A couple of years ago I was introduced to a guy 'P' who happens to me very close friends of my good friends 'A' & 'C'.

After my horrible ex and I split we became quite close as he provided me with great support and good advice as he had been in my position before himself. Things progressed and we started seeing each other - but this faded out because I was not ready toget into anything heavey (my ex left me in a right mess - as you have probably read in my other threads).

So after a while of not seeing eacother we eventually got back on track and became friends again.

He has a girlfriend 'R' now - they have been together for ages but he is paranoid that 'R' is cheating on him etc but he never does anything about it. (anyway that's a different story).

We went out with 'A' and her partner 'M' to catch up one day. We were having a lovely time. 'A' & 'M' left earlier and 'P' asked me if I wanted to stay out as he was not ready to go home - so I said "why not".

We were out drinking - so he offered ti walk me home - I accepted because I did not have enough cash on me to get a taxi.

I gave him a hug before I went in and he went to kiss me - he reached my lips but I pulled away (this is all before I got with Pete) and he siad "I shouldn't be doing this" he went home and then text me asking me not to tell anyone what had happened so I agreed.

He has since text me about the times we had together -telling me what he would love to do to me - that I have a really fit body etc etc etc.

I am horrified that he is doing this. I have totally backed off and have not seen or text him since - but that's all he ever texts me. Then asks me not to tell anyone. He knows I won't play ball because I have told him so.

But I just sometimes wish I could talk to 'A' or 'C' about it. I hate that we cannot be just close friends like before. Am I doing the right thing keeping it quiet?? My thoughts were why say anything and disrupt peoples licves when I handled the situation?? But my current thoughts now is what if he does the same with another girl behind 'R's' back.

I don't understand his behaviour.

I know it's not my place to say anything to 'R' and I certainly cannot tell 'p' what to do - only voice my opinion and let him use it the way he chooses to. But I guess what I want to understand is why he would do something like that? He is usually a lovely guy with a complete heart of gold? So why all of a sudden become an arsehole? That's my question?

That is a very hard situation to deal with because you can't make anyone happy in it. If you tell then the whole world is against you for butting in and if you don't tell then the whole world wants to punish you for not saying something. You know what? I don't buy this don't tell mind your own business crap when it comes to people being unfaithful. In these days and times there are too many dangers. Every time a person goes out and cheats on their partner they are putting their partner in danger because there is something called diseases that can kill you. I say tell the person and save her from catching aids or something else just because he wanted to sleep around. When it comes to someone else's life and well being I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of me.

I suppose ought to get some proof. Can guarantee she won't believe me. I just don't want WW3 to break out.

Hi,
I wouldn't say anything. Take care of yourself, and it's great that you are thinking about others, and what could happen with this person, but it's their problem; not yours.
Don't make it your problem, too. I am sure you have enough on you already to be concerned with, much less worrying about someone else. If I can make it through each day, just one day at a time, with my own mistakes, learning, caring for me and my wife, I have made it through another day. Make sense?
I don't know why some men are "fools" around other women; but it happens. It's none of my business if a person with a "heart of gold" all of a sudden wants to fool around. That's their problem, not mine. If I knew I could change most things in this world that I know are wrong, I would change them. But, that won't happen!
Best of luck, and have a great day.

That's true. I highly doubt that he would ever tell her about the cheating so its okay if you tell her because someone has to. Now I'm not going to tell you that your friend won't be mad at you but this is someone's life we are talking about. Now you could talk to your friend about it but the girlfriend still needs to know.

I do have enough on my plate without adding to it and yes it is his problem. It's easy for me to put it to the back of my mind and carry on like normal. I guess I just don't get where my friend has gone. He has never been like this. But then I suppose people do change; or it could be that 'R' was cheating on him and admitted it and that's why he is behaving like. There may be underlying issues that he has chose not to tell me about - I don't know!

I just don't want him to text me thing like that anymore either especially now I am with Pete. I have nothing to hide where my phone is concerned and I am quite happy to share the messages I receive from friends with him. If I was sat cuddled up on the sofa with Pete and my phone went off and it was 'P' with another message telling me what he would like to do to me - what on earth would Pete think? He would probably think I was cheating on him from something.

I don't want to be put in that predicament.

Yes you are right. I guess it is his problem. It sounds to me like he's the one doing the cheating and he's trying to justify it by pretending to himself that his girlfriend is cheating. People that cheat do that all the time. Yes he could also be trying to get revenge. I always wondered why I didn't take all the chances I had to cheat on my ex husband after he kept cheating on me but then that's because I'm better than him. Definitely tell pete about it though because if you don't then it will make him think he can't trust you. Relationships are built on trust is what my daddy says.

I am a very open and honest person but I am loyal too. But I know I can trust Pete to keep it between us. So 'P' does not have to even know I told anyone about it. However when faced with parties etc and 'P' and 'R' are there - it might make things awkward for Pete - might cause conflict between them - god I worry way too much.

I see this kind of situation happen a lot with my buddies. They think too much about sex or hooking up with a girl that they really do like, and end up scaring them away because they push too much or too fast. I don't think that is really an age thing, its just some guys don't get it. I have ALWAYS let the girl control the phisical part of the relationship, and just follow her lead. I would say tell him that he is moving too fast for you, and if he doesn't get it then by bye. You said you are an honest person, so don't compromise that and just tell him. Some guys get it, and some don't. Good luck!!

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Originally Posted by DJ 'H'

I am a very open and honest person but I am loyal too. But I know I can trust Pete to keep it between us. So 'P' does not have to even know I told anyone about it. However when faced with parties etc and 'P' and 'R' are there - it might make things awkward for Pete - might cause conflict between them - god I worry way too much.

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A simple solution would be to stay out of everyone else's drama admit you made a mistake and move on in another direction.We all get caught up in stuff sometimes no shame in that as long as you can chalk it up and don't make the same mistake again.Now that 'P' has shown his true colors forget him and his text messages be strong about this and leave it alone as no good can come of informing his girlfriend about his behavior. Just stay out of their business.(she won't believe you,trust me)Time and common sense will carry you through this awkward situation! Behonest with Pete and leaveP&R alone!Good luck! :eek: