I recently lost custody of my daughter and no one knows why. I am capable of taking care of my daughter full time. I have nothing that hinders me from taking care of her (i.e. drug issues, alcohol issues, abuse, neglect, etc.). The judge gave custody to a man who does not take care of my daughter properly and he is not her biological father, he is her psychological father. Her biological father is involved now. Her "psychological father" knew he was not her father before she was born but refuses to admit it. A DNA test was done and proves that her biological father is her real father. The judge never said that the reason he was giving custody to the "psychological father" was due to me being an unfit mother. My question is, does there have to be a reason at all if any, and if any, does it have to be due to me being unfit or can a judge just simply say "you get custody and you don't, just because'? I don't have a criminal background, I have tried committing suicide almost 2 years ago but since leaving him have no desire to do so anymore. I was never declared by DHS "a danger" to my daughter. I am currently 7 months pregnant and able to care for my children. My daughter is 9 and is very unhappy with the current situation. I have no proof of the things that the " to my daughter. I am currently 7 months pregnant and able to care for my children. My daughter is 9 and is very unhappy with the current situation. I have no proof of the things that the " does or says but from my daughter he tells her things like, I sleep around, I never took care of her, I can't help her with her homework. I am a high school graduate and have taken some college. I don't drink but maybe once a year, I don't smoke at all, don't do drugs of any kind except Robitussin (:D) and halls, maybe advil for headaches when I'm not pregnant. The "pyschological father" does or says but from my daughter he tells her things like, I sleep around, I never took care of her, I can't help her with her homework. I am a high school graduate and have taken some college. I don't drink but maybe once a year, I don't smoke at all, don't do drugs of any kind except Robitussin (:D) and halls, maybe advil for headaches when i'm not pregnant. The "18f4m" surfs porn online while my daughter is at the house. The type of porn he looks for is barely legal. I have old e-mails from an AOL account he used to have under me when we were together that shows pictures of the girls he was trying to meet. The posts of these e-mails say things like "your little girl is waiting" or "a danger" or an unfit mother AND is there anything I can do to help my little girl from the situation she is in?

Bottomline, there has to be a reason you were proven an unfit parent. You need to read your court judgement with a fine tooth comb and see if you can come up with anything.

I know you don't want to hear this... but if you are going to get anywhere close to getting your child back you need to. You need an attorney. Many offer free consultations. Set appts and talk to them. Not all attorneys ask for all the money up front. The attorney I had for my child support and visitation asked for a retainer then I made payments. So when you talk to attorneys ask about payment. Your other choice to to apply for legal aide, if approved (based on income), you would be provided with an attorney for free.

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Originally Posted by ElizabethSe

I recently lost custody of my daughter and no one knows why. I am capable of taking care of my daughter full time. I have nothing that hinders me from taking care of her (i.e. drug issues, alcohol issues, abuse, neglect, etc.). The judge gave custody to a man who does not take care of my daughter properly and he is not her biological father, he is her psychological father. Her biological father is involved now. Her "psychological father" knew he was not her father before she was born but refuses to admit it. A DNA test was done and proves that her biological father is her real father. The judge never said that the reason he was giving custody to the "psychological father" was due to me being an unfit mother. My question is, does there have to be a reason at all if any, and if any, does it have to be due to me being unfit or can a judge just simply say "you get custody and you don't, just because'? I don't have a criminal background, I have tried committing suicide almost 2 years ago but since leaving him have no desire to do so anymore. I was never declared by DHS "a danger" to my daughter. I am currently 7 months pregnant and able to care for my children. My daughter is 9 and is very unhappy with the current situation. I have no proof of the things that the "psychological father" does or says but from my daughter he tells her things like, I sleep around, I never took care of her, I can't help her with her homework. I am a high school graduate and have taken some college. I don't drink but maybe once a year, I don't smoke at all, don't do drugs of any kind except Robitussin (:D) and halls, maybe advil for headaches when i'm not pregnant. The "pyschological father" surfs porn online while my daughter is at the house. The type of porn he looks for is barely legal. I have old e-mails from an AOL account he used to have under me when we were together that shows pictures of the girls he was trying to meet. The posts of these e-mails say things like "18f4m" or "your little girl is waiting". I just recently found out that my daughter is now moving into his room because she is afraid of the dark and being alone and since she cannot be here with me full time she doesn't want to be by herself. He (psychological father) does not encourage her in any way to not be afraid of the dark so that she is able to be in her own room, his solution is to move her into his room, in his bed. Some of these things were brought up in court but never investigated. I lived with this man for 8 years and he is very predictable and peculiar but i'm not sure what else may be going on and no one wants to listen to me because he tells them that i'm crazy and everyone believes him. Is there nothing I can do. I had seen in earlier posts that someone mentioned that they could not afford a lawyer. My situation is somewhat like that but don't think for a minute that because I can't give $3000 to a lawyer that I cannot afford to take care of my daughter. I take care of my daughter on a daily basis not on a lump sum. Lawyers want it all up front not in payments. So to my original question, How do I find out why the judge did not give me custody when I was never found to be "a danger" or an unfit mother AND is there anything I can do to help my little girl from the situation she is in?

