Ask Me Help Desk - How to overcome my jealousy

I have been with my fiancé since aug 06, and am so jealous, he has a friend who is a girl but I have overcome that issue there is nothing going on, but look through his mobile phone and in his wallet. I found a condom in his wallet, but we don't even use them anymore. Why is it there then. Found him sending texts to girls but they are saved under guys names, saying things to them which he should be saying to me. We are on the brink of splitting up if I don't get some help with my jealousy. I don't want to be like this, I need to overcome my problems or I'm going to lose him. Please please help me

It takes a lot to overcome jealousy... and I've seen it wreck relationships before... this is probably going to sound pretty corny BUT... not justifying what he's been doing but maybe he honestly doesn't understand why those things bother you so much... I mean I'm sure you've probably told him... but if you were upset... you might not have made things as clear as you thought and if he was upset he was probably listening but not really hearing... try sitting him down and talking to him... calmly... dont make it sound as if everything is his fault and you actually think he's cheating... if that doesn't work... try a letter... sometimes that works better... you don't stumble over your words and its easier not to chicken out of saying what you need to say...

Just talk to him... calmly... let him know why you feel the way you do... promise you'll try... but let him know it won't be easy and it won't be over night...

That's the best thing you can do is to try... theres no particular way but it seems as if... you need reasurance that he's not giving you... hence the reason I said sit down and calmly talk to him... and I am stressing CALMLY... most of the time people (including myself) forget what it means

Quote:

Originally Posted by chris1980

i have been with my fiance since aug 06, and am so jealous, he has a friend who is a girl but i have overcome that issue there is nothing going on, but look through his mobile phone and in his wallet. i found a condom in his wallet, but we dont even use them anymore. why is it there then. found him sending texts to girls but they are saved under guys names, saying things to them which he should be saying to me. we are on the brink of splitting up if i dont get some help with my jealousy. i dont want to be like this, i need to overcome my problems or im going to lose him. please please help me

I don't want to sound negative to you in your situation, but I also had the same problem with an x who did the same with the girld names stored under guys names. In my personal experience, it was a bad thing. Turned out that this girl (in his words) was obsessed with trying to be with him, even though he had a girlfriend... she didn't care. I am jealous and suspicious as well, but rightly so. I have been hurt a lot before too and it's VERY VERY hard to overcome. You need to find a very kind, patient man to bring you back out of your shell and back to the trusting person you can be. He needs to be willing to show you and prove to you that he is good and will not hurt you. Unfortunately, it is very hard to find a guy who is willing to put the time and effort into cultivating the relationship if it is already strained from the beginning... best of luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chris1980

i have been with my fiance since aug 06, and am so jealous, he has a friend who is a girl but i have overcome that issue there is nothing going on, but look through his mobile phone and in his wallet. i found a condom in his wallet, but we dont even use them anymore. why is it there then. found him sending texts to girls but they are saved under guys names, saying things to them which he should be saying to me. we are on the brink of splitting up if i dont get some help with my jealousy. i dont want to be like this, i need to overcome my problems or im going to lose him. please please help me

Do not confused being jealous with being aware! I think is very weird that he has a condom in his wallet, and if he is really doing the cell phone Change of names... (that is an old strategy.. ) he is hiding something (not necessarily cheating.. yet).

I will suggest you speak with him, and tell him everything... hey you can tell him you saw his cell phone by mistake just checking for a number (don't let him use the argument that you were spying on him) and you saw the messages... if you are engaged you already have a lot of intimacy and trust going on, so you can do that!
Good Luck!