Ask Me Help Desk - I feel so alone and empty

I'm 22yrs and pregnant my boyfriend is still with me but I feel so alone the thing is I never really wanted this baby cause me and him have been having problems with his drinking and the fact that he won't go out with me he rather go out with his friends and leaves me alone cause we leave together.He works a lot and when he is free he goes out with his friends and not me.Nowadays when I ask him he asks if I want him to sit with me and stare at all day I mean we don't have to stare at each other we can go out or something.Now that I'm so big I feel so alone not forgetting the fact that I don't think I'm ready to be a mother but I can't share my feelings with him cause he is never here.I love him a lot but lately it seems as if I'm the only one in this relationship cause he never seem to mind when we won't spend time together,before we moved in together we used to go out a lot,spend time together he always wanted to see me but now all that has changed I don't know why.Is it me or what.

I know he loves me he always tells me that but why won't he go out with me.He is not much of a communicator so I don't know what to say to him cause I always nag him and he never really answer me he'd rather say I act like this because I'm pregnant I'm starting to believe it too.I don't know if it's the fact that we've been together for 9yrs or what.The guy never buys me presents,takes me out or anything he used to do that a lot now everything is changed that's some of the things we've been fighting about before finding out I was pregnant.He says the reason he's always gone is because I'm always complaining when I'm with him,can't he just give me one weekend and maybe just maybe I'll stop nagging him.I feel so confused and sad.The thing is I'm someone who never talks a lot he is my best friend I tell him every little thing that goes on in my life,I never share my problems with my friends or my sister.Now that I'm pregnant its worse cause now my family expects us to get married and all but he on the other hand feels he isn't ready for that I mean the guy is 28yrs with a baby on the way how old must he be before he becomes ready.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flyone

I'm 22yrs and pregnant my boyfriend is still with me but i feel so alone the thing is i never really wanted this baby cause me and him have been having problems with his drinking and the fact that he won't go out with me he rather go out with his friends and leaves me alone cause we leave together.He works a lot and when he is free he goes out with his friends and not me.Nowadays when i ask him he asks if i want him to sit with me and stare at all day i mean we don't have to stare at each other we can go out or something.Now that i'm so big i feel so alone not forgetting the fact that i don't think i'm ready to be a mother but i can't share my feelings with him cause he is never here.I love him a lot but lately it seems as if i'm the only one in this relationship cause he never seem to mind when we won't spend time together,before we moved in together we used to go out a lot,spend time together he always wanted to see me but now all that has changed i don't know why.Is it me or what.

I know he loves me he always tells me that but why won't he go out with me.He is not much of a communicator so i don't know what to say to him cause i always nag him and he never really answer me he'd rather say i act like this because im pregnant i'm starting to believe it too.I don't know if its the fact that we've been together for 9yrs or what.The guy never buys me presents,takes me out or anything he used to do that a lot now everything is changed thats some of the things we've been fighting about before finding out i was pregnant.He says the reason he's always gone is because im always complaining when im with him,can't he just give me one weekend and maybe just maybe i'll stop nagging him.I feel so confused and sad.The thing is im someone who never talks a lot he is my best friend i tell him every little thing that goes on in my life,i never share my problems with my friends or my sister.Now that im pregnant its worse cause now my family expects us to get married and all but he on the other hand feels he isn't ready for that i mean the guy is 28yrs with a baby on the way how old must he be before he becomes ready.

Both of you may love each other but are not "in love" with each other. If he was really into you, he would be there for you no matter what. Having a baby is a big responsibility and if he cann't give up his friends for you and the baby, he is not that into you. I never got pregnant (could not), but I too thought I loved some men who didn't treat me the way I should have been treated. I wised up and got the book "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt. Trust me, it can open your eyes.
Don't be afraid of leaving him. If you are not ready to be a single parent, there are plenty of really good people who want to adopt, I know.
You are not alone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flyone

I'm 22yrs and pregnant my boyfriend is still with me but i feel so alone the thing is i never really wanted this baby cause me and him have been having problems with his drinking and the fact that he won't go out with me he rather go out with his friends and leaves me alone cause we leave together.He works a lot and when he is free he goes out with his friends and not me.Nowadays when i ask him he asks if i want him to sit with me and stare at all day i mean we don't have to stare at each other we can go out or something.Now that i'm so big i feel so alone not forgetting the fact that i don't think i'm ready to be a mother but i can't share my feelings with him cause he is never here.I love him a lot but lately it seems as if i'm the only one in this relationship cause he never seem to mind when we won't spend time together,before we moved in together we used to go out a lot,spend time together he always wanted to see me but now all that has changed i don't know why.Is it me or what.

I know he loves me he always tells me that but why won't he go out with me.He is not much of a communicator so i don't know what to say to him cause i always nag him and he never really answer me he'd rather say i act like this because im pregnant i'm starting to believe it too.I don't know if its the fact that we've been together for 9yrs or what.The guy never buys me presents,takes me out or anything he used to do that a lot now everything is changed thats some of the things we've been fighting about before finding out i was pregnant.He says the reason he's always gone is because im always complaining when im with him,can't he just give me one weekend and maybe just maybe i'll stop nagging him.I feel so confused and sad.The thing is im someone who never talks a lot he is my best friend i tell him every little thing that goes on in my life,i never share my problems with my friends or my sister.Now that im pregnant its worse cause now my family expects us to get married and all but he on the other hand feels he isn't ready for that i mean the guy is 28yrs with a baby on the way how old must he be before he becomes ready.

I feel your pain and confusion. I sense you are strongly affected by all the emotional things going on in your life right now.

I am going to bite right at the bone here.
The biggest issue first. The impending baby. Do either of you want to raise the baby? Are you prepared to do it alone if he leaves you? Do you have the family support and network you need to raise a baby alone (even if he is "with you
' if he is unhappy you might still be alone.)
Experience tells me that having a baby doesn't make a man love you or change into this fabulous partner, father or husband.
As time is ticking you need to make some decisions, part of being an adult is making adult choices. Becoming a mother means you will need to start making choice based on the needs of your baby first and then you.
Will you?
Keep the baby?
Place the baby in foster care until you can regain a sense of control of your life?
Place the baby up for adoption?
Give the baby to a family member to raise?
Do you have somewhere to love if you and the father split up (assuming you live together)
Will your parents support you financially, emotionally and physically?
Will the fathers parents be involved in the baby's care/life?

Secondly, your relationship.
Have you ever heard the term comfy sweater? You have something's so long, it may not fit right or be any good, but you know its comfy and cosy, so you keep it around. Are you keeping a comfy sweater around or are you someone else's comfy sweater?

Have you two been together so long you've forgotten how to love?
What are the pro's and con's of staying together versus being apart?
Do you two need to get some counseling-are you both eager and willing to fix the problems and concerns in your relationship?
Is he/ are you looking for something better? In life, in a person?
Do you need to free yourself of some baggage in order to move to the next phase of your life?
Do you need a complete new start for a complete new life?

I truly hope you find the strength in your heart to make some decisions about your future and your baby's future. They are the two most prominent things in your world at the moment. Good luck and love yourself first, because you deserve it!