:confused:

Hello, I am 17 years old and I have been together with a black man that is 25 for a little over a year now. He lives with me and does not work.has my car all day while I'm at work. He drinks almost everyday of the week, and has a history of doing drugs, he has went to rehab before for his problem. His family also has a alcohol problem so if its possible it runs through the family ?I ask him to stop I hear I will over & over again and I always get let down. It is becoming a problem, he likes to argue a lot with me when he gets drunk and gets mad about things that aren't even there. He likes to turn things around and blame it on me like I'm the one with the problem because he won't take my concerns into consideration. If he don't want to hear it its considered argueing. I can't even talk to him any more. Sometimes I believe him and I do think that the reason why we argue is my fault but I know deep down in side he is wrong. We have even gotten violent before and we have put our hands on each other but when he is not drinking we get along fine.. :confused: my friends encourage me to break up with him but I feel like if I do I will loose everything because I am not very close to my family, I have no friends, his whole family see's that I am to good to him so why don't he see it? So he is my everything. I am no longer in school and I really don't have any friends my age. I myself am on anti-depressants and I believe he is suffering from manic depression and I believe he drinks and he thinks all his problems will go away. HELP I am confused and don't know what to do. I feel like he is just taking me for granted and walking all over me if I don't ever speak up and say things about the stuff I don't like. He tells me that I can't accept him the ways he is. I don't know if that is true? What should I DO?

What do you really have with him to lose? You need to break up with him cause it only gets worse and harder to leave. You will always find excuses to stay and through the years it gets harder to leave even though you have more desire to leave. It is harder because your life becomes more tied up in his and so forth. Picture yourself with him years from now and he is still the same or worse. What will you do then that you aren't now? How can you picture it any better. It is clear he is happy where he is at and he will not get help until HE gets sick of it and the odds of that are slim to none.
You are better to get away and find a new life and friends for yourself. He will survive and you will do better.

What in the world are you two living on, since he does not work? I agree with NoHelp - what do you really think you have to lose here? All I can see is an abusive, alcoholic man. Not a great loss. More like a weight lifted off your shoulder. When do you think enough is enough - when he has laid his hands on you and broken your jaw and collarbone, or thrown you down the stairs and broken your hip, or taken a kitchen knife and stabbed you repeatedly?

You need to talk to someone at a women's shelter or abuse crisis center or some kind of intervention place like that. And to do it NOW - not next week or after the holidays.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nicolieolie5990

:confused:

Hello, I am 17 years old and I have been together with a black man that is 25 for a little over a year now. he lives with me and does not work.has my car all day while i'm at work. He drinks almost everyday of the week, and has a history of doing drugs, he has went to rehab before for his problem. his family also has a alcohol problem so if its possible it runs through the family ?I ask him to stop i hear I will over & over again and i always get let down. It is becoming a problem, he likes to argue alot with me when he gets drunk and gets mad about things that aren't even there. He likes to turn things around and blame it on me like i'm the one with the problem because he wont take my concerns into consideration. If he dont want to hear it its considered argueing. i can't even talk to him any more. sometimes i believe him and i do think that the reason why we argue is my fault but i know deep down in side he is wrong. We have even gotten violent before and we have put our hands on each other but when he is not drinking we get along fine.. :confused: my friends encourage me to break up with him but i feel like if i do i will loose everything because i am not very close to my family, i have no friends, his whole family see's that i am to good to him so why don't he see it? so he is my everything. i am no longer in school and i really dont have any friends my age. i myself am on anti-depressants and i believe he is suffering from manic depression and i belive he drinks and he thinks all his problems will go away. HELP i am confused and don't know what to do. I feel like he is just taking me for granted and walking all over me if i dont ever speak up and say things about the stuff i dont like. he tells me that i can't accept him the ways he is. I dont know if that is true? What should I DO?!

---

You are too young and beautiful to be dealing with this. You have too much goodness in you and too much ahead of you to be brought down by this. But I do know how desperate it can be to have no family or friends and be needing a man for your survival. I have done it.

You have shown character, beyond your years if you avoided slipping into using alcohol or drugs to wick away the pain and torment.

This character, your boyfriend needs help, but not from you. And he is not your responsibility. No, you should not accept him the way he is, no-one should accept an alcoholic abuser into their lives. No-one is worth being used, abused and made to feel worthless and denied.

Love is not what he is giving you, stability isn't either, it's a roof, by the sounds of it and that's all.
Even if you are not religious, a lot of religious organizations can help you, churches take in and help girls in your situation, however don't take advantage of them or go back and forth, get out of your town if you need a fresh break and get help from a church, a minister, a clergyman, a youth counselor, even if you 'play along' with their beliefs for a while, it is better than playing 'the devils dog' to a man that at his age should know better than to use and abuse a girl, so young with a good heart. Unfortunately there are people everywhere who will want to use and abuse you. So you need to get some support, knowledge and skills to avoid them, build yourself up and get on with living your life in a healthy productive environment.

Believe me because I know I've been there. For your Boyfriend to stop drinking he has got to want to stop, and stay stopped, both of which are not easy. You are living your life around someone who has an addiction, a very powerful one at that. Alcohol addiction can be more powerful than for some Heroin. You cannot fix him, he can only fix himself. You have feelings for this guy outside his addiction, but it is his addiction that rules the roost.
Like any addiction which is an adult problem, it is children who suffer the consequence of it. They are the silent victims in all of it. My advice to you is get away from this person, and stay away for good.

nick123b UK