We have been dating 4 years now. He goes out of town a lot to work and when he comes home we are like animals and then it calms down and we don't have sex for weeks. I ask him what is wrong and he says that he isn't attracted to me because I'm too overweight. I'm 210lbs. He's 205! That not much of a difference. He has dated very skinny pretty girls in the past and says that I am the first heavy girl he's dated. But he says that he loves me for who I am. I spoil him at home with nice dinners the house is always clean, I make his lunch every morning and everything. But in return he buys me really nice things. I just don't get it! He's tried to help me to lose weight and last night me bought me a treadmill. Then 3 weeks ago he gave me a 4ct diamond ring and ask me to marry him. I know I need to lose weight for health reason and it will probably help our sex lives but in the mean time I'm going crazy. Is there anyone out there that is going through this. I'm real shy and don't know how to spice things up a little to get his attention? Please Help!

Honestly I think you would be better off without him. I know you may have a lot invested as ye have bn together for 4 yrs but for him to tell you he is not attacted to you and to make you feel bad about yourself isn't rite.

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Originally Posted by kildarebabe

honestly i think u would b better off without him. i know you may have alot invested as ye have bn together for 4 yrs but for him to tell u he is not attacted to you and to make u feel bad about urself isnt rite.

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I have to agree, If he doesn't want to make love to you because you're your weight then he's a jerk. I think that you are better off with out him. You need someone that is going to love every inch of you, and tell you how pretty you are. And love you for you. I think him bying you a treadmill is a little insentative. Im over weight and if my BF every said anything like that to me, he;d be out the door girlfriend! You shouldn't have to spice thinks up just to get his attition, you should be the center of it at all times!

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Originally Posted by Estrangled Girl

We have been dating 4 years now. He goes out of town a lot to work and when he comes home we are like animals and then it calms down and we don't have sex for weeks. I ask him what is wrong and he says that he isn't attracted to me because I'm too overweight. ...but he says that he loves me for who I am. ...last night me bought me a treadmill. Then 3 weeks ago he gave me a 4ct diamond ring and ask me to marry him.

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I'm highlighting and condensing some of your quote because the whole thing is throwing up red flags, especially when you look at the extremes of behavior and messages. This sounds like a rollercoaster ride of contradictions.

Weight is not a reason when you've been in a relationship for four years, especially if you were overweight when you met. I've known men who've used that excuse when their partner was five pounds overweight. It just doesn't fly. And if he's really not attracted to you, then how does he manage your "animal" time when he returns from a trip?

Have you asked yourself some of those tough questions...

Are there controlling elements in your relationship?
Do you believe you won't be able to find another man if you don't marry this one?
Is there give-and-take in your partnership (presents aside: are you both loving, accepting, supportive, helpful, communicative, emotionally intimate, etc.)?

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Originally Posted by Estrangled Girl

We have been dating 4 years now. He goes out of town a lot to work and when he comes home we are like animals and then it calms down and we don't have sex for weeks. I ask him what is wrong and he says that he isn't attracted to me because I'm too overweight. I'm 210lbs. He's 205! That not much of a difference. He has dated very skinny pretty girls in the past and says that I am the first heavy girl he's dated. but he says that he loves me for who I am. I spoil him at home with nice dinners the house is always clean, I make his lunch every morning and everything. But in return he buys me really nice things. I just don't get it! He's tried to help me to lose weight and last night me bought me a treadmill. Then 3 weeks ago he gave me a 4ct diamond ring and ask me to marry him. I know I need to lose weight for health reason and it will probably help our sex lives but in the mean time I'm going crazy. is there anyone out there that is going thru this. I'm real shy and don't know how to spice things up a little to get his attention? Please Help!

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If he is not attracted to you, why has he asked you to marry him and if you have these issues, why have you said yes to him.
You do things for him, feed him keep his house clean then hop on him when he's horny, but he is not attracted to you. That sounds like a crock to me.
Lose weight for yourself and your health and lose him for your sanity and self esteem.

Hmmmm, you know he has someone else, don't you?

He is stringing you along and placating you because he gets a lot of attention and services from you. He may even go so far as to marry you, but I think if you accept his engagement, he will find a way to sabotage the engagement to get out of it. Men know they can use a woman who is too eager to please, too desperate for a man. Those are the signals you send out.

Start working on yourself esteem and the first step is coming to terms with this relationship and what needs it serves for you.

This is my opinion.

Best wishes to you.

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Originally Posted by Estrangled Girl

We have been dating 4 years now. He goes out of town a lot to work and when he comes home we are like animals and then it calms down and we don't have sex for weeks. I ask him what is wrong and he says that he isn't attracted to me because I'm too overweight. I'm 210lbs. He's 205! That not much of a difference. He has dated very skinny pretty girls in the past and says that I am the first heavy girl he's dated. but he says that he loves me for who I am. I spoil him at home with nice dinners the house is always clean, I make his lunch every morning and everything. But in return he buys me really nice things. I just don't get it! He's tried to help me to lose weight and last night me bought me a treadmill. Then 3 weeks ago he gave me a 4ct diamond ring and ask me to marry him. I know I need to lose weight for health reason and it will probably help our sex lives but in the mean time I'm going crazy. is there anyone out there that is going thru this. I'm real shy and don't know how to spice things up a little to get his attention? Please Help!