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If you can prove your allegations go to Child Protective Services - I would think your suicide attempt 2 years ago is a factor in your losing custody.

I'm sure my suicide attempt in some way was a factor but the judge did not put it in the order that we all received and the only other document that would tell me the reason why I lost is the Custody Evaluators notes which I am not allowed to have a copy of and is not public record. My old lawyer has it but since he is no longer my lawyer I'm unable to read it again. I did read it and saw no explanation only recommendations. The custody evaluator did ask me if I got custody would I keep my daughter in a catholic school regardless of money and I said no. My daughter can be religious and still go to a public school. I am not religious and if that is why they did not give her to me then didn't they violate my 1st Amendment Right? Problem is that is hard to prove and they can lie.

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Originally Posted by ElizabethSe

I'm sure my suicide attempt in some way was a factor but the judge did not put it in the order that we all received and the only other document that would tell me the reason why I lost is the Custody Evaluators notes which I am not allowed to have a copy of and is not public record. My old lawyer has it but since he is no longer my lawyer I'm unable to read it again. I did read it and saw no explanation only recommendations. The custody evaluator did ask me if I got custody would I keep my daughter in a catholic school regardless of money and I said no. My daughter can be religious and still go to a public school. I am not religious and if that is why they did not give her to me then didn't they violate my 1st Amendment Right?! Problem is that is hard to prove and they can lie.

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The reasons for the decision are never in the Order - your Attorney does have to provide with copies of your papers so I would ask for them.

If the custody evaluator believes that not changing schools is in your daughter's best interest right now, yes, they can "require" that she stay where she is. Interestingly, I have seen this go in the other direction - the parent wants the child out of a religious school and into a public school and the Court has said no.

Does the Order indicate that custody can be/will be reheard in a certain period or is it open ended?

The thing here is that the judge is supposed to base his decision on what's in the best interests of the child. But I do find it surprising that a judge will take a child away from a stable mother.

I also don't quite unserstand what you mean by psycholgical father. Is tis man on the birth ceritificate? Did you live with him for enough timefor him to establish a parental relationship? How old is your daughter and what did she tell the judge about who she wants to with?

I have to feel there is more to this story. But Macksmom is correct. I'll bet the parent that got custody was represented by counsel. An attorney that knows the ins and outs and knows what to say to the judge. So if you want any chance of getting your daughter back you NEED your own representation.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

The reasons for the decision are never in the Order - your Attorney does have to provide with copies of your papers so I would ask for them.

If the custody evaluator believes that not changing schools is in your daughter's best interest right now, yes, they can "require" that she stay where she is. Interestingly, I have seen this go in the other direction - the parent wants the child out of a religious school and into a public school and the Court has said no.

Does the Order indicate that custody can be/will be reheard in a certain period of time or is it open ended?

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The order does not indicate that it will or can be reheard but I do know that I can petition th court for anything I believe to be important, it's just a matter of proof I don't have. I am unable to get any paperwork in regards to the Custody Evaluator, I was told that information is not public and I am not allowed to have a copy only look at it and read it. The other paperworl my lawyer has that is public I can get all day long. I have read it and found nothing that helps. My lawyer has given me all the necessary paperwork he is allowed which is everything but the Custody Evaluators paper he submitted 2 weeks before our Conference court date (which I understood was a trial date but was not).

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

The thing here is that the judge is supposed to base his decision on what's in the best interests of the child. But I do find it suprising that a judge will take a child away from a stable mother.

I also don't quite unserstand what you mean by psycholgical father. is tis man on the birth ceritificate? Did you live with him for enough timefor him to establish a parental relationship? How old is your daughter and what did she tell the judge about who she wants to with?

I have to feel there is more to this story. But Macksmom is correct. I'll bet the parent that got custody was represented by counsel. An attorney that knows the ins and outs and knows what to say to the judge. So if you want any chance of getting your daughter back you NEED your own representation.

