Hi. I need help here. I do not have the money to hire an attorney to fight for modification of child custody and visitation... but I am willing to do any "legwork" that I need to do to see my 12 year old son more often. His mom and I were divorced about 6 years ago. At that time, I was working retail... and my hours were crazy... so she was awarded primary physical custody and we both have joint legal custody. For whatever reason, she believes that her being awarded primary physical custody entitles her to have all the say in when and where I can see my son. I have paid her child support from DAY ONE. I pay for my child's medical, dental, and vision insurance. For the past seven years... I have been the one to go pick up my son AND take him home EVERY TIME I see him. I know am re-married and live an hour away. I have continued to drive BOTH ways to pick up and take him home. I have recently asked her to start meeting me half way or for me to pick up from her home... and then she pick him up from mine. She refuses. I currently only get him every other weekend and on SOME school holidays. I have requested additional days on teacher workdays... and have requested to get him an extra week-end per month (since my son wants to stay in his current school). Again, she refuses to talk to me about it. She sends messages to me through my son and hangs up on me every time I try to call. This week-end... it appears everything is "coming to a head" because I went to get him on Friday night... and I called to let her know that she would need to come pick him up at specified time of 6 pm at my house. She refuses to come get him. My thought is this... and tell me if I am wrong... if she is the one who has primary physical custody... and she does not show up to pick him up... is that considered abandonment? What do you guys suggest? I am at wit's end. Ultimately what I want is to see my son more... and for both his mom and I to have a fair deal. I'm all ears...

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Originally Posted by DadInVisitationDispute

Hi. I need help here. I do not have the money to hire an attorney to fight for modification of child custody and visitation....but I am willing to do any "legwork" that I need to do to see my 12 year old son more often. His mom and I were divorced about 6 years ago. At that time, I was working retail...and my hours were crazy....so she was awarded primary physical custody and we both have joint legal custody. For whatever reason, she believes that her being awarded primary physical custody entitles her to have all the say in when and where I can see my son. I have paid her child support from DAY ONE. I pay for my child's medical, dental, and vision insurance. For the past seven years....I have been the one to go pick up my son AND take him home EVERY TIME I see him. I know am re-married and live an hour away. I have continued to drive BOTH ways to pick up and take him home. I have recently asked her to start meeting me half way or for me to pick up from her home...and then she pick him up from mine. She refuses. I currently only get him every other weekend and on SOME school holidays. I have requested additional days on teacher workdays...and have requested to get him an extra week-end per month (since my son wants to stay in his current school). Again, she refuses to talk to me about it. She sends messages to me through my son and hangs up on me every time I try to call. This week-end...it appears everything is "coming to a head" because I went to get him on Friday night....and I called to let her know that she would need to come pick him up at specified time of 6 pm at my house. She refuses to come get him. My thought is this...and tell me if I am wrong....if she is the one who has primary physical custody....and she does not show up to pick him up....is that considered abandonment? What do you guys suggest? I am at wit's end. Ultimately what I want is to see my son more....and for both his mom and I to have a fair deal. I'm all ears........

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There are other threads about abandonment which will be very helpful to you but, no, this is not abandonment. I don't know what State you are in but in many States you can easily file in Family Court yourself, no need for an Attorney. Was the Friday night episode your ordered visitation or the extra visitation you would like?

I am in NC. I have checked in the county in which my new wife and I now live... and it would be relatively easy to file for child visitation modification. HOWEVER... I am now told that I must file in the original county (Lee County)... which has no "self-help" process and everyone I have spoken to there suggests that I get an attorney. This is SO frustruating! All I want to do is see my son more. I am not looking to reduce child support... or change medical coverage responsibility. I would just like to be a larger part of my child's life. Is that so bad??

Before you go into modifying your visitation what does it say now? You need to read the court order and determine what it says. It might be vague about who does what or it might be specific.

But there is really no legwork you can do. UNless you want to paint your ex ans an unfit parent to change custody, all you can really do is try to show that you want to spend more time with your kid.