My first "taking a break".
Hello all - my name is Dan, I'll be 22 in December, and I'm in desperate need of advice. I can't get enough at this point.
I've read a few things here and on some other boards... At this point I'm convinced my girlfriend doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore, but she hasn't completely decided yet.
We stopped having sex about three weeks ago. She attributed it to depression over our friend's death that happened over the summer, and I never questioned it. He died after I came back from studying abroad - her and I maintained contact and true to one another while I was away. When I came back I lived with her for a few months until I got a new apartment. Probably a huge mistake, as we were quickly spending every day with one another.
A little over a week ago she told me that she doesn't feel capable of being in a relationship right now - with school especially, it's just too much stress.
Wow... as I am typing this, I'm realizing how much of a dunce I am. I'll go on anyway...
Last week she started talking to a guy from class who has a girlfriend at another school. She assured me it was fine, and was disappointed if I showed a hint of jealousy. Pretty much since we stopped having sex I've felt subconsciously more insecure, and her starting to hang out with other guys that I've never met before began eating away at my guts like fire.
It still is. Tonight is the first night where... I had no idea who she was actually hanging out with. She's been keeping busy, catching up with old friends, and meeting new ones (including single, attractive guys she assures me she is not interested in). I've been trying as hard as I can to give her as much space as possible - I haven't been texting or calling much, if at all. I have emailed her once or twice mentioning that this break is hard, but I am working at it... I called her on Saturday before she was meeting with said single guy, and asked for some reassurance that she won't be falling away from me while I'm trying to get my act together. In retrospect, that probably made me look quite feeble in comparison to him...
I've been meditating twice a day - quite intense stuff that usually leaves me feeling energized and clear-headed. As the severity of this has become more clear, it's getting harder to find peace...
Advice from friends is across the spectrum - get out now, let her go, heal yourself; be patient, don't make any demands of her...
Today is the first day since our break I've had this much trouble... I can't stop thinking about her, wanting her to want me again. I haven't been the most attractive person of late - my self-esteem feels quite crippled and with the way classes are going it is SO hard to see a way out. I texted her twice this evening, which seems like a mistake now that she didn't reply. I just asked if she was having a good time, and after that, that I'd talk to her tomorrow perhaps.
She said specifically that we shouldn't set any rules for this break... god, but at the same time she said she isn't interested in other people. But I know that isn't true... though I feel pretty confident that she won't act on anything. But of course, my perspective of confidence is skewed at this point - I'm not doing well.
It seems like I'm going to need counseling soon. I talked to my sister and mother tonight, and I just started crying for no apparent reason during the conversation. I am deeply troubled that it is over already, but this girl has been growing and growing on me over the past year. This will be the second almost-perfect love for me... and on top of my friend's death from the summer and finals coming up soon, I am on the verge of crisis.
Please, any advice... and what should I avoid doing to put her off me even more?