Ask Me Help Desk - I'm down to the wire.

I can't take it anymore. My husband and I aren't getting along again. I'm mad cause he went out camping with the GUYS just 4 days ago and now he plans on going out again with the GUYS to drink and sit around a camp fire all night. I told him that it wasn't fair and he told me that he doesn't give a f*** if it's fair or not. He thinks I don't deserve a break. I am the one that takes care of the kid, gets him to school, does all the house work. I can't remember the last time I seen him lift a finger. I am just so tired of him acting like it's just him in this house. He doesn't ever ask if me and his son would like to go do something. And I don't understand why men think it's atuomatically the women's job to stay home with the kid(s) while they go out and have fun whenever they want. It's not fair guys. Every time I try to talk to him about how I am feeling about our marriage he blows off and tells me to leave him alone and if I don't then he will say that he doesn't love me. I know that when your mad that you will say stuff that you don't really mean. I do it to. But, how can I get him to calm down and open up to me. He is really about to lose his family and he acts like he doesn't care. Why are men like this? I feel like he doesn't care about me anymore or doesn't love me. I asked him if he thought I deserved time away to and he said that he didn't know. Every time I ask him a question, it's always an I don't know. That is bull crap. That's not an answer. Please any help on how I can deal with this without saying stuff I don't mean and possibly losing him? Please help.

If he doesn't give a f***, ask him if he gives a f*** if you leave him, and see what he says then. Ask him if he loves you, and if he ever says he doesn't, I say it's time to show him that you're not going to be treated like dirt. I HATE men who treat women like this, and I know there's women that do it too, but this is emotional abuse, in my opinion. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by charlotte234s

If he doesn't give a f***, ask him if he gives a f*** if you leave him, and see what he says then. Ask him if he loves you, and if he ever says he doesn't, I say it's time to show him that you're not going to be treated like dirt. I HATE men who treat women like this, and I know there's women that do it too, but this is emotional abuse, in my opinion. :(

Thanks, I agree with you. I told him that he is emotionally abusing me but, he doesn't see how. And every time I ask him something about our marriage, it's always I don't know. I will tell him that its not an answer and he says yes it is. I admitt that I am part of the reason we're not getting along but, I realize that and I am trying to do something about it. I don't want to lose him but, I just don't know if I love him anymore. And I don't know how to figure it out either. Anyway, thanks for your input. I'm going to lay down and rest my head. Have a major headache after crying for a couple hours. Why are men like this? Some guys are great. Why couldn't I get one like that?

Have you talked to him about maybe getting marriage counseling?

I hope you feel better and things start looking up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by charlotte234s

Have you talked to him about maybe getting marriage counseling?

I hope you feel better and things start looking up.

Yeah, I tried that already. He said that crap is gay and we don't need to do that. We got in another big fight this morning cause he thought I was listening in on his phone call. And he said that he wanted a divorce. He's threaten that with me long time ago. If he really wanted it, he would have already gotten the papers. He was really mad this morning and so was I. And I think we both said a couple words that we really didn't mean. He's gone tonight. Went drinking all night with the guys somewhere. So, I've got time to think of what I want to do. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure if I love him either and I have no idea how to tell. I think I will give him a couple weeks and if he doesn't change his mind, then I will give him his stupid divorce. But, I told him that he is not going to find a woman that will let him go out all the time and not say anything. Especially if there is a kid at home. I told him that it's time to grow up. He was calling me names and everything and I was the one that was trying to be calm about this and get everything out in the open and fix this. But, he never wants to talk. He's only 24 and I'm 23 and we have a 4 year old son. Do you think that it's cause we're young and don't really know the meaning of marriage? I don't know, I'm just trying to think positive. I just feel like if we get a divorce that I will never have anyone else in my life and don't know how I would bounce back from all this. Anyway, thanks for being so sweet. Hope you had a good day. Later.

Do you have somewhere to go? Like your parents? I think you should leave and give him a couple of days alone and see what happens. If he comes to you and wants to work this out - tell him the only way is to go to counseling. You two need to learn to communicate with one another. Yes, you are young. Does that have anything to do with it? I don't know. But, it sounds like he is emotionally abusing you. Acting like a single guy, coming and going as he pleases. If he wants to be single, there isn't much you can do about that. You owe it to yourself to find that out.

And if you do end this marriage, you will find someone else. Your life doesn't end because you get a divorce. You still have things to offer. Do not let anyone make you feel like you have nothing to offer. You have value.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NowWhat

Do you have somewhere to go? Like your parents? I think you should leave and give him a couple of days alone and see what happens. If he comes to you and wants to work this out - tell him the only way is to go to counseling. You two need to learn to communicate with one another. Yes, you are young. Does that have anything to do with it? I don't know. But, it sounds like he is emotionally abusing you. Acting like a single guy, coming and going as he pleases. If he wants to be single, there isn't much you can do about that. You owe it to yourself to find that out.

And if you do end this marriage, you will find someone else. Your life doesn't end because you get a divorce. You still have things to offer. Do not let anyone make you feel like you have nothing to offer. You have value.

Thanks. No I really don't have any where to go. I don't want to leave my son and he has school. Plus, he told me from the get go that he is not that type of guy that will chase a woman. That if she wants to go, then let her go. All I'm asking him to do is show that I matter to him. I mean come on, why couldn't I go with them camping. I like doing guy stuff. But, he never at least timps to offer. I know that you need time apart and hang out with friends. But, in his eyes, he can only do that. He never even wants to go to the park and spend time with his kid. He's is one of them guys that if he doesn't want to do it or whatever then he won't. I like have no friends to hang out with. I would ask him to envite his friends over that has a family and see if we click so I can make friends. But, he doesn't want to. He makes me feel like he is ashamed of me. He doesn't like how big I am. Maybe he is embarrassed and won't admit it. I don't know. I'm going to give him a break and not talk to him. I could go to my grandma's in Paris, Arkansas and give him this whole week. But, it's Thanksgiving. When I would go visit my sister for a weekend all I want to do is come home to him. Why? He says that I am paranoid, and I am. I can't help it. I have to know what is going on all the time. Even if it doesn't involve me. What can I do to stop that. I just feel like he is always hiding something from me. I know that he loves me. He said it last week when I told him that I was sorry for the past and said that I did love him. I'm so hurt right now. I can't decide on what to do. I'm just tired of being hurt and put down all the time.

If getting help to fix your problems is 'gay', then what does he think fighting and arguing is, totally sweet? He needs a reality check, he sounds like an immature teenager.

Also, if he needs so much privacy, maybe he's up to something, and personally, it sounds to me like he has a drinking problem.

I agree with the others but wanted to add if 'n when you can't take it any more and ready to give up on the marriage (not caring which way it goes) you might try never having time for him make your own plans and not be there for him. If he really cares he will see how it feels with you treating him like he treats you. But be prepared for your next step if he still doesn't give a f*** or decides he doesn't want to be with the new you.
Guys that say they don't care one way or another generally have N0 real feelings for you and if they do they best change their ways before they do lose you. Why put yourself through that torture? You have a right to have someone that can show you love and a REAL relationship. I am happier alone than with someone that is that selfish and inconsiderate.