Ask Me Help Desk - Apology not accepted

Hi, I have this guy that I recently met who became one of my good friends in a short period. He was nice and we got along together... I loved it. But then he told me he liked me and I didn't know how to handle that. You might say "oh, just tell him that you want him as a friend and blah, blah, blah" but he was different. Don't get me wrong, I defenitly did NOT like him, nor was I attracted to him, he's not my type but he was of a different nature. I can't even explain this, he was very sensitive, to the point of only being able to LOVE or HATE. Jus that, he either loved or hated. So I felt I had to be extremely careful to not hurt him or damage my relationship with him with what I said and did. He's not your average guy, he's intimidating and I was quite afraid of him... not for what he could do but for what could happen to our relationship.

Anyway, he told me he liked me and I didn't want to hurt him and I tried to act normal around him and it just didn't feel right cause I had to watch what I said and it was uncomfortable. We didn't talk for about a week when all of a sudden I buckled under it all and asked for forgiveness. He was nice about it but not very forgiving. He laughed at what I said even though I was being serious about it all, and he said to me, "I don't need to forive you, you need to forgive yourself." With that I didn't talk to him until he called me later that day. We talked about how I was sorry and he made me feel like crap, that he didn't believe anything I said, that I had let him down, he didn't trust me anymore. I felt miserable for a long time after that.

He then wrote me an email where he said: I have something for you, come and get it.
I got mad because I wasn't going to be a dog after him begging for his forgiveness, I'll do the first time but not after that. So I acted like I hadn't gotten his email. Two weeks passed and I called one night to ask how he was. He said he was fine and then he called and asked if he could come over to give me something. When he came over it was a note. Then he left. I read the note and was pissed because he was here in front of my face and didn't say anything to me. Just gave me the note and that was it. The note said that we had decided to be friends again but that I didn't seem too interested in making things right, he also said that I was good at disguising my emotions because when I would be alone I would be all sad and that when other people came aorund me I suddenly became happy. He also said that being able to disguise my emotions gave me power over people. To add on to that he said I was sad because I know that he could have made me happy and that I had missed my chance. That really made me mad.

So, the way I'm thinking right now is to leave it alone because I already apologized and he didn't accept it so that's on him. Also, just because I'm sad one moment doesn't mean I have to put my saddness onto others when they come to me. And also, had he really been my friend he would have accepted my apology and realized that I made a mistake. Am I making sense... I'm pissed off and would like to tell him off, so respond to me if you have a good way to tell him off or give me advice to make things better again. Anything and everythiing will be appreciated. Thanks.

It really seems like you have answered this yourself. This guy has NO spine. He gave you a note telling you this? To me, that is out of the question. You shouldn't feel bad, you were honest about your intentions and he wasn't man enough to accept that. Why would you want a drama queen like that as a friend anyway? I HATE people like this. You should feel good that you had the guts to NOT lead him on, don't feel bad one bit. How old is this guy? Honesty is always the best policy, and I give you props for being one of the few people in this world that still thinks that is important. I would say leave this child behind you and find a MAN that is not afraid of not landing every girl he goes after so he hates them for rejecting them. ABSURD! Guys like this don't deserve dates... :rolleyes:

This guy seems to have some serious issues that are going to require professional intervention. He doesn't really sound like the type of person that a seemingly prudent person like you wants for a friend. I'd steer clear of him if I were you. You seem overly preoccupied about protecting his feelings even though you're not interested in him. Why is that? You've done nothing wrong, so if he gets his nose all bent out of joint, that's his problem, not yours.

Hes not your real friend and he doesn't sound like he ever was. He doesn't care about how you feel. Let him seek the professional help that he obviously needs. You have enough to deal with in life. You don't need the soap opera.

I know this seems long-winded, but once in a while I read between the lines, and then I'm on a roll, to try and explain the options you might have to change the life you obviously are not happy with.

I want to make one thing clear: I'm not being judgemental or attacking you, but (and this is just my opinion).. greatinbed is telling me a lot about you already, as far as how you feel about yourself, and picking that particular name. Is this what you really think of yourself? If you don't respect or learn to love yourself enough, how can you expect respect from anyone else? How old are you and how long do you expect to go on like this? I might be wrong in my assessment, but not far from it.

As far as the Tread about your sisters, called Love Slave - You should concentrate on yourself and not worry about them - that's just a way of distracting things from the real issue and that's YOU. They will live their lives with or without your intervention. But with the three of you having interchangeable emotions there must not have been much healthy guidance or communication about relationships at home to begin with. You told us about their 'failures', but how about their good points or the love you share with each other? Also, there is no mention about your family life. All of these factors are important in knowing you, and you ignore or hide them.

