Ok, my boyfriend broke up with me last night. We've been having issues regarding my past, because he dissaproves of it, and because I lied about it. He's a very jealous man, and when we started dating (a year and 3 months ago), he told me he didn't want to know anything about it. I knew there was something major about my past that he'd dislike: I had been with a mutual friend 3 years ago, when neither of us knew him. This friend and I hooked up occasionally that year, and I gave him a bj. Then years passed, and I met my now ex boyfriend. One day the three of us went out, like 4 months before we started dating. Suddenly my now ex had to go, and I was left alone with the mutual friend. I had told him like a year before that I didn't want to have "benefits" anymore, but that night he insisted and tried to kiss me, I told him I didn't want to, but he grabbed my face, he insisted and I gave in just so he'd cut it.
Last year I also hooked up with two different guys at the bar, guys I didn't know, we made out and that was it, never heard of them again. All of that before starting to date my ex.
Well, my ex and I were in a blissful relationship up until the sixth month. We share A LOT in common, and always had a laugh, even after having problems, because we mostly were fine despite the issues. Ok, in the sixth month he asked me if I had ever had something with the mutual friend, I LIED, and denied it, but he realized I was lying so I came clean. I lied repeatedly about it because he always got so mad and jealous even though I love him so deeply, but he told me I'm easy and a s**t.
Now, yesterday eh broke up with me because I made a scene. I made a scene about something totally unrelated to our big issue, but he connected both things somehow, and he said he was fed up with me. He says I'm a sl*t and all that, and that he wishes he'd never met me, etc.
I thought that was it. But today he keeps trying to reach me, at moments he's kind of like wanting to get back together, but the he gets pissed off and starts the name calling and asking for more details on the "relationship" I had with the mutual friend. He says he just can't take that I was such an easy girl, etc...
I still love him and don't know what to do! I wish we could be together without issues; I understand I shouldn't have lied repeatedly and that's something I regret but I don't see why does he ask me to justify my past if I didn't even know him then. Well, the thing is, if he wantsto get back together, what should I do? I swear all I want is to be with him because I can't see myself without him, but should I?
We have so much in common it's scary, I don't feel I'll ever find someone like this, and I feel also that because of my past and the things I did to my boyfriend (lying, scenes, etc) no other man will ever want me.
How do you get over a break up with someone who shared so much in common with you? When almost EVERYTHING you enjoy reminds you of them? Even yesterday before I made the scene we were having a blast!
This is my first boyfriend. I'm 19, he's 22. We had even talked about marriage and all that when we were a bit older.
