So Ive been working this third job for about a month and there is this fine waitress who has been flurting it up with me. On sat I come to find out she has a boyfriend of 4 years, Now I was not going to pursue this in the first place because of her age. Im 25 she is 18. In my eyes she is to young for me. My thing is she came up to me on sat. and grabed my hands and started to dance with me " im a bouncer at this new club" anyway she says with a smile " your making it so hard for me " my reply was How am I making it hard for you and she said " because I like you".. Im at a stand still because she is gorgeous and I could def see myself hanging out with her but the age thing is too much and to boot she has a BF of 4 years.. Which means she has been with him since she was 14 like lol omg. So I just feel bad for this guy who has no clue that his girl is like this. See I went threw something very similar and Im in no way going to be that guy who recked a relationship. So I told her listen I think you're a cool girl but you have to do your thing before you can even think of speaking to me on that level. She agreed.

What else should I do. I was going to kind of give her the cold shoulder this weekend but I thought that might be a bit harsh. I was going to act like I always did and do but now knowing she has a boyfriend I'm a bit reluctant to do so..

Advice

That's props to you big guy. Honestly, having the courage to decline an invitation like that is something most could not do.

Her being 18 makes it a little tough to let her down, you don't want to hurt her. I'd ask about her b/f, bring it up with her and see how she responds,OR tell her you don't feel comfortable because of the fact she has a boyfriend, actually you could use both in conjunction. I think that would make things clear.

Again, that's something dude!

Thanks. I mean I like the girl, but she needs to approach me in a different manner. LIke being single.

HAHA! That would be the first step in a successful relationship I would think, NOT having a b/f usually is a good start:)

Let us know how it turns out, I'm interested in what she would say about having a b/f??

I dated a 19 year old when I was 25... it was actually a good fit. She was fun as hell but also more grounded than a lot of 28+ years olds I knew at the time. After we broke up she dated another "older" guy... I just think she liked the change of pace from the young guys around her.

But yeah 18 just sounds young for your age, but then again, by aunt and uncle are a dozen years apart. My daughter is now 21... I wouldn't freak out if she dated a guy 7 years older now, as she's entering the "real world" and age differences begin to blur... but when she was 18, freshman in college... yeah, id probably be bothered by her dating someone so much older... though the age gap blurs a little from HS to college too.

Put on your seatbelt... we've had more than a few of the "how big of an age gap is too big" discussions. Hopefully this won't be one of those threads...

I'm guessing if she's really been in a long term relationship so young she's starting to want out of the other and is getting up the nerve to do something about it. It might be there's nothing wrong with the other relationship other than it's a known quantity and the comfort and security aren't doing it for her anymore... she knows she can experience more now and has the freedom to do it.

Annnnd... sometimes some people just like to flirt and feel a connection with another person. One woman who worked in a building I did work in was just relentless... nothing too over the top, but it was clear she loved flirting with me... the attention was nice, but there was no way it was going to happen, and I let her know that, but she seemed to enjoy the flirting no matter... and I was single, as she was, so nobody was hurt I guess. So that could be another angle... maybe she's just enjoying the attention and you seem to be someone she is attracted to.

Though I think she's more than flirting. Don't be surprised if her boyfriend suddenly becomes an ex. And don't feel bad if that happens, whether you date her or not. I'm guessing his days are numbered cause she's outgrown the relationship and if anything you might have saved him from being cheated on.

I know that's no consolation, but not all relationships are meant to last. At least this one might end with more dignity cause you laid out the right thing to do if she intends to pursue you or anyone else.

Bet you scored a hundred points being the gentle man that you are. Remember Mr. Young single and free, that if your nice to all the females, you never know who has a friend or sister.

She sounds like a world-class flirt.

I would not overthink this AT ALL... She is young and wants to have fun.

If and when she's single have some safe fun. But this is not a life partner here.

So, don't stress.

She sounds young and immature and she has a boy friend. That is just asking for trouble and drama. Leave her alone. You can tell her "thanks but no thanks"

Hey, it is OK to be friends.. tell her so.
Ask her what she thinks her BF would say or do if he catches her. Maybe she is in her flirtatious stage because her relationship is too routine for the both of them and she is looking for a way out. Just don't get caught in the middle.

Offer to be her friend and suggest to be careful with whom she flirts with in the future because it can be dangerous.

I'm proud of you, keep up the good work.

We all know it is human nature to flirt, but it is something that has to be learned and refined.. she is just starting.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

I am not concerned about the age, I am more concerned about her boyfriend and the fact that she is flirting on the side. Whatever age a person is, that is not maturity speaking.