Ask Me Help Desk - Dumped by phone, no chance to see girlfriend for weeks

I'm falling apart.

About a week ago I was dumped over the phone. We'd been going out for 2 years, and I don't get to see her that often because I work 300 miles away from her. She's in her last year in college.

I'm absolutely devastated and, while we were going through a rough patch, it came as a complete surprise.

Last week we were meant to go to a concert together in my home town - I bought the tickets over 6 months earlier. She phoned the night before the concert, and I was expecting her to say when she'd be arriving, but instead she finished it.

I can't stop myself from thinking about her. I feel that I really need to see her, but when I ask her if I could come up, she flat-out refuses... because she'd be a mess. Without seeing her though, I'm a mess.

She was very busy up until today with essays, so tonight is the first night she's been able to go out - she told me she'd be partying hard and getting absolutely wasted. She also said she has another three parties this week.

I won't be able to go to see her for over another week. I really need to know what I can do to stop ripping myself from looking at her Facebook profile to see what she's up to, and thinking of all the things that she might be up to now that she has plenty of spare time.

I need to stop thinking about her - at least until I get to see her (and get some sort of closure). Does anyone have any suggestions? I keep on thinking that she's out getting it on with other men, and its killing me.

And what's my best strategy when I do see her? I want her back, but I don't want to appear pathetic, arrogant or already over her.

In desperation -- Joe

YOU give yourself closure. Don't wait for her to give it. If all the other posts like this one are any indication, she will never give you closure, but will seesaw back and forth until you go crazy.

You DON'T see her again. You DON'T email her or talk on the phone with her. You DON'T ask others about her. You DON'T moon over her Facebook page and check up on her. You DO need to get over her already. The only solution is No Contact and moving forward with your life.

Thing is, I will see her again - its not particularly over need or want, but it will happen. I want to see her again to know how I feel about her - and that's how I'll get closure.

Why does everyone on this website obsess about ways of getting over someone. It doesn't always work like that.

I don't know how she feels towards me - she was busy and stressed when she finished it. If there's any chance of getting this relationship back, I'll take it.

I will see her because I'm going up to see other friends in college, and she'll be there. I want to know if this breakup is final, and the only way I'll know is face to face.

But I need advice, not instructions.

It doesn't matter how you feel about her. If she's gone, she's gone. All the love in your heart will not bring her back. And yes, 99% of the time it DOES work like that. I've been through it, others here have been through it, and many posters who come here have been through it.

Advice IS instructions. If you want a listening ear, that's different.

I advise you, if you talk with her and she says again it's over, to accept that as final.

(Check the links below for similar "I've been dumped" stories.)

Advice is suggestions. The more the better

Quote:

Originally Posted by jomore

Why does everyone on this website obsess about ways of getting over someone. It doesn't always work like that.

But I need advice, not instructions.

Joe
I'm sorry for your situation and feel for you , I have seen it so many times on this site and been there myself.

People on here do not OBSESS about ways of getting over someone , but we do advise how to because many times that is the actual question.

But we do suggest No Contact etc. when someone has been dumped and that is purely so that you can start your healing process. If you have been dumped you are on an emotional rollercoaster and possibly in denial as well. Therefore people on the outside can generally see things a lot better than you can at the moment.

Bottom line is when someone dumps you it is not something that they all of a sudden wake up in the morning and decide. This has been going on in there head for weeks maybe even months. They have made their decision , you don't Dump someone you want to be with , would you?

So yes , we do suggest NC and it is all for your own good , but then again we can only give you what we think as you asked the question. Like I said we have all seen questions like yours before and we generally get a feel for the way they will turn out.

Good luck and I hope I have shed a little bit of light on your question.

Now that's advice! Thanks.

How can I stop myself thinking about her... I'm afraid I'll get obsessive!

Well first of all you need to stop looking at her Facebook etc. All that does is make you feel like cr*p right? So why do it? Secondly stop thinking about what she might be doing or if she is with someone because it is out of your control Then you need to not let yourself do all the stupid stuff like calling , texting etc. as that will only push her away further and you will only lose your dignity.

Read the link in my signature to get an insight into "What to expect when you get dumped" it has helped many people before.

How can I prepare myself for either outcome when I see her? I know deep down that its likely to be a "It's over for good... for now" kind of reaction.

I know I'm putting NC on hold for now until I see her, and I want to be in a position where when I hear those words, I'll have some sort of closure and I can start to move on with my life (if the reaction is the opposite, I'd be happily shocked).

Any tips?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jomore

How can I prepare myself for either outcome when I see her? I know deep down that its likely to be a "It's over for good... for now" kinda reaction.

Well Joe I'm going to give you my honest opinion. She flat out refuses to see you (your words) so why would you even want to go and see her? I know you say you need closure so I can only assume this is the only reason , well if that's the case go if you are prepared for the let down. And just remember she will probably resent you more because of it. It's going to be awkward.
She has made her mind up and to be honest be prepared that there might be someone else sorry. That's not necessarily the case but its obviously possible.

Having said that if you MUST go then make sure you stay cool and calm , losing control either angrily or breaking down and crying etc. will only make you look weak in her eyes.