If breaking up isn't hard enough already, try throwing in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to the mix. AKA The Doubting Disease. Makes me doubt all my d*mned decisions. Even his.

My mind is spinning out of control with this whole breakup thing, wondering if the reason he gave me was the real reason. (He said though he loved me he couldn't handle a relationship at this point in his life, said he felt like he needed time for himself, etc. He also said he couldn't ask me to hang on because he would not feel right asking that from someone, and also what if he needs more time or finds that he just wants to be single. Which would be honorable.) What makes it bad, is that in general the guy has a really hard time finding the right words to say, so this whole mess is so ambiguous.

Therefore, I find myself overanalyzing everything. Every little thing is doubted. I start asking myself questions like:

“Did he not want me to hang on because he just flat out didn't want me, or was he REALLY trying to do right by me?”
“Did he lie when he said he still loved me?”
"Did he ever love me?”
“What went wrong and is there something he isn't he telling me?”
“Was it all a lie -- because if it was that good wouldn't we still be together?”
“Did he not mean it when he said I was the reason he wouldn't take the job two hours away or was I just his excuse to stay?”

Oh, and it's a common occurrence for me to wonder:
"Is today the day he stopped loving me? Or was it two days ago?"


Then of course I'm overwhelmed with helplessness hoping he will never stop loving me -- which sickens me to think will actually happen if it hasn't already. I mean seriously, letting go of someone who claims they still love you is one of the hardest things to do. Especially when nothing really went wrong. Seriously, try going to bed happy and in love. And waking up being forced to tell yourself: "Ok, though we both love each other, I have to stop loving him right now. GET OVER IT NOW. GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE."

Seriously. It's enough to make me want to wash my hands 3.5 times and use 17 paper towels. Maybe count every single character that I type out 15 times.

Yeah, I know, like I said I'm overanalyzing everything. It's what I do best. I once had a boyfriend who I was in love with tell me he never loved me and that being near me disgusted him. So it's not like that makes my doubting any easier either.

I know I will never know the answers to my questions…I just thought I would vent them out here. They look so much prettier typed out then they do as a jumbled mess in my head. And thank you OCD... you make my mind skip like a record never coming to a conclusion. And now I'm torn between glorifying him and loathing him. And I am uncomfortable doing both.

So yeah, that was me venting. Is there anyone else dealing with OCD and a breakup? Maybe someone can relate. Maybe someone can relate. Maybe someone can relate. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA couldn't resist. j/k ;) )

I can definitely relate. I don't have OCD, but I do have Borderline Personality Disorder, so I feel a lot of what you feel and then some. I have a problem with putting things in the past and moving on. I ask myself the same questions over and over about what might have gone wrong without ever finding an answer. I go back and forth between hating my ex boyfriend and loving him and missing him so much that I can barely breathe (a great book to illustrate my problem is "I hate you, please don't leave me"). Dealing with a breakup is hard enough without throwing an emotional problem into the mix... It makes life a living hell dosen't it?

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Originally Posted by little firefly

I can definitely relate. I don't have OCD, but i do have Borderline Personality Disorder, so i feel a lot of what you feel and then some. I have a problem with putting things in the past and moving on. I ask myself the same questions over and over about what might have gone wrong without ever finding an answer. I go back and forth between hating my ex bf and loving him and missing him so much that i can barely breathe (a great book to illustrate my problem is "I hate you, please don't leave me"). Dealing with a breakup is hard enough without throwing an emotional problem into the mix.....It makes life a living hell dosen't it?!

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You are definitely right, it is a living hell. It makes it that much more difficult. I really don't want to dope myself up with meds, but right now that route is looking good. LOL. I think I will check that book out.

I was actually on meds for a while, but they made me really drowsy and I started putting on some weight, so I chose to be taken off them. Coming to this site has really been good therapy for me because I'm able to talk about how I feel with other people who are in similar situations. It seems to make me feel better... You know, what's funny is that my ex has OCD. One thing his doctor pinpointed is that he tends to fall in love too quickly and easily but then loses the feelings almost as fast because of his ADD... isn't that a kick in the head!

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Originally Posted by little firefly

I was actually on meds for a while, but they made me really drowsy and i started putting on some weight, so i chose to be taken off of them. Coming to this site has really been good therapy for me because i'm able to talk about how i feel with other people who are in similar situations. It seems to make me feel better....You know, whats funny is that my ex has OCD. One thing his doctor pinpointed is that he tends to fall in love too quickly and easily but then loses the feelings almost as fast because of his ADD....isn't that a kick in the head!

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Oh wow!! I could use some ADD right now!! That would be wonderful. I could speed things up lol! :)

Yeah, I'm not sure I would really like meds. I would be afraid I would be a totally different person. Lol. Was it hard to come off them?

I'm not OCD nor ADD but have lived around and with people who battle this. This is my dysfunction. Codependency.

In my relationships with them, I find that they tend to "project" their feelings when relating with me. So I don't take things personally because if I did, I'd be buying into "their" definitions of me.

Perhaps you should start looking at this breakup the other way around. Perhaps it wasn't YOUR fault (even though he might do or say it was). Perhaps you shouldn't even think of this as a fault. I would venture it's an experience that lots of us have been through.

There are two excellent books that put relationships into persective:

1. Whatever You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business - by Terry Cole-Whitaker
2. Codependent No More - by Melody Beattie

Excellent books to really chew on. Give 'em a try and advise of your findings!

Cheers

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Oh wow!! I could use some ADD right now!! That would be wonderful. I could speed things up lol!

Yeah, I'm not sure I would really like meds. I would be afraid I would be a totally different person. Lol. Was it hard to come off them?

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Lol, yeah, a touch of ADD would be a good thing huh. It would be better than hanging on to something that's been gone for months!

As far as the meds, I did have some trouble coming off them as far as it causing me to have some insomnia, and a little anxiety, but I just didn't like the way I felt when I was on them. I was always sleepy and it was hard for me to function.

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Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

Therefore, I find myself overanalyzing everything. Every little thing is doubted. I start asking myself questions like:

“Did he not want me to hang on because he just flat out didn’t want me, or was he REALLY trying to do right by me?”
“Did he lie when he said he still loved me?”
"Did he ever love me?”
“What went wrong and is there something he isn’t he telling me?”
“Was it all a lie -- because if it was that good wouldn’t we still be together?”
“Did he not mean it when he said I was the reason he wouldn’t take the job two hours away or was I just his excuse to stay?”

Oh, and it's a common occurrence for me to wonder:
"Is today the day he stopped loving me? Or was it two days ago?"

Then of course I'm overwhelmed with helplessness hoping he will never stop loving me -- which sickens me to think will actually happen if it hasn't already. I mean seriously, letting go of someone who claims they still love you is one of the hardest things to do. Especially when nothing really went wrong. Seriously, try going to bed happy and in love. And waking up being forced to tell yourself: "Ok, though we both love each other, I have to stop loving him right now. GET OVER IT NOW. GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE."

I know I will never know the answers to my questions…I just thought I would vent them out here. They look so much prettier typed out then they do as a jumbled mess in my head. And thank you OCD....you make my mind skip like a record never coming to a conclusion. And now I’m torn between glorifying him and loathing him. And I am uncomfortable doing both.

So yeah, that was me venting. Is there anyone else dealing with OCD and a breakup? Maybe someone can relate. Maybe someone can relate. Maybe someone can relate. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA couldn't resist. j/k ;) )

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Actually mafiaangel I think everything your going through is perfectly nomal... IF NOT THEN WE ALL HAVE OCD... Anyway I don't have OCD and I've asked myself all of the same questions you have... over and over and over. I think it has a lot to do with not knowing that the relationship was even in trouble... My ex and I were together for many many years and all seemed wonderful, that was until he left completely out of the blue. I think that most of us dumpees have all the same questions OCD or NOT.

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Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much

Actually mafiaangel I think everything your going through is perfectly nomal...IF NOT THEN WE ALL HAVE OCD... Anyway I don't have OCD and i've asked myself all of the same questions you have...over and over and over. I think it has alot to do with not knowing that the relationship was even in trouble... My ex and I were together for many many years and all seemed wonderful, that was until he left completely outta the blue. I think that most of us dumpees have all the same questions OCD or NOT.

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I absolutely agree that dumpees have a lot of "what if's" going through their head. But people with OCD have a lot of "what if's" going through their head every day. And when they are faced with a stressor such as a breakup, their OCD becomes 100 times worse than what it was before. Which is a hard thing to live with in itself. I mean seriously... do you sit around thinking "Maybe he will get back with me today if I count all the tiles on the ceiling 25 times before I go to bed?" I'm not saying that's my ritual or anything, but it's exhausting having that process and carrying out absurd rituals just to ease your mind. The brain skips like a record never coming to a conclusion. Yuck. I'm not making less of what a person without OCD is going through during a breakup, I'm just talking about the hell that is magnified by OCD. That's all. :)

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Originally Posted by DaBaAd

I'm not OCD nor ADD but have lived around and with people who battle this. This is my dysfunction. Codependency.

In my relationships with them, I find that they tend to "project" their feelings when relating with me. So I don't take things personally because if I did, I'd be buying into "their" definitions of me.

Perhaps you should start looking at this breakup the other way around. Perhaps it wasn't YOUR fault (even though he might do or say it was). Perhaps you shouldn't even think of this as a fault. I would venture it's an experience that lots of us have been through.

There are two excellent books that put relationships into persective:

1. Whatever You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business - by Terry Cole-Whitaker
2. Codependent No More - by Melody Beattie

Excellent books to really chew on. Give 'em a try and advise of your findings!

Cheers

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You are right, it's good to try to change the perspective. I've tried to do that, but it kind of flops around a bit. Thanks for the book recommendations! They sound really interesting!

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Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

I absolutely agree that dumpees have a lot of "what if's" going through their head. But people with OCD have a lot of "what if's" going through their head every day. And when they are faced with a stressor such as a breakup, their OCD becomes 100 times worse than what it was before. Which is a hard thing to live with in itself. I mean seriously....do you sit around thinking "Maybe he will get back with me today if I count all the tiles on the ceiling 25 times before I go to bed?" I'm not saying that's my ritual or anything, but it's exhausting having that process and carrying out absurd rituals just to ease your mind. The brain skips like a record never coming to a conclusion. Yuck. I'm not making less of what a person without OCD is going through during a breakup, I'm just talking about the hell that is magnified by OCD. That's all. :)

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OH OK I understand better now... And no I don't sit around thinking maybe he will get back with me today if I count all the tiles on the ceiling 25 times but I do think on a daily basis that maybe he will try and come back today, just minus the counting. I agree that must be horrible on top of what you're already going through.

I know this is a very old post, approaching 3 years old now... I just came across it because I am going through almost the Same thing as you were when you made this post... I suffer from OCD as well and just got out of a relationship with someone who meant the world to me, and like you, I ask myself all these questions and I just can't stop thinking about her... I'd like to know, if you can remember, how you eventually got over this? What helped you? How did you just "stop thinking" about it... I hope you still check this forum mafiagirl, I would really appreciate your response

Hi MBIMD, maybe reading her other posts would help.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=6214538