Before I go and get myself labelled as schizophrenic or bipolar or whatever, I wanted to have some idea what this sounds like to others... maybe I should just keep this to myself and suffer in silence. I was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder but recently realized that I have been having some kind of religious delusions and with auditory hallucinations... I mean thoughts that seem like they are not mine, not external voices. I have had this for a long time (many years), along with really unpleasant panic episodes with, extreme tension in my body. I did not tell anyone because I did not recognize it as abnormal but I thought the doctor wouldn't understand because of different religious beliefs. I seem to have cycles where I am trying harder and harder to pray and please God, and then I get exhausted and severely depressed. In between (and most days as far as I can tell), I experience strange sensations on my head (like I am being touched softly) and elsewhere, I experience what seems like "attacks" of agitation or panic or sadness, my head feels inside like there is a crackling feeling like I can feel the brain shifting around or something. I don't function too well as far as being able to socialize... I have some kind of social phobia... can't think when I am with other people. I have had only a couple of times where I think I experienced what I would think of as a hypomanic state... really happy, inappropriately outgoing with strangers. I have given away almost all of my clothes several times, I gave away all my jewelry to strangers. I didn't realize at the time that I was acting inappropriately but no one ever found out I did those things because I knew they would think it was weird and did not tell them. My husband is not very involved with me and did not notice I did those things. I also left my wedding ring on the altar at church... he never noticed it was missing. Sorry this is so long. I am afraid to tell the doctor about this stuff but am really tired of suffering and need some relief. I am also afraid of being misdiagnosed because whenever I told them about the panic and depression they gave me antidepressants and they shot me immediately into this hyper-panic mode... it was terrible. Anyway, I have no interests, I have trouble cleaning my house, I have no energy or I am so keyed up I can't move... I seem to be spending all my time trying to understand and manage my symptoms (I thought they might be demonic in origin but wasn't sure so I spent more and more time praying and reading Christian books to try and figure out what was going on and be healed.) I don't know why I am now recognizing this as pathological or why I didn't recognize it before. Anyway... I wondered how this might sound to someone else before I dump it on my doctor and maybe change my life forever. I know people think there is something wrong wiith me, because we are NEVER invited anywhere any more. I don't miss going as I never wanted to go anyway, but I am sad that people know something is wrong with me.

Talk to the doctor, baby doll. Im wondering though you said your husband is not involved. What do you mean exactly?

My husband has his own issues as well as his issues with me. He generally doesn't notice what I do or don't do (or if he does, he doesn't say anything). My wedding ring has been off my finger for maybe a year now and he has never noticed.

Im not sure what the difference is between bipolar and skitzophrenia is but I say you need a counselor that can talk to you about that kind of thing. I wonder if something might be going on that could be found with a cat scan. Did this all happen before or after the husband wedding ring thing? I'm just curious. Sorry if I'm too personal.

It's not too personal. These things have been happening for a long time... before and after the wedding ring.

Okay when you go talk to this counselor person make sure you mention the husband thing too. I don't like the sound of that. Im sorry that's going on. I do remember long while back hearing something of a similar experience. It was so long ago. Ask them to scan you. Sometimes there are other things than emotional conditions that can cause this kind of thing to happen. Please get checked out and always don't be afraid to get a second opinion.

Thank you Crankiebaby. I will ask about the scan when I talk to the psychologist and she does know about my husband and always asks me how things are going there.

I saw my doctor today and was really anxious about telling her all this but I am glad I did. I forgot to ask about the scan but pretty much told her everything else. She thinks everything can be explained by my dissociative disorder and major depression. She said some people have psychotic symptoms with major depression and assured me I am not schizophrenic, which was a huge relief! Thank you for responding so kindly to me, Crankiebabie, I was really scared and you helped me feel better. Ivory

Keep us posted baby doll and good luck.

Reply from H V S Moorthy on 10/01/06;
Dear friend, After going through yourself explained clinical history, I feel that your current problem is most probably a "Mood Disorder" in which an individual suffers from elated or depressed mood. If it is cyclical ie; elation and depression alternatively, it is named as Bi-polar affective Disorder. If it goes on recurrently in the form of only depression or elation, it is Uni-polar affective disorder. In order to discuss more, it is necessary to know some more details such as your age, physical health, duration of your clinical picture and any consultations you made and also any medication prescribed. I can share some of my views with you after knowing more from you. But I wish to mention one thing here, the more you have understanding about your problem (insight) the easier to lead a normal life. Good luck. HVSM
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Originally Posted by Ivory

Before I go and get myself labelled as schizophrenic or bipolar or whatever, I wanted to have some idea what this sounds like to others...maybe I should just keep this to myself and suffer in silence. I was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder but recently realized that I have been having some kind of religious delusions and with auditory hallucinations...I mean thoughts that seem like they are not mine, not external voices. I have had this for a long time (many years), along with really unpleasant panic episodes with, extreme tension in my body. I did not tell anyone because I did not recognize it as abnormal but I thought the doctor wouldn't understand because of different religious beliefs. I seem to have cycles where I am trying harder and harder to pray and please God, and then I get exhausted and severely depressed. In between (and most days as far as I can tell), I experience strange sensations on my head (like I am being touched softly) and elsewhere, I experience what seems like "attacks" of agitation or panic or sadness, my head feels inside like there is a crackling feeling like I can feel the brain shifting around or something. I don't function too well as far as being able to socialize...I have some kind of social phobia...cant think when I am with other people. I have had only a couple of times where I think I experienced what I would think of as a hypomanic state...really happy, inappropriately outgoing with strangers. I have given away almost all of my clothes several times, I gave away all my jewelry to strangers. I didn't realize at the time that I was acting inappropriately but no one ever found out I did those things because I knew they would think it was weird and did not tell them. My husband is not very involved with me and did not notice I did those things. I also left my wedding ring on the altar at church...he never noticed it was missing. Sorry this is so long. I am afraid to tell the doctor about this stuff but am really tired of suffering and need some relief. I am also afraid of being misdiagnosed because whenever I told them about the panic and depression they gave me antidepressants and they shot me immediately into this hyper-panic mode...it was terrible. Anyway, I have no interests, I have trouble cleaning my house, I have no energy or I am so keyed up I can't move...I seem to be spending all my time trying to understand and manage my symptoms (I thought they might be demonic in origin but wasn't sure so I spent more and more time praying and reading Christian books to try and figure out what was going on and be healed.) I don't know why I am now recognizing this as pathological or why I didn't recognize it before. Anyway...I wondered how this might sound to someone else before I dump it on my doctor and maybe change my life forever. I know people think there is something wrong wiith me, because we are NEVER invited anywhere any more. I don't miss going as I never wanted to go anyway, but I am sad that people know something is wrong with me.

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Stay away from psych meds. They're poison. My sister's on them and after many years use she is f'd up. You are having a terrible time but you can get through it with the support of someone other than your loser husband. Just take the time to figure out what in your life, either past or current, is making you have these dysfunctional moods and work on limiting and handling them the rest of your life. It will take time but you have time and it is worth the time. You are worth the time. Avoid these disgraceful meds at any cost. They are poison, not a quick fix. You'll gradually improve until you notice a big difference and have continuity and stability. Just love yourself and find others who'll love and support you and be close to God without all the religious stuff. I really wish you the best.