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He doesn't sound like he's worth it. If he really said this, then he is not worth your time. There are plenty of guys who would find you very attractive.

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Originally Posted by mseik

I'm highlighting and condensing some of your quote because the whole thing is throwing up red flags, especially when you look at the extremes of behavior and messages. This sounds like a rollercoaster ride of contradictions.

Weight is not a reason when you've been in a relationship for four years, especially if you were overweight when you met. I've known men who've used that excuse when their partner was five pounds overweight. It just doesn't fly. And if he's really not attracted to you, then how does he manage your "animal" time when he returns from a trip?

Have you asked yourself some of those tough questions...

Are there controlling elements in your relationship?
Do you believe you won't be able to find another man if you don't marry this one?
Is there give-and-take in your partnership (presents aside: are you both loving, accepting, supportive, helpful, communicative, emotionally intimate, etc.)?

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Yes, I have the confidence to find someone else. We hardly ever fight. I cry a lot because I'm so overweight and he does comfort me and tell me that I will lose it because I have dropped a lot before and gained it back. He says that he will do anything to help me lose it and he really pushes me to exercise. I understand he doesn't want to me to be this heavy and I don't either but sex in a relatioship really means a lot to me. He is affectionate in public and brags about me a lot to his friends. Because how great of a person I am, and going to college and such. But he pushes me away at night when I try to be intimate with him. He says it's dead! But I am beginning to wonder if he has ED, and just not interested in sex at all right now, because he gladly accepted ED pill from a friend the other night but nothing worked because he was drinking. I am thinking that maybe we should see a Dr? He is under a lot of stress also with his father just passing. I think I am pushing him to hard to make love and I should just let it happen when it does

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If he is not attracted to you, why has he asked you to marry him and if you have these issues, why have you said yes to him.
You do things for him, feed him keep his house clean then hop on him when he's horny, but he is not attracted to you. That sounds like a crock to me.
Lose weight for yourself and your health and lose him for your sanity and self esteem.

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See this is what is so confusing! He says that I am very pretty besides my weight he says that I could have any guy that I wanted and he is lucky to have me. He says that my weight pushes guys away. I do all of these things for him because I love him, I am a care taker. I have some self esteem, I have even heard it from his friends that I am real pretty but my weight is killing me. So I took advantage of the treadmill I got from him and he was real excitd to hear that I exercised this moring he said keep it up. I really want those nice clothes that I can't fit into and he said that he is even willing to take me out and buy new ones once I lose some weight. It's almost like he is rewarding me for this.

Well I hope he means well. I can't imagine why he'd tell you that your weight pushes other guys away. It's almost like he is trying to help you get someone else. Or maybe he just has no tact. But you don't want to marry someone who will with hold sex from you whenever you don't look the way he wants you to. If he is not attracted to you it's wrong for him to marry you.
I wish you two well.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If he is not attracted to you, why has he asked you to marry him and if you have these issues, why have you said yes to him.
You do things for him, feed him keep his house clean then hop on him when he's horny, but he is not attracted to you. That sounds like a crock to me.
Lose weight for yourself and your health and lose him for your sanity and self esteem.

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While you do have a point there.

I think it's perfectly possible to fall in love with someone without being sexually attracted to them.

Still a crappy thing for a guy to do.

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Originally Posted by Spiked

While you do have a point there.

I think it's perfectly possible to fall in love with someone without being sexually attracted to them.

Still a crappy thing for a guy to do.

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Yeah, maybe fall in love, but you don't ask them to marry you. Sex is a big part of married life. If you don't feel sexually attracted to her, and she is to you, it's a bit unfair to marry her.

I don't think he deseves you at all and besides there isn't any difference between wieghting 205 and 210. You deserve better so ditch the dork!

I think you should lose the weight for yourself and not him, he obviously isn't helping you at all with yourself esteem and only supports you when you do excersise, I'm overweight as well and I've been with my boyfriend a year now and he always tells me I'm beautiful and loves me for who I am inside and out. That's what he should be doing with u, and if he says your pretty and everything ask yourself this, why does he say he's not attracted to you then? He may love you and everything but telling you he doesn't want to have sex because of your weight is totally and absolutely wrong it's actually pretty selfish if you ask me

He should be caring about your health and the reason he's probably marrying you is because you can take care of him and not a lot of women these days do that with their men, I'm not saying all but quite a few do not. Marrying because you love him is a good thing but I think the best option is to wait before going through with it, talk to him and explain how you feel and if he says he'll only have sex once your thinner and that. Throw the ring at his face, it may be harsh but he obviously is not thinking about your feelings

To me he's like a typical male, wants a women that looks presentable and to take care of all the house work and everything like that, he may be stressed and everything but that still doesn't cause the fact he's not attracted it has nothing to do with it.

If I were you I would just take a few days to talk things over with him and really think but whatever you do don't rush in and get married until everything is talked out and understood but if he's still saying he doesn't feel attracted he ain't worth it and you can find someone way better who is.

Now this is all only an opinion and you don't have to take it seriously

I'm going through the almost the same thing... I don't understand it either...

It would be best if you posted your question in a new thread. It will allow us to focus on your issue.

As well, this thread is over three years old. Chances are the original poster will never see this.