I was with my x for about 10 months and when I told him I was pregnant, he said he wasn't ready and asked me to get an abortion. When I told him I wasn't getting an abortion, he stopped talking to me and changed his number.

I sent his mom a letter with a picture of my ultrasound and asked her to still be involved with my baby when it is born, even though her son doesn't want to... am I wrong for doing this? :confused:

No, and you will be able to collect child support from him legally even if he doesn't want to be involved in the baby's life personally.

sadd, I am sorry you are in this predicament and a good pat on the back for wanting to keep your baby and I hope it works out for you. It isn't easy nowadays being a single mom but I guess many older women feeling their biological clock ticking choose to have a baby without a father being involved.

I do think you were wrong in involving his mother and it was very inappropriate sending her a picture of your ultrasound especially when he made it quite clear by changing his number that he doesn't want to be involved.

Good luck !

I don't think it's wrong for her to know she has a grandchild, honestly, but some people feel differently. I do think you are brave and you must be very strong to go it alone. I hope you have very good luck, and I know you will be blessed. :)

That's not wrong at all, it's a good thing to have the grandmother in the babies life even if the father dose not want to. Oh and congratulations

What kind of a relationship did you have with his mother?

Did you send her that ultrasound with intentions of getting to him? Or do you really want her in your babies life? I guess that would be the main question before we even try and tell you our opinions if it was wrong or right!
I wish you all the luck in the world taking on this baby by yourself! Hugs!

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Originally Posted by sadd

I was with my x for about 10 months and when I told him I was pregnant, he said he wasnt ready and asked me to get an abortion. When I told him I wasnt getting an abortion, he stopped talking to me and changed his number.

I sent his mom a letter with a picture of my ultrasound and asked her to still be involved with my baby when it is born, eventhough her son doesn't want to.....am I wrong for doing this? :confused:

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I don't think your wrong did his mom react bad to you being pregnant hey if you want to talk my name is olga my email is [email protected] I'm a mom and my daughter is 17 and is going to have a baby but I was in your shoes I got pregnant at 14 and when I told the father he also left my behind

I'm the proud parent to two kids I never wanted but still raised.my question is,why would you bring a child into this world knowing that the father wants no part of the child's or your life?I can't comprehend why women do this and expect the 'father' to change once you go against his wishes.

She may want to be a part and for you being a good person and involving her was a very nice thing to do... she may be his mom but she's not responsible for his mistakes

Conscious: Wow - I am shocked at what you said. More - how you said it!

First: She may feel like that baby that is growing in her is a part of her life. Even though the father might not want to be in the baby's life does not mean that she should not have a chance! There are many, many, many single parents out there that do a dang good job in raising their children.

Second: Where did she say that she expects the father to change? And for her going against the fathers wishes... well maybe he shouldn't have been having sex if he wasn't ready to have a baby. He's OK with her having a abortion. She apparently was not! That does not mean that she should just follow his choice.


Sadd: I commend you for wanting his mom in the child's life. Now if she does not want to be there, then at least you can say that you tried.

Sad part is that you did not know or want to know how much of a jerk this guy was before you got pregnant. I do applaud you for wanting to keep the baby. As soon as it is born, get a paternity test and then a lawyer. Take him to court and get child support. He may be a fool, but that is no excuse for not supporting his child

I don't think that you were wrong by sending the ultrasound to her.Just because he doesn't want to be there doesn't mean that his mother doesn't want to be.My ex asked the same of me recently,but he accepts my decision.Atleast he says he does.We broke up about 2 weeks before I found out the news.Hang in there and keep your head up.I know that it's hard right now, but it's his loss and one day he just may regret this decision.

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Originally Posted by sadd

I was with my x for about 10 months and when I told him I was pregnant, he said he wasnt ready and asked me to get an abortion. When I told him I wasnt getting an abortion, he stopped talking to me and changed his number.

I sent his mom a letter with a picture of my ultrasound and asked her to still be involved with my baby when it is born, eventhough her son doesn't want to.....am I wrong for doing this? :confused:

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The grandmother's right to know the child are not foreited by the father not wanting to be involved. A child is a wonderful gift, planned or not. It is the father's loss and if he ever realizes or doesn't should be of no concern of yours right now. Love your baby and do your best. Congratulations! I have a friend with an identical situation, her son is 4, she gets child support sporatically, but he has only seen his son a few times, I don't even think the kid realizes that he is his dad. It sucks. I would rather say forget your money and never have the kid even see him if I were able to be in the position to do so.

I think it's okay to have the grandmother involved, if she wants to be. It will make it difficult if the 'sperm donor' is around. But, as far as the child support is concerned... I think that since he made it quite clear that he wants nothing to do with the child then he shouldn't be made to financially support it. I don't have any children so maybe I am talking out of turn. I just think the baby should know who their 'sperm donor' is but why involve him in the child's life, I think it would just bring up too much confusion and hurt.

If he decides to be a part of the child's life later then you can revisit the responsabilities he has in order to have the rights.

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Originally Posted by conscious

im the proud parent to two kids i never wanted but still raised.my question is,why would you bring a child into this world knowing that the father wants no part of the childs or your life?i can't comprehend why women do this and expect the 'father' to change once you go against his wishes.

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If he was so not prepared be a father, then maybe he should not be having sex. All because abortion is an option is don't mean every female is ready to kill their baby and her choice. Everyone who has sex knows the risks involves, regardless if you use condoms or birth control it not bulletproof, so abortions could not be an escape plan, what happens if there was no such thing?

I like to say to the OP I hope you have a good support base, like family and friends, and if not there are groups out there that can help close by where you live. Even though the father don't support this pregnancy he can support the child once it born, whether he's in the child life, so you make sure you take him to court to get help financially. Stay strong and I hope the mother help you and accept the child, grandmothers usually do, unless she's stupid like her son.

I wish you the best and whatever you do stay strong, you can click on my name and send me an email, the link is there.