My ex-wife, who left me over 2 months ago is a recovering addict. It was very difficult for the first little while. Although things are getting a little better she still only sees our 2 children, one of which is disabled, once per week.

I often find myself thinking I could have done something in the past. I love my children but it is sometimes difficult to always have to take care of the kids, the house, laundry, cleaning, work... I wonder if there is such thing as HOPE. I do my best with everything I have been given, but I sometimes cry because it is hard. The nights are lonely, and believe it or not I miss my wife. Although she was an addict for 6 years, we were together for 17 of those, and we had some wonderful times. I kept hoping that one day she would get better, but I lost the girl I once knew, and I don't think I will ever get the original wonderful woman I once loved.

Hope is something I hung on to for many years, and now I am hoping again, but for everything to be OK with the kids and myself.

Where can I find hope, when there is so little left inside me. Where is the light at the end of this long tunnel... I HOPE there is something out there.

You can find hope in your kids. Hope that she will get better.
There is light at the end, if you try to work through it.

Lerouxma, do not despair. You, your children and your well being are all you should concentrate on now. In time, your life will get better. Time heals all things. Believe it. Try to find some good thing for yourself every day, just plan some little thing to look forward to.
Is there respite care available for your handicapped child to give you a break?
There is in California in some cases. Maybe you haven't looked into that? I have a handicapped grandson, he has spina bifida. When younger he required a lot more care.
So we have dealt with that aspect of life ourselves. It seems there will be no end, but somehow we muddle through. I hope you are not too proud to ask for help. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks Cerisa for the words.

I am starting to get respite soon. You are correct though, I wanted to prove that I could do it on my own... Just a little too proud

Good for you. Caring for any child alone is hard, let alone one with special needs.
Please take the time you have through respite to take care of yourself. Your children need you, so do not burn out with too much work and worry. I hope you feel stronger soon.

There is hope. Just the other week I was feeling really down and depressed about my situation... then I opened the mail. There was an envelope from St.Jude's Children's Hospital. Inside was a thin metal ornament that said "hope." I almost started to cry, thinking how much better off I am than those children in the hospital. I hung the ornament up at my desk and look at it often. It's a visual reminder that there is hope for us all. I know it sounds corny, but having the visual reminder truly does help me think more positively and get through the day. I too went through loving an addict. It's hard, but there is hope. Good luck.

I raised my four kids on my own cause their addict dad couldn't be bothered with them and nobody would help me with them. In fact everybody made it more unbearable cause my one son was violent and had emotional problems since he was little. I had to restrain him entire days sometimes so that he didn't try to kill other kids.
The only hope I had was looking forward to THEIR future.
Now my other son and two daughters are in the military. My one daughter is pregnant and I can't wait to be grandma. My son with the temper lives with me and still sometimes loses his temper somewhat. He wanted to join the military too but he was born blind in one eye.
I am still looking for MY OWN hope and working on putting the bits and pieces together to have something to look forward to. In the meantime all you can do is appreciate each day and get done what you can.

Yes there is hope-it is no coincidence that you wrote your post here-look at others that have replied, their situations reflect some of your situation.

Some people go to church, some contact friends (and tell them they need help), others seek solace by positive thinking and affirmations.

I'm a buddhist, it has helped me see things from a different perspective-who knows it may help you?

I can send you a link to a buddhist forum if you pm me.

What are the parts you don't like?

Those are the only parts I know so I can't say what I don't like only what I know...
The ying/yang is great!:D ---even gives me hope!!

Yin/yang? Wrong religion.

Read this: It's all about Buddhism

http://www.buddhist-elibrary.org/lib....php?aipath=28

Or this one for details on buddhist basics:
http://www.buddhist-elibrary.org/lib...php?aipath=112

Oh I studied a little bit of all kinds of religions about 30 years ago but I must have gotten them confused over the years...
Some of the Karma and the eightfold path... and the yin/yang of the 'other religion'

At least I didn't say Confucious says and think it was Buddha.:D

Hope is so hard to see when obstacles are in the way. I think by having positive actions, and repeat what has been successful, we always will see hope instead of the things in the way of our happiness. Sometimes all we have to do is reach out, and ask.