked for dirty texts, I try my best but I just don't know what to say. He tries to start me off, but then after I send one or two, he usually makes so comment about it not working or not getting going or too slow. I feel so bad because he helps me out so much and yet I can't help him with a few texts, what's he after?

Ever tried actually having sex?

Oh, EXCUSE me?

HE wants you to do something, then gets upset when you're not doing it the right way for HIM?

Tell him that YOU want jewelry, but then find something wrong with every piece he buys you, imo.

Your boyfriend sounds like a self-centered jerk, to me.

Well you shouldn't do things you don't want to

But I'm not sure you don't want to, you just might not be comfortable yet with what to say. The shy guy might not know what to say to the cute girl... that doesn't mean he doesn't want to approach her.

A guys imagination runs wild. The good news is if you give him a little, he should be able to fill in the voids.

A girl I dated used to tease me with talk like this and usually slow and deliberate is just fine. If he wants it to be faster... well, OK. My partner would like it slower so her imagination could relish the moment... not sure its wrong for him to ask for a tempo that meets his imagination.

Two angles... you can work your way around his body or work your way around yours. Personally, I've always been a fan of the woman talking about herself.

Talk about what you are wearing.. describe the sexy details, or make them up if needed.

Undress yourself verbally, describing how it feels. Hell... if you can, actually do it. Slowly undress yourself verbally and actually and see if you can get a rise out of it.

Take your time. Talk about your skin. Your fingers. Your lips. Blah blah blah.

When you have yourself half undressed start talking about imagining him touching you. If you are really innovative, this is where you tell him what you'd actually LIKE him to do to you sexually... he will be listening.

A partner once described a long, naked, sensual massage in great detail... you'd better believe that stuck with me and I tried to make it happen just as shed described.

I don't know. His wanting it rushed could be you are taking a long time or could be his wanting it to build quickly. I personally prefer the slow buildup if its just a tease to get him bothered for later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by froggy_la

my boyfriend asked for dirty texts, i try my best but i just dont know what to say. he tries to start me off, but then after i send one or two, he usually makes so comment about it not working or not getting going or too slow. i feel so bad because he helps me out so much and yet i can't help him with a few texts, whats he after?

He wants to boast to his mates that he has got a girl and if they already know you then he wants to pretend to his mates that he is cheating on you but he is not really he is just making it look like that, or he might want to get horny and wet for you

There is no man that would get me to do something I did not feel comfortable doing. Him telling you to write dirty text messages - if you wanted to do this and felt comfortable doing it - I would not care. But you do not feel good about doing this, so why do it?

You write some and then he gets down on you for not being "creative enough" - what a jerk (to borrow Synnen's accurate word for him).

Quote:

Originally Posted by froggy_la

...i feel so bad because he helps me out so much and yet i can't help him with a few texts, whats he after?

I guess I'm on the minority side, perhaps cause I'm a guy? Don't know.

So a guy asks her to do something a little naughty, and she's a little unsure what he wants. He's frustrated he can't get things to mesh. She's frustrated cause she can't seem to help him so far.

He obviously is doing a poor job of helping her help him. He has some communication issues, or maybe he doesn't want to be a traffic cop when it comes to sex or role playing. I know, good luck and get over yourself buddy cause you need to communicate to get what you want.

But the sentence above shows a sincere affection for a man who seems to be giving to her in other ways. What "helps me out so much" means, I cannot say for certain, but I'm not willing to bash the man she seems to care about so harshly as Jerk of the Year just yet.

If this is the worst communication problem he has with her, he might be one helluva guy... with a fetish that he isn't getting fulfilled, partly cause he isn't helping her enough.

Have any of you ever been frustrated by sex gone "not right"? I sure have.

His behaviour sounds a little childish... or maybe he withdraws... or maybe he cannot communicate what he wants to hear without being embarrassed.

OK.

Welcome to most of the rest of the world who gets in their own way most of the time whether its sex or commitment or whatever.

I dated a girl early on whom I just couldn't get off orally. Period. As in she would stop me within a minute of starting cause it "tickled" too much.

Even today, when I think I have half a clue about how to go about it, I can't really say what I was doing really wrong. Well, I was doing at least one thing wrong, but not enough that it shouldve gone so poorly as it did. I think it was mental block on her side, in part. Somehow the next girl didn't giggle her arse off from it "tickling" too much.

She was frustrated. Angry. Pent up. Not necessarily mad at me... just with the situation. Was she the worst jerk ever for getting upset? no. I hated that I couldn't help her, but it wasn't the worst thing ever. We still had a healthy sex life in other areas.

So maybe that's why I'm willing to cut him some slack. She didn't come in here bawling about how badly he treats her. She just wants to satisfy him and it is a difficult subject to figure out. One persons fantasy is anothers odd, off balance, bad porn script.

Man, am I in a mood this week or what?

I guess I just didn't like the fact that she tries to do what he wants, and it's just not enough for him.

If it were a physical sexual thing, like trying to teach someone how to touch you the right way--do you say "no--you suck! Don't do it THAT way!"? Or do you say... "what I'd really like to have you do is touch me THERE like THAT"?

YES, it's a communication problem, but it's also a problem with him making her feel bad for trying. What does that communicate about how he is sexually? "one or two texts" for someone who isn't used to doing it is a start, and he should be quite a bit more patient with her.

What it sounds like to me (and this is JUST my opinion here) is that he used to have a girl that said the exact thing he wanted to hear in texts, and he's looking for this new girl to do the same thing--and she's not going to be able to, because she's not the first girl.

So basically what I'm saying is that while part of it is communication, the biggest problem I see here is that you don't put your lover down when they try to do things you want in bed. You don't say "forget it, you're not doing it right, this isn't working" when they first try it--you use patience and SHOW them what you want.

Basically, if he doesn't get his act together and stop being a jerk (and while he may be a great guy otherwise, in this he really is being a jerk) she's going to stop even trying, and then he's REALLY not going to get what he wants.

Get rid of him before he warps you. You are far too young to have this kind of sexual fetish laid on you.

Best wishes,

Oh come on, sexting can be fun, spices things up. Just humour him, whatever, it puts people in the mood. Just go into detail about what you like in the bedroom with him, fantasies etc. there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.