Now about this particular thread, you did not reveal your age, but revealed a lot of other things, one of which is that you've had a lot of 'boyfriends' whether intimate or not, and something usually went wrong with each one of them so far. You also wrote a whole lot, but not telling much - not really... except for being 'pissed' and 'sad'.and 'mad'..
Stating you were surprised when he 'told you he liked you' and that you did not know how to handle that - probably fear of rejection of any type, makes me wonder what type of emotional treatment you've been used to in the past - being used or constantly rejected - and I think you set yourself up for this subconsciously, either on purpose or you did not learn any other way. Maybe you never had the chance to see what a real friendship means, or have no clue as to what love entails. You also did not state exactly what you said to the young man you apoligized to. You said that guys treat you like crap, how do you treat them? It seems you built yourself a wall already and are not willing to break it down for fear of emotional closeness. Getting close to someone does not mean it always has to be physical and if you act 'easy' and try to please them to gain recognition,and then also being scared of rejection if you don't go as far as they expect, it's not going to help.. . Just maybe, your reputation at present (wanted or not) makes these guys think they can treat you this way, and you are evidently not doing anything constructive to change it. You are keeping that wall up not letting anyone in, but also feeling sad because it hurts and you wish they could see the real you - but this is impossible because you don't even know the real you yet.
So, in a nutshell you have been on an emotional rollercoaster and confused, but trying to act cool, therefore confusing others around you to where they think they can't take you serious or trust you anymore. There are so many types of people in the world, and some have gone through a lot of unfortunate things in their lives, and the worst thing to do is not to evaluate them and/or talk about them so that you can learn and go on with what you really want. Everyone tests a role or two in their lives to see if they 'fit' and then when they grow up, laugh about it years later. You need to get to know yourself, set some goals for the future, and see if your present lifestyle is going to help you in obtaining these goals. Please don't despair because you are not the only one going through this stage. Some have guidance they can trust, others don't. Which do you fall under? If I were you, I'd see a professional at school or talk to (surprisingly enough) your grandmother or neighbor you can trust - they'll tell you that you are not the only one too.

I hope you got the chance to read to the end without getting upset, as this was not my intention and hope you did not take it that way. I wish you all the best now and in the future and truly hope you find your true 'role' in life.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_19.gifTake a good look at what you want!

I don't think you need to keep on apologizing to him for absolutely nothing. I also don't think he has some intentions to take you down emotionally. I think he has some emotional distress and some bad experience in the past epecially during his childhood. Most often people having some traumatic experience in the childhood such as betrayed by his friends or girlfriends, mistreated by his parents etc. He seem to be very possessive about you and is sure that you can be happy only with him. Perhaps he is surrounded by people who extravagantly flatter him only to inflate his ego because of which he has been frantically believing that he should be liked by all unconditionally. I guess you need to decide whether you really want to put him off with a formal discussion or without discussion. Any kind of communication with a person like him will only surprise you further. Gradually you start igoring him till he completely vanishes from your life. Such people aren't so bad but they tend to be their own emotional victims. They need some serious emotional back-up, which isn't easy for any normal person like you. Therefore, go on your own way and leave him gradually. No need to apologize.

Hi,
Why not just leave this guy alone, and go your own way?
No apology needed. Just because you are mad, you can get over it. Treat others with respect, and don't worry about their problems, don't make them your own. All of us have our own problems, and there is no use letting someone else give us more.
Forget it, and move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by greatinbed

Hi, I have this guy that i recently met who became one of my good friends in a short period of time. He was nice and we got along together... I loved it. But then he told me he liked me and I didn't know how to handle that. You might say "oh, just tell him that you want him as a friend and blah, blah, blah" but he was different. Don't get me wrong, I defenitly did NOT like him, nor was I attracted to him, he's not my type but he was of a different nature. I can't even explain this, he was very sensitive, to the point of only being able to LOVE or HATE. Jus that, he either loved or hated. So I felt I had to be extremely careful to not hurt him or damage my relationship with him with what I said and did. He's not your average guy, he's intimidating and I was quite afraid of him...not for what he could do but for what could happen to our relationship.

Anyway, he told me he liked me and I didn't want to hurt him and I tried to act normal around him and it just didn't feel right cause i had to watch what i said and it was uncomfortable. We didn't talk for about a week when all of a sudden I buckled under it all and asked for forgiveness. He was nice about it but not very forgiving. He laughed at what I said even tho I was being serious about it all, and he said to me, "I don't need to forive you, you need to forgive yourself." With that I didn't talk to him until he called me later that day. We talked about how I was sorry and he made me feel like crap, that he didn't believe anything I said, that I had let him down, he didn't trust me anymore. I felt miserable for a long time after that.

He then wrote me an email where he said: I have something for you, come and get it.
I got mad because I wasn't going to be a dog after him begging for his forgiveness, I'll do the first time but not after that. So i acted like I hadn't gotten his email. Two weeks passed and I called one night to ask how he was. He said he was fine and then he called and asked if he could come over to give me something. When he came over it was a note. Then he left. I read the note and was pissed because he was here infront of my face and didn't say anything to me. Just gave me the note and that was it. The note said that we had decided to be friends again but that I didn't seem too interested in making things right, he also said that I was good at disguising my emotions because when I would be alone I would be all sad and that when other people came aorund me I suddenly became happy. He also said that being able to disguise my emotions gave me power over people. To add on to that he said I was sad because I know that he could have made me happy and that I had missed my chance. That really made me mad.

So, the way I'm thinking right now is to leave it alone because I already apologized and he didn't accept it so that's on him. Also, just because I'm sad one moment doesn't mean I have to put my saddness onto others when they come to me. And also, had he really been my friend he would have accepted my apology and realized that I made a mistake. Am I making sense... I'm pissed off and would like to tell him off, so respond to me if you have a good way to tell him off or give me advice to make things better again. Anything and everythiing will be appreciated. Thanks.

I also agree.. absolutely correct...