I don't know why I hadn't thought to ask this. Part of my discipline problem with my children I'm sure is because of my father. He asked me the other day if he could put the children on a trailer attached to a lawn mower and ride them around. I said no and he said okay and then went outside and occording to my 6 year old they had a grand ole time riding on the trailer after I had said no. Halloween night my father told my 6 year old that it didn't matter what mommy had told her to do. He covers up for them when they do something wrong and so when they do something wrong now they get that sneaky little smile on their face and run to hide behind grandpa. Its not like I can say if you don't do this bla bla I won't come over anymore since I'm having to stay with my parents for the time being. My step mom(mama to me) is trying to help me and she gets on to him about it but my father is a stubborn hard headed Irish man who refuses to see anyone's side but his. Anyone have any suggestions on dealing with stubborn fathers? Id appreciate the help.

Ah yes, breaking in the grandparents...

If you have brothers and sisters usually the first one to have kids has the dubious honor of 'breaking in' the new grandparents. In my view that means gently and constantly reminding them that you are raising these kids and that your views are the ones you'd like to see followed. I was lucky in that a brother and a sister both had kids before me (thanks guys!) so my parents were cool on the whole thing, but my in-laws well that's a different story. I have no qualms about possibly hurting someone's feelings when it comes to raising and disciplining my kids. "Gee grandma, I'd rather not <childname> have a hug bowl of Froot Loops in the morning, that's not the kind of breakfasts I'd want her to view as normal, maybe some cheerios and a banana instead?"

Grandparents think they can get away with anything and that's not the case. No one can take advantage of you without your permission. If they want to see the kids they'll have to follow *most* :) of your rules. It's not extortion, hell they probably did the same to their own parents.

I suggest a combination of two things:

1. A little patience on your part, as grandparents get to have a little lee-way,
And
2. A heart to heart with your dad about the potentially harmful effects on the kids getting a mixed message.

Hi,
You are living with your Dad? That kind of limits staying away for awhile!
I agree with the other answer of having a "heart to heart" talk with him, and trying to point out that children getting "mixed messages" from both you and him, are not good.
If that doesn't work, then that's about all you can do. Maybe, eventually, you will have a place of your own, then you can be the authority. And, go see Grandpa, or not, when you like.
It's tough living with parents with children, especially when they "over-ride" your decisions. For the time being, I would be thankful that I am blessed with a place to live. But, talk with your Dad... who knows, he might just listen!

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Originally Posted by crankiebabie

I dnt know why I hadnt thought to ask this. Part of my discipline problem with my children im sure is because of my father. He asked me the other day if he could put the children on a trailer attached to a lawn mower and ride them around. I said no and he said okay and then went outside and occording to my 6 year old they had a grand ole time riding on the trailer after i had said no. Halloween night my father told my 6 year old that it didnt matter what mommy had told her to do. He covers up for them when they do something wrong and so when they do something wrong now they get that sneaky little smile on their face and run to hide behind grandpa. Its not like i can say if you dont do this bla bla i wont come over anymore since im having to stay with my parents for the time being. My step mom(mama to me) is trying to help me and she gets on to him about it but my father is a stubborn hard headed Irish man who refuses to see anyones side but his. Anyone have any suggestions on dealing with stubborn fathers? Id appreciate the help.

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Hi Crankie- I know that mom's and dad's can tend to be a pain in the butt when it comes to our kids and if it seems like they are just ignoring us and spoiling our kids rotten it's because they are! I fought that one for a while with my dad. He was a stubborn old goat that wanted to give my daughter the world. With him there were no rules, or very minor ones. Candy for breakfast, don't have to brush your teeth, play in the mud in your new clothes, not a problem. Bedtime? Says who? I too lived with my parents when my daughter was little. I was pulling my hair out because I felt like the bad guy for having to come home and enforce the rules that didn't exist between them. I was going nuts until I lost my dad to renal failure. Then, I really went nuts. I would let my kid play in the mud and eat candy all day everyday if I could only have my dad back. It was then that I realized that this is their right to passage. Think of it as their job. Our job is the tough one, but for the time that they have remaining, let them do their job without complaint, as long as it doesn't endanger your kids, everything is okie dokie!

I agree with your dilemma in that your father should not override you in decisions concerning your children. Unfortunately, if your father is as stubborn as you suggest, there's probably no getting through to him. Your best bet may be to discipline your children when they disobey you, even if grandpa said it was OK. Your kids need to realize that your authority takes precedence over their grandfather's. You certainly want your kids to respect their grandfather but first and foremost they have to respect you. Now, I don't want to be the devil's advocate but do you suppose it's possible that you're being a little overprotective with your children? Perhaps your father feels that you are and maybe that's why he sees fit to bend your rules at times. For example, would there really have been any harm in letting your kids ride around in the trailer with your father? It really doesn't sound dangerous to me and grandfathers like to do that kind of stuff with their grandkids. Ultimately every decision is yours as the mother but that's just a little food for thought. When dealing with kids, it usually pays to pick your battles wisely and sparingly. Certainly don't permit them to do anything that is clearly dangerous but if there's no real harm in it, then you may want to lighten up a little. Again, no criticism intended, just something to think about.

Well yes I am a little over protective with my children. They were kidnapped from me back in 2003 and they were returned to me but I'm always afraid something will happen to them or they will be taken. If they go out side and play I watch them the whole time because someone will take them from me. I was worried about the trailer because I was afraid they would move around and fall off. My five year old would at least because she doesn't like to sit still.

As a grand parent, I have one simple rule, at my house, my rules apply.
It is simple, so when the kids come over with their kids, they basically are now my kids and their kids my grandkids.

So if I want to ride them in a wagon we do so, and I would not even think to ask their mom or dad since at my home it is my rules.


If I visit in their home, I respect their rules more but in general with grandparents, yep, we spoil the grandkis, it is our job

You expect to be spoiled by grandparents My Nan has always spoiled me and even does so now andI am 21yrs. It does not matter how much I tell her not to tidy my room, to not do my washing & ironing or not to keep buying me things but to save her money for herself she still goes ahead and does so anyway. I am always greatful; but at the same time wish she would let me do these things for myself.

My little brother (who is 8yrs old) gets away with murder at my nans house as did I when I was little - but when she comes over to ours my mums rules stand.