Ask Me Help Desk - Lost and can't figure out what to do next?

Hello,
I am a happily married 24 yr old lesbian, been together 4 years and married 3. I have been lost in my life- no direction in life besides wanting to be a mother. I have started and stopped college twice and currently have 1 1/2 years left before graduation and am currently enrolled in school but hate it and want to quite again. I can't see a reason to continue as I have a full time job and can see myself happy here for awhile. I have a crap load of student loans and the year and a half I have left I will be adding an additional $11,000 in loans, so I am feeling that it is most likely not worth it but do not want to continuously give up and feel like a loser. I hate Psychology and that is my major and changing now would add on at least another year. Here is the one thing I know I want to have children and raise them, I just miscarried so maybe that is why I am wanting to stop school? Is anyone else having the same type of problem?
Thanks for reading!

You say you just miscarried, and that may be why you are feeling so blue... you sound depressed. Many times a miscarriage is just passed off like it was nothing, but you did lose something of yourself and it is all right to grieve about that, you can be sad about it because it is a sad thing to experience; especially since you express your desire to be a mother. You are also probably experiencing some real hormonal changes because your body got all geared up to deal with a pregnancy and then didn't have to, you would be subject to some hormonal swings as your body tries to normalize itself again. This all DOES NOT mean you are a loser, you're just going through some changes. It's okay to put your education on hold for a while as you work on getting yourself centered again. Since you seem to be interested in children and you mention work towards a psych degree, have you thought about developmental psych, where you would be working with children and their mental and emotional growth and development? Might be a way to take advantage of your education by aiming it closer to your interest in children. Just a thought. Give yourself some acknowledgement of and right to your grief and disappointment about the miscarriage. Since you state that you are happy in your marriage and okay with your job it sounds as though you are basically a happy person, just know it's okay to be sad when you have a good reason for it.

Punypayaos gave you some good advice. I have a master's in psych (used to be a teacher, have been a librarian since Noah floated around on the ark). Psych is very useful--to figure out children and adults, my boss, my coworkers, my spouse... It has given me many tools as I deal with people in all parts of my life. Think of how psych can help you in your future, and maybe it won't seem so horrible.

That degree might just turn out to be the frosting on the cake of your life. Your loans will increase, but you should be able to consolidate them and pay them off gradually, maybe over ten years or more (and while you are earning a decent wage).

Really think this through so you don't kick yourself five or ten years down the road and think, "Whatever possessed me to quit college????"

Now, go back and reread what punapayaos said. Print out a copy and stick it on your bathroom mirror.

Best wishes!

Quote:

Originally Posted by nothingness

Hello,
I am a happily married 24 yr old lesbian, been together 4 years and married 3. I have been lost in my life- no direction in life besides wanting to be a mother. I have started and stopped college twice and currently have 1 1/2 years left before graduation and am currently enrolled in school but hate it and want to quite again. I can't see a reason to continue as I have a full time job and can see myself happy here for awhile. I have a crap load of student loans and the year and a half I have left I will be adding an additional $11,000 in loans, so I am feeling that it is most likely not worth it but do not want to continously give up and feel like a loser. I hate Psychology and that is my major and changing now would add on at least another year. Here is the one thing I know I want to have children and raise them, I just miscarried so maybe that is why I am wanting to stop school? Is anyone else having the same type of problem?
Thanks for reading!

So sorry about your recent miscarriage. Something like 80% of college grads do not have a job in their major. Graduation does not make you a success or a failure. Being true to yourself and following your dreams is the closest thing to success we have. One thing is for sure, you will never regret having kid. They are Gods tangible blessings of such love.. . Both to give and to receive. I would not change your major, there is something about it that initially attracted you to it. I hope this helps and liberates your spirit!

Quote:

Originally Posted by nothingness

Hello,
I am a happily married 24 yr old lesbian, been together 4 years and married 3. I have been lost in my life- no direction in life besides wanting to be a mother. I have started and stopped college twice and currently have 1 1/2 years left before graduation and am currently enrolled in school but hate it and want to quite again. I can't see a reason to continue as I have a full time job and can see myself happy here for awhile. I have a crap load of student loans and the year and a half I have left I will be adding an additional $11,000 in loans, so I am feeling that it is most likely not worth it but do not want to continously give up and feel like a loser. I hate Psychology and that is my major and changing now would add on at least another year. Here is the one thing I know I want to have children and raise them, I just miscarried so maybe that is why I am wanting to stop school? Is anyone else having the same type of problem?
Thanks for reading!

Thank you! It really helps to know that what I am going through is normal and I should just take some time to figure it all out, I suppose.

nothingness,

There is some good advice above. I would like to wish you well and say that I hope you'll stick around and let us know how things are going.

I am so sorry for your loss, and that is probably why your feeling the way you are. Counseling is important and I am glad that you were able to come here for some great advice.