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There is a lot to my story but no one wanted to hear it (including the judge). Anyway here is more but short and sweet. I lived with "Psycho dad" for 8 years (yes I know), he put himself on the birth cert at the hospital in the hall while I was being sewn up from tearing in my bed. My lawyer says it's legal because a hospital person witnessed and him and I do not need to be in the same room. I did not know he did this because he knew he was not her father. I did not know she had his last name until I recvd her SS card to get state assistance. On my state assistance papers I put her real father down who is different from the man I was living with. Adult and family services investigated me for fraud because her name was different than that of the real father. They would not do a paternity test on the "Psycho dad" and I could not get an attorney at the time nor could I find the bio dad because he is an illegal and I had no information on him except his name. This is my fault because I had no where to live at the time so living with this man mean't that my daughter would not be on the street. I had jobs and things like that but was 20 and dumb, very dumb and very trusting. My daughter is 9 years old today and the judge will not let her speak. I understand that he has been in her life regardless of whether I was using him for stabiliy or not, so he has rights. I just feel like I was never heard or had a chance to be heard. When we had our first court date, the judge on the case was retiring so we got a stand-in and the stand-in judge said he would not acept the DNA test I got legally with myself, my daughter and her bio father because I did not include the "Psycho father". I explained that he refuses to participate. The second time we had court, niether of us had lawyers and we were supposed to complete Kids Turn classes. Niether of us had at the time. The 3rd time we had court, we both had lawyers and I had completed my 4 week Kids Turn class and niether fathers had started theirs. I had my cert. The judge gave them more time and a shorter class, 1 day for 4 hours. They did not complete for 2 more months after that. By our last court date almost a year had gone by and that's when the judge gave "psycho dad" custody. That morning I found out from my lawyer that it was a conference court date not trial and that the judge would be "RUBBER STAMPING" what the custody evaluator had to say in his report. I was not allowed to fight anymore or anything. The only thing we were allowed to state that day was how much we made at our jobs so the judge could determine child support. I made at the time $8.40/hr, bio dad made $10.50/hr and is married and wife works and they have 1 child, and "psycho dad" makes $24.63 and me and bio dad have to both pay $200 a month for child support. That is all the last court date was.

I don't understand this part: "I just feel like I was never heard or had a chance to be heard. When we had our first court date, the judge on the case was retiring so we got a stand-in and the stand-in judge said he would not accept the DNA test I got legally with myself, my daughter and her bio father because I did not include the "Psycho father".

You got a DNA test and it proved paternity but the Judge didn't accept it because the "other father" wasn't tested? Makes no sense. They stop testing when paternity is established.

I would also suggest that you stop referring to him as "Psycho father" because, whether he is or not, it will not sit well with the Court.

In many states, the person who signs the birth certificate voluntarily is legally the father unless the real father challenges it. My suspicion here is that you waited too long to challenge the because and it got to the point where biological paternity no longer mattered. The guy on the because is the legal father according to the law and the judges have no choice but to uphold that.

So I would stop dealing with the issue that he isn't the bio dad. He is most likely the legal dad and always will be. So what it now boils down to is what is in the best interests of the child as to who she should live with. All your efforts should be directed on showing that it would be in her best interests to live with you.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I don't understand this part: "I just feel like I was never heard or had a chance to be heard. When we had our first court date, the judge on the case was retiring so we got a stand-in and the stand-in judge said he would not accept the DNA test I got legally with myself, my daughter and her bio father because I did not include the "Psycho father".

You got a DNA test and it proved paternity but the Judge didn't accept it because the "other father" wasn't tested? Makes no sense. They stop testing when paternity is established.

I would also suggest that you stop referring to him as "Psycho father" because, whether he is or not, it will not sit well with the Court.

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I understand what you're saying about referring to him as that but that's what they refer to him as. I just shortened it on BOTH. Psycho and bio. Unfortuantely if someone else interprets it as an insult that is not my fault. In court of course I am educated and I have never referred to him as a psycho if that is what you mean. He is considered the "psychological" father. I'm just not going to type that entire word every time. Not that I need to explain myself but there you go!

And no to answer your question, when I submitted the DNA test the Stand-in judge said he would NOT ACCEPT it into evidence, however the final judge that will always be on our case has. I'm just as confused on that part as you.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

In many states, the person who signs the birth certificate voluntarily is legally the father unless the real father challenges it. My suspicion here is that you waited too long to challenge the b/c and it got to the point where biological paternity no longer mattered. The guy on the b/c is the legal father according to the law and the judges have no choice but to uphold that.

So I would stop dealing with the issue that he isn't the bio dad. He is most likely the legal dad and always will be. So what it now boils down to is what is in the best interests of the child as to who she should live with. All your efforts should be directed on showing that it would be in her best interests to live with you.

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You're actually wrong on the first part here. The judge has given the BIO dad rights. He is involved and that is why they are calling them "PSYCHOLOGICAL FATHER" and "BIOLOGICAL FATHER". The real father did challenge it and he is involved. He never knew he had a daughter by me. We had one night together, I found out I was pregnant 5 months after we were together and by that time I had no contact at all with him whatsoever. BUT the "PSYCHOLOGICAL" father knew where her "BIOLOGICAL" father was because his sister is married to my daughters real fathers brother. He knew the whole time how to get a hold of her real father and everything. I just found him a year ago and told him that we have a daughter together, he didn't believe me so we went to the American Red Cross and got a DNA test not blood test and it says he is her father. Like I said before I understand that because he is on the birth cert he has certain rights. My question was never about why does he get any rights, my question was if the court has to have a reason as to why I do not get custody when I'm not unfit and have not been proven to be unfit, what the hell is that reason because it was never told to me, verbally or written. And I still understand that it is not going to be in the order!

To answer the second part, I am concentrating on why she should live with me and not him but things like that take time. I have to document everything which I am. Each time he withholds phone calls that have been designated and visitation that is also designated I am writing it all down. Saving voicemail messages that he leaves. I know how the game is played and have been playing it for 2 yrs now. My original question was simply how do I find out the reason why I did not get custody.