I've been told that urges could be controlled by some Role Playing, so I though I would create this post for all of us. The holidays are upon us and that's going to prove to be a difficult time for most of us here. A lot of us will be tempted to break NC and take us back to square one. In the interests of maitaining NC, Just type here what you feel about your ex in any form you like (letter, text message, IM, anything you want) it's a good way to get things off your chest and be able to stay on the road to healing. I hope it's something that will be of help

I'm going to start the ball rolling with an e-mail that I have saved in my draft folder to my ex boyfriend. Instead of sending it to him I'm just going to post it here. That way I can say what I need to say without causing any more pain to myself.

Jeremy, On my way home from work today I stopped at Wal Mart. I ran into Jen (remember her and Kelly) she asked me if you and I had ever set a date to get married. I held on to my composure long enough to tell her what happened between us and then make my way to the car to cry. Seeing her caused everything to come flooding back.

I don't know what to do anymore. It's been so many months, but the pain just won't go away. I'm reminded of you almost every day. Whenever I go to places we went together, watch a movie or hear a song that we both liked, or smell your cologne on someone else, it causes an overwhelming heartache that I would never wish on anyone. Even when I'm at the Breakfast Club, if a car pulls in the lot that resembles yours, my heart skips a beat because I hope it might be you.

I know that tonight you'll be holding Misty in your arms the way that you held me, and making her feel the love that you made me feel. The thought of that makes it hard for me to even breathe. I want so much for it to be me. I honestly believed that you would never stop loving me, and I keep asking myself what I could have done to keep from losing your heart. You were the best relationship I had ever had and I I tried so hard to make you happy and be a good girlfriend to you. I guess I'm just not any good at relationships. I keep doing things wrong.

I just want to find something to make the hurt go away. My heart really can't stand any more of the strain. I want to feel good again, and feel happy the way that I did when I was with you. It's not normal for me to continue to feel this way and I'm so emotionally tired because of it. It dosen't help that I'm totally on my own now here at the house. I guess all I can do is pray for God to please help me through. I know that in a way I will always love you.

What a great idea Firefly , I actually don't need to vent anymore myself but I'm glad you got this out of your system and hope it helps you to refrain from sending it. Hopefully other people will come on here and use this thread to do just that.

Thank you so much friend4u, I really hope that it does help others. You're post on "what to expect when you get dumped" was such a big help to me and so many others. I just want to try to do my part. :)

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Originally Posted by little firefly

Thank you so much friend4u, i really hope that it does help others. You're post on "what to expect when you get dumped" was such a big help to me and so many others. i just want to try to do my part. :)

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My pleasure , and I'm glad my post helped you as well. Hang in there , there are always people to talk to on here either on the forum or by PM.

A letter to my ex?
Dear Dave,
So glad I can celebrate Christmas without you throwing out the tree, decorations, and gifts.

Phillip,
Sometimes when I'm sitting back watching something on TV even after 2 years I expect to see you laid out on the couch but you're not there any more. Those are the times when I realize there is a part of me missing….you. I think about the times even when we were no longer together when you'd say we were meant to be together and you will always love me, and you know I feel the same. I've tried so hard to hate you for giving up on me and turning to another woman but I can't even hate you for that. How can I hate you when it was me that pushed you away. If I had been more open about what I really wanted and why I wasn't ready to live together again, maybe you would have understood and none of this would have ever happened. I know you still love me. I know this because I see it in your eyes. I wonder do you see it in my eyes as well? ………………………………...


I said enough. I would never say any of that to him even if it is how I feel because …. I don't know why, I just wouldn't.

Ok first of all I think this is a wonderful idea firefly. I will probably post sometime later but just reading the letters to the ex's so far has made me start to cry and I don't think I can type anything at the moment. Just about the time I think I'm all tough and strong I cry and prove myself completely wrong.

Dear Andy,

We saw each other at work today, and you smiled big at me. And in that second I knew I still wasn't over you. I still love you as much as I had the day you got down on one knee and professed it to me. I felt your love today and I also felt your wall. I went back to my desk afterwards and I just cried and my chest began to ache really bad. I thought I was being strong, no contact, I tried to get myself to hate you for not being able to handle a relationship right now. But to no avail... I feel like I'm right back where I started. I want to talk to you so bad. There is so much I want to share with you. I miss you. I'm jealous of everyone who graces your presence because I can not. You told me days before you dumped me that you wanted me in your life. How does it feel now? We don't laugh at break. We don't kiss at lunch. We don't go to the movies. No more talks about philosophy, politics, god, or the ring. No more inside jokes. You don't know me anymore. I can't believe your OK with that. It hurts to know that you think you're happier sitting in my aunt's office at lunch making stupid small talk. It hurts me to know you would rather sit at home alone than even be near me. It makes me feel like I did something wrong when all I did was love you the best I can. I know you have issues right now, and that this wasn't my fault. It also scares me to know that if you want me back, you won't bother because you don't know how to ask for what you want anyway.



P.S. I lied.

Dear Ki,

I would like to thank you for everything you have ever done for me. I wish we could have
Grown old together had kids together and been happy together. But I now realize that you and I are on different paths in our lives. I refuse to be dependent on anyone for support when I can support myself. Even though it was fun 90 % of the time I now realize I was not truly happy. I don't need material things to justify who I am or make me proud. I hope you do find true happiness and move on to great things. I will always love u .

