Originally Posted by holeinheart21
Note: To put this out there before I begin to comment on this situation, I am in no way supportive of physical abuse
I have to say that I cannot wholeheartedly agree with some of the posts on here. This situation needs to be analyzed slightly more than I think it has been.
First of all, some of the replies referred to your boyfriend being an alcoholic, but you never mentioned that he was, nor did you mention anything that would indicate that he was. What was said was that he had been drinking all day, on this particular date. It is not uncharacteristic of even mature adults to do this on holidays and on days off, on occasion.....this does not indicate that he is an alcoholic.
Secondly, many of his actions were as a result of being intoxicated. In no way does that justify his actions, but it does further explain the reason for his actions and reactions. He stated that he was "....drunk....and will do whatever the f* I want". The fact that he stated that he was drunk here, shows that he obviously was heavily affected by the alcohol at this point, because generally people do not admit to being drunk, but rather deny it, until they reach a point beyond their own control.
Thirdly, unless you are his mother or guardian, there is no reason for you to take the cigarette out of his mouth. You should have asked him to put the cigarette out before you TOOK IT out of his mouth and snapped it in half. Sure, chances are that considering his state of mind, he most likely wouldn't have done it, but the point was that you were showing respect by showing that you are aware that you can't tell him what to do. The reason for this, is that you now violated the fact that you are NOT his mother or is guardian, but are going to tell him what he can and cannot do. This is actually the initiation of the physical contact right here. Sure, you didn't kick him or hit him, but you did invade his personal space and and initiate the physical contact.
Fourthly, to follow that up, you decided to pour his drink out. So, again you invaded his personal space and again you took something that was his and did whatever you wanted with it. So, you kicked him once( figuratively speaking), and now you just kicked him again. But you didn't stop there...... then you took his bottle of Vodka, and decided that you were going to pour it out. It doesn't even matter that it was vodka, it could have been diet soda, the point is that you now had him down on the ground and you were just continuing to kick him. But you didn't stop there. When he poured another drink, you AGAIN TOOK IT AND POURED IT DOWN THE TOILET! You were taking HIS things, and doing whatever you wanted to, so you had basically stooped to his drunken level and were acting in the same way. So, he kicked you, which was the exact same thing that you had just done to him three times. Remember, I DON'T support physical abuse, but he didn't continue to kick you and beat you after that, so although he did make physical contact, you did as well when you took his cigarette and his drink. Its not as though he crossed any lines that you didn't cross.
As far as him saying to have fun with whatever guy you were going to see.....that was a response to the small argument you had just had.....People say that all the time, and sure, its annoying, and if you were going to have a basis for leaving this guy, the fact that you don't think that he trusts you would probably be it. This indicates that he may have some form of doubts in his mind or he may just have an insecurity and his was of getting that out is by stating that he thinks you are cheating. I would talk to him about that, especially if this is something that he says all the time, because, oddly enough, something as simple as that, could be the reason for many things that occur, even possibly the way he reacted the night of this incident.
People say that you should leave because he kicked you this first time, and you should never stick around to be kicked again, but in this situation, I believe that is jumping to conclusions. You said he is never violent with you, and it must be taken in to account the number of things you did prior to him kicking you. I think that kicking you was a poor choice on his account, and if he had continue to beat you or did this regularly, I would tell you in a heartbeat to get the he!! out.......but I think this was just an error on his part, and if you are able to talk it out with him and level with him on the things you both did that night, I think the two of you can be fine.
