Ask Me Help Desk - Losing control?

Prior to leaving for my 3rd tour, I had a lot of patience with everyone to include kids and family. But since I have returned from my latest tour across the pond I've begun to notice that my patience is pretty much gone. I snap at my wife for simple things, I'm not as patient with my 4 yr old girl, and can only hold my son who is 1 for only a couple of minutes while he's crying before I HAVE to put him down before I seriously hurt him. I also am really starting to just hate where I am in life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to kill myself or anything, but I hate it. What's more is, I'm headed for another tour in 2 months. My Wife and I are getting into more arguments during the week, and I'm really starting to wonder why I married her. Is it because I'm trying to distance myself from my family again in preparation for the next trip? Or do I just hate her? Or a little of both? I'm wishing I was always somewhere else, But I love my kids to the ends of the earth and never want to leave them. I'm one of those guys that doesn't loose control... ever. I'm laid back and have been told by other people that they've never met a more laid back person. I think I'm more confused than anything... I don't know. By now, If you've gotten this far your wondering where's the question. I'm not sure there is one, just looking for someone to listen more than anything. Someone from the outside to tell me if I'm in need of some real help. Any advice is welcome but none is expected. Thanks

First of all just let me tell you that I admire the fact that you are in the service and have stuck with it this long. It takes a lot of patience. Some people can't handle it. (Believe me I know. I was only in the army for six months and took the first oppurtunity to get out.)

I can't offer much on if I think you need "help" or not but I will say that it wouldn't hurt to see a counselor. I recommend that to everyone. We all have to deal with everyday stress and sometimes it gets to us. There are a few amazing people out there that have the ability to just brush it off and forget things as if they never happened. But I know I can't do that. I love to try to but I never succeed. For example, yesterday was my birthday and my boyfriend didn't get me anything. He didn't even try. So I got pissed and slept on the couch all night long so I didn't have to see him when I woke up. If you think about it, it's not really that big of a deal, I just blew it out of poportion.

He's just as stressed as I am. Between work and moving and dealing with his bipolar girlfriend. It's hard on the poor guy but he deals with it.

I guess what I'm getting at is, I don't think you hate your wife. You are just both so damn stressed out that you are taking it out on each other. Loved ones are an easy target and it causes a lot of negative conseqences for everyone. Just try and take a deep breath and ask yourself, "do I really need to be upset about this?"

I know I'm not much help but I am also here to listen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rotorhead28

Prior to leaving for my 3rd tour, I had a lot of patience with everyone to include kids and family. But since I have returned from my latest tour across the pond I've begun to notice that my patience is pretty much gone. I snap at my wife for simple things, I'm not as patient with my 4 yr old girl, and can only hold my son who is 1 for only a couple of minutes while he's crying before I HAVE to put him down before I seriously hurt him. I also am really starting to just hate where I am in life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to kill myself or anything, but I hate it. What's more is, I'm headed for another tour in 2 months. My Wife and I are getting into more arguments during the week, and I'm really starting to wonder why I married her. Is it because I'm trying to distance myself from my family again in preparation for the next trip? Or do I just hate her? Or a little of both? I'm wishing i was always somewhere else, But I love my kids to the ends of the earth and never want to leave them. I'm one of those guys that doesn't loose control...ever. I'm laid back and have been told by other people that they've never met a more laid back person. I think I'm more confused than anything.....I don't know. By now, If you've gotten this far your wondering where's the question. I'm not sure there is one, just looking for someone to listen more than anything. Someone from the outside to tell me if I'm in need of some real help. Any advice is welcome but none is expected. Thanks

I am involved with the military too. First of all, let me thank you for your courage and service.
Let me assure you your feelings are so normal. You are not a horrible person, husband, father-anything.
You have been in a war zone, you have experienced separation from reality. I am not sure which branch of the military you serve with, but I do know each has treatment for PTSD.
An active duty serviceman recently admitted to me to having PTSD from 4 years ago-it is still with him and he hasn't had it treated. Although he has started to admit to himself that he does, in fact suffer from it.

It is a possibility that you are evaluating you life and you are entitled to do that. Arguing and uncomfortable feelings with people are symptoms, not problems.
Please don't feel that you are at fault, everyone needs to stand back and take a look at their life and war and trauma can force us to do just this.

Read a pamphlet or website on PTSD and see if any of the symptoms match what you are feeling. Get some guidance from trained professionals.

Or, like others I know, Let it get worse, ignore it, increase the drama, the trouble , the guilt, assure yourself it will resolve itself, blame others, hurt your family... this sounds harsh, but it's the possible future screenplay for those who deny/ignore/wish away PTSD symptoms.

I truly wish you the best, I hope you get some comfort and resolve some feelings. Good luck and thank you for answering the call to service.