Ask Me Help Desk - " I deserve better " ?

All right well here's a tough one... I can't even solve it myself.

Well, I had this girlfriend , she was one of a kind.. I'm not going to go into how it all started. But I was CRAZY about this girl . She was everything to me . We dated for about 10 months, your going to think its nothing big, but it was everything. Every single day of our lives we would see each other, there wasn't a single day that we wouldn't. Well there came a time that we eventually broke up; her with me. I didn't know what to do, this wasn't the first breakup, we've had several breakups. I figured this breakup was like every other breakup but apparently it wasn't... two days after we broke up she started talking to someone else... believe me, it hurt like crazy. This has been the SECOND time she does this to me , with no meaning though... she said she did so because she had to get over me the first time... this time I have no idea why. Two weeks after our breakup the boy asked her out, this was a boy that I always had a bad vibe about, no matter what I would tell her throughout our relationship she would continue to talk to him. Now, they're going out and its been about a month since we broke up, I don't know why but I keep going for it.. she's kissed me recently and says that she still continues to love me and she hasn't gotten over me, but the things she does to me shows me otherwise, I don't know why she does these things.

She's told me several things that she may or may not mean, for example she deserves better and that he can actually treat her better than I can, she's told me to get out of her life.. and the thing is that I tell myself ill leave her alone but she comes back to me and tells me she's sorry I see her with him every other day.. in school. And believe me it hurts. No matter how hard I try to tell myself I won't talk to her ever again I end up going back to her. I'm out of ideas... I only want to be with her no matter what she's put me through.. what can I do ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sober_depression27

alright well heres a tough one...... i can't even solve it myself.

Well, i had this girlfriend , she was one of a kind.. im not going to go into how it all started. but i was CRAZY about this girl . she was everything to me . we dated for about 10 months, your going to think its nothing big, but it was everything. Every single day of our lives we would see eachother, there wasnt a single day that we wouldnt. Well there came a time that we eventually broke up; her with me. I didnt know what to do, this wasnt the first breakup, we've had several breakups. i figured this breakup was like every other breakup but apparently it wasnt... two days after we broke up she started talking to someone else.... believe me, it hurt like crazy. this has been the SECOND time she does this to me , with no meaning though ... she said she did so because she had to get over me the first time... this time i have no idea why. Two weeks after our breakup the boy asked her out, this was a boy that i always had a bad vibe about, no matter what i would tell her throughout our relationship she would continue to talk to him. Now, theyre going out and its been about a month since we broke up, i dont know why but i keep going for it.. shes kissed me recently and says that she still continues to love me and she hasnt gotten over me, but the things she does to me shows me otherwise, i dont know why she does these things.

Shes told me several things that she may or may not mean, for example she deserves better and that he can actually treat her better than i can, shes told me to get out of her life.. and the thing is that i tell myself ill leave her alone but she comes back to me and tells me shes sorry i see her with him every other day.. in school. and believe me it hurts. no matter how hard i try to tell myself i wont talk to her ever again i end up going back to her. im out of ideas... i only want to be with her no matter what shes put me through.. what can i do ?

This is the second time that she has gone after another guy once breaking up with you, right? Has it been the same guy both times? Also, you said that her excuse for going after the guy the first time was to get over you... so you broke up with her the first time?

That's a toughie.. I'd say that you deserve better, not her. Try to test the waters of other people... you're still in school so there is probably a ton of girls around that you should try to connect with. Make her feel jealous for once

You need to stop all communication with her. If she initiates the conversation, then fine, you can speak to her, but you need to get yourself to a point where you are totally confident in yourself that you can talk to her without any feelings involved. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but she no longer wants you. Just listen to the things she said that he can do, that you don't/can't. It doesn't even matter what he is able to do... the point is that she is comparing you to someone else, and forgetting about all of the other things you may have done for her over the past 10 months. If she honestly cared, then she first of all, would have never broken up with you a SECOND time, and she sure as he! Wouldn't be with another guy already after such a short period.

I see that you are new posting to the site, as I was when I first posted, and I will tell you now, that something you will need to get used to hearing is NO CONTACT!. and take it from me, this is a phrase you need to take seriously. You need to have no contact with her, or at least no contact that you initiate. Should she initiate contact at school, that is nothing that you can control... but what you can do, is keep it short, and always tell her that you have somewhere that you have to be or something that you have to do. Sure, your heart is telling you that you want to stay there and talk to her forever and ever, because that is what you are used to, but this will only make things worse for you.

Regardless of the circumstances, you deserve better than her, and you need to make yourself aware of that. You need to occupy your time doing things for you. Take down all o her pictures and put them in a box with everything you may have that reminds you of her, and start fresh. It sucks, believe, most of the people on this site, myself included, know how much it sucks... but with the right motivation and through the help of each other, we all get through this. Keep your head up realize that she really doesn't know what she wants, and realize that it sucks for the other guy that she is with now, because he probably doesn't even know that he is her rebound. It may last long between them, but odds are against them, and chances are he will be wearing your nike's soon.

I agree with casper! Make her jealous for once! Look around you man I'm sure there are better looking women out there with way better personalities! You DO deserve better! Any girl who will play with a guy like she is you shouldn't be allowed to date! If she can't stand you she needs to stop talking to you!

Come on man open your eyes! There are other fish in the sea.

This sounds similar to my situation.. dated 10 months, several break ups ( 4 now ).. but there isn't another guy (I think ) and she's cut off all contact with me.. which I guess is a + for me, but it hurts..

But yes I agree with Holeinheart21, cut off all contact.. I'm sure it hurts a lot, because even now I'm hurting, though its only been a week.

You deserve better, and you even realized this yourself, you might want her back, but you know it isn't right.

I feel the same way my man.

From what people have told me,

No contact + time.

Time heals all wounds.