Last week I went out and ran into a girl I dated about 5 years ago.
She was out with her friends, her boyfriend and a few of his friends.

Because we hadn't seen each other for so long she embraced me with a big hug and kiss on the cheek, then introduced me to her boyfriend as her ex. Immediately, he started getting jealous.

I saw it was a problem for him, so I tried to politely join my friends and leave them to their own fun. Later on, My ex joined me and we started catching up. Soon enough her boyfriend constantly kept making excuses to interrupt our conversation, like did she want a drink or something along those lines.

While he wasn't around I said to her that I didn't want to cause any problems, that we should go hang out with her friends in a group, maybe he would feel more comfortable. So we did. And after speaking with her friends, getting to know them a little, they all mentioned the boyfriend being so jealous and watching me like a hawk. I asked about the boyfriend to the ex's friends, and they told me about their relationship etc.

This is when I found out that he cheats on her. My ex doesn't know. And it was confirmed to me later in the night by one of his friends.

I've kept in contact with my ex and are becoming good friends again. I've been contemplating telling her about her boyfriend cheating. It's none of my business, but someone has to say it, I would want my friends to tell me, and her own friends haven't even said anything.

Say something? Or stay out of it?

I would say something. After all, wouldn't you like someone to tell you?

Yes, I'd want to know.

I told her.

I have ended up in the middle of a he said she said dispute, and of course the boyfriend is denying it all. Saying that he'd never do that.

She doesn't know who to believe.

I wish I had got to this in time.

I always tell people in this situation that it is not your sin to confess and that I you do tell you will just end up in the middle.

All you can do right now is be supportive of your friend. Truthfully, YOU have no proof of what this boy is doing. He might be cheating and maybe he isn't. You told her he was cheating on her with no real knowledge just with hearsay.

Not to preach by any means but again if this situation pops up remember it is none of your business especially if you do not have concrete evidence. It is not your sin to confess. I wish you the best in dealing with this situation. I hope everything works out for your friend

Did you see him cheat? Then it isn't your business, it is just hear say. If you really felt the need to tell her something you should have told her how wrong it was for her to use you to make him jealous that night.

I would tell her. I would want to know.

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Originally Posted by stonewilder

Did you see him cheat? Then it isn't your business, it is just hear say. If you really felt the need to tell her something you should have told her how wrong it was for her to use you to make him jealous that night.

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Yeah unless you have proof, you're getting into territory that you don't have a passport stamp for. You aren't really supposed to be there. What you can do is confront him. Although, that might get ugly so I hope you aren't a bleeder. Otherwise you have to wait in the wings until he slips you dig?

I don't have hard evidence, your right.

I do have the word of her and his friends though. Yes, it's hear say, though without going into further detail, what I was told on many occasions, particularly this one girl he is cheating with, I believe.

If I was the one possibly being cheated on, I'd want to know. That's why I told her.

Her friends have now told her what they know apparently.

You said it: "None of your business."

HOWEVER, if you're sure and have facts, and are not afraid of this guy and/or your ex not believing you - tell her in a short, to the point conversation. I've seen women marry men AFTER being cheated on - ugh... the guy just denied it and said "the other girl was crazy" when accusing him"...

So be ready to be out in left field. Then, let the chips fall where they may. That guy was a cop and he still is - to protect and serve indeed!

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Originally Posted by Ash123

You said it: "None of your business."

HOWEVER, if you're sure and have facts, and are not afraid of this guy and/or your ex not believing you - tell her in a short, to the point conversation. i've seen women marry men AFTER being cheated on - ugh....the guy just denied it and said "the other girl was crazy" when accusing him" ....

so be ready to be out in left field. then, let the chips fall where they may. that guy was a cop and he still is - to protect and serve indeed!

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I'll go further and say that the fact they cheated probably increased those girls desire to get married.

I think you did the right thing, Because now her friends are conferming what you told her. And maybe they can tell her who he has been cheating on her with.

I would maybe tell her that if she doesn't believe what is being said, go and confront the girl he is supposedly cheating with and see what her reaction is. A woman has very good intuitiveness and she will have her answer right there.

That's only if they know who she is

Well now that her friends are backing up the story, it's a little better. I don't think it was any of your business, mainly because you only heard it from someone else. It could have only been a rumor, or maybe her friends didn't like him. I understand wanting to tell her because you would want to be told, but unless you witnessed it happen I don't think you should be telling someone that.

Hopefully it all works out though, and its too bad her friends didn't have the guts to tell her first.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I'll go further and say that the fact they cheated probably increased those girls desire to get married.

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Ha!

Could be...

Cheating is a spark that catches many trees... stay clear unless you are saving someone for the right reasons, and can take the consequences of being doubted.

Cheating is HARD to prove.. that's why a lot of people think they can keep doing it.

Karma is a funny thing though.

Business schmizzness. If we all had that mentality, we'd all be in the dark or screwed up or whatever. It would suck to be married to a man you thought was faithful for 20 years and all your friends knew about it the whole time and didn't say anything. That would be crappy. Also, there is tact and different ways to word things so it doesn't have to seem like he's being a busy-body.

Example:

"Hey Katy, I don't know if I should be mentioning this or not, but one of your friends told me that Mark cheats on you. I really don't know if it's true or if she is being a bad friend talking trash. But I just thought I would do the decent thing and give you a heads up because that is what I was told."

Thought I'd update you all.

She explained to me that she really wants it not to be true, but wouldn't stay with him if it is. But she doesn't know what the truth is, and isn't sure she'll ever find out. Now the question on her mind is, does she give him the benefit of the doubt.

I didn't know what to say to that. I wouldn't know what to do myself in that situation.
Does someone have some wisdom I can pass on?

I feel pretty terrible she's in this position because of me, but she has thanked me repeatedly for telling her. She said she's glad that I did, and she's glad she can speak to me about it to get an outsider perspective.

All you can do is sit back now and leave it up to her, her character, his karma, and fate.

As I said before, you had to be prepared to be an outsider on this one... and sometimes rumors of a cheat can fuel the relationshipp more... ironically. Though, one day it will collapse if built on a lie.

relax. your work is done!

Just be a friend and be there for her. That's all you really can do at this point in time. If I were her I would dump his . She deserves to be treated with the upmost respect! And his both her friends and HIS friends are saying it 10 to 1 its true!