My husband and I were recently married. I have known my husband all my life but we were just now fortunate enough to find one another in a very special love. We have a problem though, My husband has two grown wonderful children and he has a 17 year old son who has given us a great deal of problems. He lies constantly about everything, he lies to his mom about us and to us about his mom. He steals, skips school, drinks and we are sure he is involved in drugs to some extent. He recently got mad at his father and I since we wouldn't lie to the school and tell them he was working (he's in work study program and taking GED classes in his Sr. yr or he won't graduate) when he wasn't. He through a screaming fit. He left and went to his mother's and hasn't called since. We have tried to call him a few times but no answer. We know he's okay since we keep up with his school work (which is poor, always late, tardy or unexcused absences) Recently my sister in law has begin to demand we contact our son, we make amends, we say we are sorry etc. We don't feel like that is how we should handle this.
We were on shaky grounds with him prior to the school incident as we caught him breaking into the house and stealing and breaking into the garage and stealing gas etc. He wouldn't come home or answer his phone for days at a time and we had taken his vehicle away. His mother spoils him rotten and gives him whatever he wants. When we talked to her recently about his poor attendance at school and being late her answer was "He can't get up at 7am when he doesn't go to bed until 3-4am, he's a growing boy and he needs his sleep" Yea, if your shaking your head so was I. do we need to say anymore! Were dealing with craziness. All advice will be appreciated.

This is a difficult one. He sounds like me when I was his age with the late nights, drugs and trouble. The best thing my parents did for me was nothing. They let me know they were there to offer moral support, but unless I could fly straight, I was out on my own (age 16).
At age 47, I now have three kids, an education and a responsible job. Tough love may be the best answer for your situation as well. Good luck.

Thank you for your input, we feel the same way. We are there for him but we won't put up with the lying, drinking etc nor will we financially support these habits. We were feeling pretty bad since family has recently been on our case for not making more of an effort. But we feel as though he is "avoiding" us since he knows we won't over look these bad habits and poor school attendance. Although I do have to say that the family member who is on us the most has a 15 year old who has fits, calls his mom g-y, and bitc--! So I don't know if we really need all of her advice either

I agree with the first answer. Tough love is your only option at this point. At his age, he isn't going to listen to anything you have to say because he "thinks" he already knows it all. Take away all the luxuries he has that you have given to him. Ipods, cell phone, car, mp3 player, TV, dvds, video games, computer. Lock them up and change the locks on the house. Tell him if he wants to come back home, he is going to have to live by you and your husbands rules or else he is out on his own. Good luck.