My husband and I have been married almost two years. He battles with depression and drugs. His sister is bipolar and always takes him in when we fight. She then tells me he is not staying with her, but then I find out he was. She hides him. Well, we had a fight 8 weeks ago and he took off on foot. He came to the house a few days later when I was not home and took most of his clothing. I have not heard from him since. His family clai,s they don't know where he is. Two weeks ago his sister called me to tell me he brought himself to a rehab. She claims she doesn't know where he is. Her car has been missing, in which che said she sold it a week ago. It has been gone from her condo since he left.
My question is... how do I tell if while he has been gone, if he has cheated on me? How do I find him? We have been in love for 24 years. We dated when he was 17 and I was 20. We found each other 4 years ago. We are soulmates.

It doesn't sound like he wishes for you to find him. That does not mean he's cheating on you though. So what if he did? What if he shows up, needing your support, does it matter if he cheated? The man is struggling with depression and drug addiction. You love him. Make sure that you are there and doing well if and when he comes back. Unless he picks up AIDS or Hepatitis C I wouldn't care who he was with. I'd be glad he was back.

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Originally Posted by simoneaugie

It doesn't sound like he wishes for you to find him. That does not mean he's cheating on you though. So what if he did? What if he shows up, needing your support, does it matter if he cheated? The man is struggling with depression and drug addiction. You love him. Make sure that you are there and doing well if and when he comes back. Unless he picks up AIDS or Hepatitis C I wouldn't care who he was with. I'd be glad he was back.

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Thank you. I guess my insecurity is flaring. I do love him and support him 150%. I wish I had a phone call or something that will let me know he is OK, or if he will come back to me.

It sounds to me that he needs some time apart from you (and you from him) , and probably everyone else! The best thing you can do is try to go about your day to day life as normal and not spend too much time thinking about him... I know that's easier said then done but persevere! I'm sure he will be back and maybe (hopefully) he has checked himself into rehab! Hang on in there... no news is good news as they say (",)
Kiki

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Originally Posted by Barbid

My husband and I have been married almost two years. He battles with depression and drugs. His sister is bipolar and always takes him in when we fight. She then tells me he is not staying with her, but then i find out he was. She hides him. Well, we had a fight 8 weeks ago and he took off on foot. He came to the house a few days later when I was not home and took most of his clothing. I have not heard from him since. His family clai,s they don't know where he is. two weeks ago his sister called me to tell me he brought himself to a rehab. She claims she doesn't know where he is. Her car has been missing, in which che said she sold it a week ago. It has been gone from her condo since he left.
My question is...how do I tell if while he has been gone, if he has cheated on me? How do I find him? We have been in love for 24 years. We dated when he was 17 and I was 20. We found each other 4 years ago. We are soulmates.

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There are two sides to this. On the one hand you love him and care for him but he is a drug addict with a ton of issues. Sure you may be able to help but not without years of ridiculous effort. On the other hand you realize he is pretty much a huge red flag. He sounds like a very bad person to be with in a relationship. Now your married so you can't just turn your back but you have to stand strong. My advice to you would be to tell him that he has to change or he will lose you. Then stick to that. If you see him again-which using "if" is a huge indication that this is going to continue and cause you to lose years of your life- then tell him that you can't continue like this. We know his family is pretty much careless and somewhat destructive themselves, so it may be necessary to involve maybe mutual friends, or even have him somehow sent to rehab through some sort of intervention. Contact local rehabilitation centers and see what you can do. I will stress that it will probably not be easy for him to choose to change. It will be a very difficult situation for you to handle. You will need help. Now if he is in fact in rehab then wait it out. See if he comes back in better shape. Maybe he is running because he knew he had to handle it on his own. Whatever the case may be, you have to make sure he doesn't destroy your sanity along with his. Good luck.

You might think that you are soulmates, but in my opinion, you are co-dependent...

Sorry, but with a life that you have lived so far, it seems you need him more than he needs you and he is finally doing something about it.

