Hi, I have been in a know this guys for almost 4 years. We dated for 2 and a half years. And yes we started dating in high school, everything was great, we were very close, very good friends, and we both 'knew' that we had something special. We both admit that we went a little too fast for a little while, and decided that we needed to take a little step back, and not make too many promises. Also he was a year older than I, so we talked about college, and after a while he told me that he couldn't live four years with out me. We decided on a school together, He went there his first year, and decided the program isn't what he thought, which I supported. He decided to move from Minnesota and go to a school in Massachusetts. I also supported that, because I love and care about him, and knew that's what he wanted. So we did the long distance thing the first year he went to college, which went very well, I got to see him about once a month. This school year he moved to MA. Before he moved we decide to buy a plane ticket for me to spend christmas break with him. We were both very committed and we both told each other that we would get through this year. The first four months went well. He even bought me a plane ticket to go see him. A few weeks before I was going to see him, he started changing, and we started fighting a lot. I went to see him and we talked about our relationship. I asked him how he thought is was.. and he said BAD. In conclusion, we broke up, or really decided to take a break and when we were to see each other during the THREE weeks we had planned to spend together, we would decide if we wanted to be together. We both talked about the things we needed to change for us to work.
He has changed so much, and I don't understand why. He told me that he still loves me and that no matter what he wants to be best friends. It has been about a month and a half, and it's been hell, at least for me. We talk a lot about what we feel and I've gotten two different responses from him. Basically, he does't know what he wants, he is scared because he is learning how hard it is to live on his own, he doesn't know if he wants me to be 'that' part of his life, he doesn't know if he wants a girlfriend at all. I am emotional, so sometimes I feel like talking to him, and I end up telling him how much I hurt, etc. but then he gets annoyed, so I guess I need to work on keeping that to myself, because guys don't want to here about feelings. Which brings me to my next point. He doesn't like sharing his feelings, and he calls me less. We used to talk at least once a day. I just don't understand how much he's changed.
I got strong for a while, and didn't call him, and then talked to him when he called, and kept all of my feelings in. We started joking and having fun. He started to call me more, and then one night he sent me an email that said how much he loved me, and how I will always be in his heart, and how important I am to him. After that he changed again, that brings us to now. I sent him a long letter about my feelings, and sent him the promise ring he gave me. I don't know if that was stupid, but I know it means a lot to him, because he still wanted me to wear it, after our break up. I know he was shocked and hurt, and he said he wanted to talk about it, but not right away, because he didn't want to say something he would regret. It has been 6 days, and we still haven't talked about it. Mostly because he is too busy. He has been spending a lot of time with another girl. He spend the last two weekends with her, but told me they weren't dating. It sucks to think about them, but there is nothing else for me to do. I have been fighting so hard, and it seems like he isn't.
SORRY THIS IS SO LONG! :) I appreciate anyone who reads it, and that can give me some helpful advise.
I want to stop calling, emailing, and texting him, but I feel that if I do that I am giving up, and I will loose him. I pray every night for him to 'come back to me' because he made me so happy, and I want to spend my life with him. So many people have told me to move on, because I shouldn't ever be with someone that is treating me like this now. He disappoints me, because I would have never expected this from him, and I have been hurting so so much because I don't understand him. Should I talk to him and tell him how much I love him, or ignore him and see if it's meant to be? The hardest thing will be to do the second, because I think that is what you will tell me, I just don't want to "give up" and loose him.
THANKS :)

Just curious as to what your doing with your own life, while he is in school searching for his?

I'm going to school, majoring in art, which I love and it is the thing that makes me happy. Tell me what you think about this...
One thing we talked about was doing things for ourselves that make us happy, he has his hobby of climbing, and I have mine, which is art, and finishing school. He said that once I start doing my thing, it will make us closer, which I understand, but I am and he hasn't responded.
Also, I think that we separated because we are in two different places. He will be graduating this spring, and he will need to find his first job. He doesn't know where that is, and he knows that I will be at school for the next four years. I have read all of these 'it takes time' gigs, but I truly believe that I want to be with him. I believe that once we both find out where or who we are, we will be happier than ever together.
I read your first insight link from above, and it seems to go against my thoughts. What do you think, what can I do to let each of us keep finding ourselves, but still stay close to him? My heart is aching, you maybe I could get over it, but seriously the relationship we had was amazing, and I truly want to start that over again with him, because he makes me happy, even though he's not now.
Also he tells me that he's been spending a lot of time with one of his friends, and it's a girl. What should I think about that, I know he doesn't want to be in a any relationship, should I believe him?
If you remember from my first post, I said I had a plane ticket to see him over christmas. When we broke up he told me he still wanted to see me no matter what, because he wanted to e friends. But then he told me that he didn't want me to come for a few days, because it would make things worse or something like that. I want to go, and if things do get worse, then at least we tried, if I don't go I will regret it so much.
I'de love you advice, take care!

