Hi this is a first time for me . I need some help I have been married for 13 years to a man who loves his children and wife. But is so verbal abusive that my son is now verbal to me like my husband treats me. He can be the most loving husband and dad that you could ever ask for and the next minute he just loses it throws things around yells and says such horrible things to where the kids start to cry I am at my wits end I do not want my children to grow up like this I do not know what to do. My children are starting to act just like him the way they respond to me sometimes I feel like pond scum I know this is not making sense and I am going in circles I just do not know what to say or how to explain it can any one else understand.

IT sounds like your husband needs a wake up call. Does he even acknowledge the problem. Is he aware of what he is doing?
I would seek out counseling. You and your kids deserve more and better.

Is this a fairly new behavior, that something medically has changed with him?

Is he a drinker? If so, is that what kicks off this bad behavior?

How do you react when this happens?

Paddle,

What an apt handle for this post.

Hi, first, nip the children's behavior in the bud. When the little mouths open and start being disrespectful to you, tell them that you are their mother and you will tolerate absolutely no back talk for your own children. Put them to bed or somewhere out of your sight and tell dad, that he has another problem to deal with since he created it.

On the subject of dad, I believe that he no longer loves you or the children. I make that statement because I have to wonder at how someone can love another and yet treat them like trash.

If he starts yelling and fussing at you again, calmly tell him in a low voice that his behavior is disgusting. Tell him in a low voice and if he asks what you said, repeat it in a low voice and keep doing that until he gets control of himself and asks you in a more normal tone.

This belligerence must end, or you must separate from the family for at least a short time. Please consider calling a Spousal Abuse Center and follow their directions. Let them know up front that you are not willing to file for divorce at this time. Hopefully they can direct you far better than I.

No way do you take this abuse and as you can see how this affects the children's behavior, he has to go. It's that simple, as this behavior will not be tolerated. Rein those kids in, and make no bones about handing out consequences for their own behavior. No one can kick you in the butt unless you bend over, so stand up to all who cannot respect you. No exceptions!!