May I suggest that you talk to a professional about your issue and get a better perspective of what type of life you want to continue to lead?

The only reason you fear that he is cheating on you is because you probably don't want to admit that he just plainly wants to escape the life he has had and wants a new chance.

No matter what his reason, I hope he gets himself together enough to contact you and tell you the truth so that you can make better plans for your own future.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.
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Wow! Thank you all for the information and opinions. I am proud that he has decided to get the help that he needs. When and if he comes back, because I love him, I will try to help him as much as I can... though my mental sanity is unstable due to the stress he has put me through. I will support him, but, this is up to him to want to make this new life work. Thank you all of you. Best of luck to us!

I think that you should also get counseling over this, and try to work out if this is really love or what else it may be. Since to be honest if this does not sound like love to me. So if he is working on his issues, even if you don't think you have some, you need to work on finding a life also where you deserve to be treated a lot better and not put up with being treated like you have been

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Originally Posted by Barbid

My husband and I have been married almost two years. He battles with depression and drugs. His sister is bipolar and always takes him in when we fight. She then tells me he is not staying with her, but then i find out he was. She hides him. Well, we had a fight 8 weeks ago and he took off on foot. He came to the house a few days later when I was not home and took most of his clothing. I have not heard from him since. His family clai,s they don't know where he is. two weeks ago his sister called me to tell me he brought himself to a rehab. She claims she doesn't know where he is. Her car has been missing, in which che said she sold it a week ago. It has been gone from her condo since he left.
My question is...how do I tell if while he has been gone, if he has cheated on me? How do I find him? We have been in love for 24 years. We dated when he was 17 and I was 20. We found each other 4 years ago. We are soulmates.

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Apparently you have chose to grow up and he has'nt. Anytime a grown man still drags his family inyo his personal life there will always be problems. He has to many problem that he is trying to deal with on his own. You cannot help nor save someone who don't want to be. If he doesn't have the decency to let you know that he is all right or his whereabouts then maybe you just have more soul in you than your "mate"has in him.

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Originally Posted by Barbid

Wow!! Thank you all for the information and opinions. I am proud that he has decided to get the help that he needs. When and if he comes back, because i love him, I will try to help him as much as I can....though my mental sanity is unstable due to the stress he has put me through. I will support him, but, this is up to him to want to make this new life work. Thank you all of you. Best of luck to us!!

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Maybe you think luck has a lot to do with it, but dear, it's the choices in life that we make that influence what the turnout results are. So.. please see if you can receive some professional help yourself to gain strength and support. You do love him but you also need to learn to love yourself and most of all love your children and respect their rights in deserving a mother who will be there for them too. Children, not partners are the greatest gifts in life, and we have to to our best to help them on their way in the journey of life - set examples and help set morals. What are you teaching them now? So.. to show support for him and the kids, you need help in getting your strength so that you will not break down while trying to be strong for all others.

I wish you a lot of strength, and luck in all of your plans for the future.

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His actions do not warrant you giving up your health and good reason. If he deals with his problems by leaving you in the dark, then take that as a red flag that he is not your soulmate, nor a good relationship partner. He obviously doesn't think you can help, nor is he concerned for your feelings or wellbeing. Sorry, but you must love yourself enough to put yourself first. If you need professional help to do this, please get it ASAP!!

You are all right. My love for him will never die, but my strength has. I will seek support groups and someone to talk to about this. It has been 2 months today and my heart is broken. There is no reason, wherever he is, that he can't pick up a phone. Our wedding anniversary is 12/31 also. The holidays will be hard... but I do need to talk to others to get through this and to get on with my life. Thank you all. I will keep you all posted. :)

Barbid..

Good for you. I think you have made the right choice, and it will be hard.

We want you to know that we will be here for you too, so don't feel alone. There is always someone here, even over the holidays.

You have our support no matter what your choices.

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Thank you. That means soooooooo much to me. God Bless all!