Please invest more into you, and what you want from life, and less of what he wants, as you are both at the age of exploring, and experimenting as you grow, and realise what you are about, and what you will do with your life. There will be many changes from you both as you come to your potentials, and start making decisions for yourselves. Stay with facts, not fantasy or emotions, as you follow your own path. I think young people should enjoy this time in their lives, and focus on themselves, and what they want, and learn to be happy, and love themselves, before they make lifetime commitments to others. As to this holiday upcoming plan, enjoy it, but don't have unrealistic expectations, and see it for what it is, two friends getting together, and make no rash decisions or judgements, since you are not together in that way but on break. If he is balking about your visit, then call it off, and make your own plans without him. Not to be harsh but he has to feel as you do, or it can never work, for now anyway.

You two are still young. This is the age to explore and find out who you are. He is alreay doing that. You will have your chance when you go to college. Move on, if he wants to be with you, he will come back, if you are available, GREAT. If not then oh well, his turn to wait, while you live your life. I understand how you feel. It's hard moving on from your first love, especially when you weren't expecting to, but you'll be better for it. Good Luck

I am exploring, and I am at college, trust me I will be doing that for the next couple of years. I know we are young, and he's not my 'first love'. That guy broke my heart, and I felt awful then, but now with this one it is totally different. It's not even compairable. I thought it was bad and I cried a lot before for other relationships.. but seriously why am I feeling so much pain for this one? I just would have never imagined it, it still doesn't feel real. As I am living my life here, I don't want to grow apart from him. He is my best friend, and he told me that as well, but now he isn't acting like it. I don't want to loose him. Throughout our exploring and growing as an individual.

See... people CHANGE. It just happens, and one of the biggest times of change is between 18 and 25. You can't help the changing.. it just HAPPENS, as you grow and mature, and figure out who the heck you are.

Personally... the whole LDR thing in college never seems to work out. Just let that whole relationship go for now, and focus on YOU. You think you are, but you're not. You're focusing on an "us" that isn't there anymore. He changed, and you weren't there to change with him, and that's put a strain on your relationship.

I know of very few friendships that can maintain a good level of closeness when you're far apart for an extended period, much less romantic relationships. It just never seems to work.

Focus on your schoolwork, focus on your friends, focus on doing things that are fun for you. IF it's meant to be, YOU won't be doing all the work--he'll meet you half way. But for right now, you're clinging on to him, and he's pulling away from you because of that, because no one wants someone else completely dependent on them. Give him his space, let him do whatever--no matter what you do at this point, there's no way you'll have the same relationship you used to. Both of you have changed too much for that.

I know people CHANGE. I honestly never saw us being like this. I respect the fact that I am going to have to deal with us being apart right now. But in the mean time, how can I get him to talk to me with out pushing him away? I would love for him to come to me to talk, because it's been 7 weeks since we broke up, and I have had to ask him how he is feeling. I know I shouldn't but I do because I don't understand how he's has changed too much. Should I try the NC thing for a while, even though I feel like it will pull us further away?

How come he never calls me anymore, I wouldn't have ever imagined us to end up like this.
He keeps telling me that he will call me soon and we can 'talk' a bunch then. But he says that every time. So basically we haven't talked yet. I told him that if he really cared he would make time to talk to me. And he replied.. Ya I know.
ANYONE>>> will he ever call me? He is always gone, and he is has been spending a lot of time with another girl. Which sucks, and tells me something, but even if he was seeng another girl, I know it is too soon, it's like he's just trying to replace me, because he is still trying to keep me wrapped around his finger or something.
It's been so hard for me. Is there anything I can do to get him to call me to talk once?

He is in the process of moving on because his feelings have changed. You said yourself, if he really cared he would make time to call, and he hasn't. It will take time and a lot of work on your part, to accept this is over and you must move on. Sorry for your loss, but its not the end of the world, it's the beginning of the rest of your life. We have all been there.

Yes.. absolutely.

Now what do I do because he is changing yet again. We talked a lot tonight, and he is sending mixed messages. He said he is sorry for 'blowing me off' We talked a lot about our relationship, and it seems so grey to me. I want it to be black and white. It should be, especially if he is also investing time into another girl. He and I know that we aren't just friends, ad we never will be. We both say that we want to be friends, but I don't think I would be happy as just friends.
Also, because he does have feelings for someone else currently, I don't think I could take him back.. even though I feel like I want him in my life forever.
He told me that he wants me in his life for ever as well.. And it is just grey for me. I can not be like this, it isn't fair for me, him, or the other girl that may be involved.

The first thing he said was that he was sorry for the mistakes that we made, (mostly because we moved fast), and he said something to the point that he doesn't think there is anything we can do to fix things. He definitely is sending mixed feelings. What do I do,
I want to forget everything, but I don't want to loose him, because I do want him in my life, and I feel that if he doesn't feel that way soon (and I know there is nothing I can to to make him feel that way).. That I am going to have to decide to drop everything, and give him up for forever... even though I don't want that.

He is not confused, he is being evasive, trying to keep you close, but he is distracted. That's why the mixed signals.

What do you do?

You start No Contact and move on.

He's NOT going to commit to you. He's NOT going to stop having feelings for another girl. And YOU are not going to be able to be "just friends" with him anytime soon.

So... break it off completely, admit it's over, and work on yourself in the meantime.

Just out of curiosity, how did this end.. it's been over 3 years. I hope you're at a fantastic place now.