Lou

P.S.

Hope all is well with your family.
Tell them I said Hi :>)

Hi Stonewilder, yes, in a way it did help me to get it out. I was so tempted to send that e-mail to my ex, but it helped to just be able to post it somewhere.

I've been having such a bad day today. This time last year my ex decided he wanted to try to work things out with me (we had been broken up a couple of months at that time) We left the night before Thanksgiving to spend the weekend at the beach, which he does every year at this time (He's a Jehovahs Witness so he dosen't celebrate Thanksgiving). We had such a wonderful and romantic time together, and he told me that he wanted to spend his life with me. I know that he will be wanting to take his new girl with him there tonight, and that hurts me so much because he'll be romancing her the way he did me, and I'll be spending my time alone wishing that it was me that he's with.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by little firefly

Hi Stonewilder, yes, in a way it did help me to get it out. I was so tempted to send that e-mail to my ex, but it helped to just be able to post it somewhere.

I've been having such a bad day today. this time last year my ex decided he wanted to try to work things out with me (we had been broken up a couple of months at that time) We left the night before Thanksgiving to spend the weekend at the beach, which he does every year at this time (He's a Jehovahs Witness so he dosen't celebrate Thanksgiving). We had such a wonderful and romantic time together, and he told me that he wanted to spend his life with me. I know that he will be wanting to take his new girl with him there tonight, and that hurts me so much because he'll be romancing her the way he did me, and i'll be spending my time alone wishing that it was me that he's with.

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I'm so sorry you have to feel such pain. I know it's hard especially during the holidays. I wish there were something inspirational I could say to ease your pain (and everyone else here) but I guess heartache is just a part of life sometimes. I'm glad you had the idea to post letters to our ex's. It did feel good to tell my ex how I feel even if he never sees it. Somehow we will all get past our heartaches and find love again.

All of the pain that we are feeling is just apart of love. Love and pain go hand in hand. The level of hurt that we are facing shows how compassionate each of us are. It's a great idea to post letters such as this on here. Thanks for creating it. Stay strong.

Just thought this deserved to be bumped

Hey Anna,

I was a little sad because I did not hear from you for the past holiday I was pretty upset. On the other hand you opened my eyes to see that you really are not in love with. I see how cold you are. I see you are looking for something else, something other then me. I see how cold you can be and that's not a attack on you it's just the way you are.

Happy Holidays...

Chris

Dear ex,

It's been a year, and I'm proud to say that I'm totally over you. I'm happy, and currently filled with inspiration, I'm looking forward to my future, and I'm just really happy.

I hope you're happy too!

Kaitou

Dear Sarah

I just wanted to say that I really don't give a damn any more. I'd hoped you'd look at things and work out why people treat you the way they do.
Unfortunately you haven't learned a damn thing and you are still convinced the fault lies with others.
Wrong.
I for one cannot live with someone who thinks lying and stealing are acceptable behaviour.
Your new Fella is truly welcome to you. I wish him well and bear him no malice. But just bear in mind, if your poor Father knew the truth about you, it would break his heart just as surely as it broke mine.
Good Luck for the future.

Huggis1

V,

For weeks I knew I would take you back. It was a no brainer. I didn't even have to stress about it because I knew I would. It didn't matter what you had done. I only knew that no matter what you had put me through it couldn't be worse then living the rest of my life without you. I knew it wasn't possible that your love for me was gone, the bond was just to strong. Lately I've started to resent you. I resent that you took seven years of my life. I resent that you spent all of those years convincing me that this was forever. I resent that with absolutely no warning you walked away leaving me shattered and broken. I resent that when people cut you down and called you a piece of $hit I defended you. I said but you don't understand, he has to have a good reason or he's just confused and doesn't know what he's doing right now, I made excuses for you over and over. I knew you so well and I knew that this wasn't something you would do to me, it wasn't possible. I spent weeks trying to deal with my broken heart and at the same time trying to cope with the constant presents of you in my thoughts. It was torture, it was like my entire mental state was in jepordy. It was acually terrifying not being able to rely on any kind of rational thought. Eventually reality began to settle in a little each day. I began to come to terms with some of the things you have actually done. I know that you left me to start a life with someone that is so f'd up, even her friends laugh at what a fool she's making of you. Now the latest news is you are not very happy in your new found life and I guess that should make me happy. All it really does is make me sick, it makes me sick that you threw away seven happy years for something only four months into it is shakey at best. I do hope you've learn at least a couple things. What goes around, comes back around and that the grass is usually NEVER greener on the other side of the fence.

D.

I was half way through typing out my letter and then I just broke down. I found it so hard to keep it all together, I must still be trying to heal.

Feel quite ashamed with myself now though, thought it would have done me good.

I'll have to give it another go one day soon :(

Quote:

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I was half way through typing out my letter and then I just broke down. I found it so hard to keep it all together, I must still be trying to heal.

Feel quite ashamed with myself now though, thought it would have done me good.

I'll have to give it another go one day soon

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Don't feel ashamed because you ARE still trying to heal just like me and so many others of us here. It's just going to take more time, but I promise that you will get there... we all will. And until we do, we're all here to help each other through it. Peace to you my friend. :)