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-   -   Urgent suggestions regarding relationship needed (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=153292)

  • Nov 18, 2007, 01:37 AM
    rouguerahul
    Urgent suggestions regarding relationship needed
    I met this very cute girl about an year ago and we started going on.today we both love each other a lot.and we decided to get married after some time and all that stuff any happy couple would plan.but 2months ago I got to know this from her close friends and some other common and very good friends of ours that she has had relations with 5 other guys before me.and that she got physical with them.her friends told me that she WAS IN LOVE WITH the first two guys and the rest who came were for time pass and the fun stuff.I am shocked as she said to me she had one guy who dumped her in past
    BUT I Haven't SPOKEN TO HER REGARDING ALL THIS AS on the othr hand right from the time we have strted going on she has been honest and highly committed in our relation.she has proved this time and again that she can do anything for me... and has loved me and taken care of me and all of my things amazingly.and marrying me seems to be the main goal of her life.

    I AM HIGHLY CONFUSED AND SAD FROM INSIDE AS AT TIMES I FEEL SHE HAS FOOLED ME AND ON THE OTHER HAND SHE LOVES ME.ITS LIKE SOMEONE AFTER ENJOYING AND MESSING AROUND WITH SO MANY GUYS Finally WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A GUY WHO KNOWS NOTHING AT ALL.THIS THOUGHT KEEPS CROSSING MY MIND AND I AM UNABLE TO CONTROL AS I can't EXPRESS THAT FEELING.DONT KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT IT GUYS

    I WANTED TO TALK TO SOMEONE REGARDING THIS AND FINALLY GOT A PLACE.SO I JUST WANT YOU GUYS TO JUMP IN WRITE YOUR SUGGESTIONS AND VIEWS
    THANKS
    GOD BLESS ALL.ALWAYS SMILE
  • Nov 18, 2007, 01:52 AM
    needofhelp
    Let's see if I got this straight. She told you she was with one guy before and you found out that she was with 5 guys. You feel she lied to you about how many guys she was with. Maybe she was embarrassed about telling how many people she has been with?

    Either way, that stuff is in the past, and should remain there. You said it yourself, she is committed and has a goal to marry you. You know her better than anyone, how she feels about you. If it is bothering you that much and if you guys can tell each other anything, maybe you can bring it up and what you heard.

    Ask yourself this, are you going to regret brining this up or not brining it up? What good will come from bringing it up from the past. It sounds like you two got something going well. I guess you might be wondering if she has not been upfront with anything else.

    Good luck. Wish you the best.
  • Nov 18, 2007, 06:25 AM
    stonewilder
    Let me see if I got this right. She told you that other than you she's only been with one other guy. Now you have found out she has been with 5 guys actually. Your concern is that she wasn't honest with you and /or that she being more experience than you makes you feel insecure about your abilities sexually?

    In most cases friends should mind there own business. If you want to make this marriage work you need to stop listening to what they are saying or at the least talk to your girlfriend about it before making any judgments on her.

    How do these friends know she actually had sex with the guys? Were they in the room watching for God sakes?

    I would guess she told you early in the relationship that she had been with only one guy. Did you ever think maybe she told you this because she either didn't want you to feel insecure or maybe she cared enough that she was afraid you would stop seeing her if she told you the truth?

    Stop being so insecure and judgmental about what she did or didn't do in her past. You either love her and want to marry her or you don't. So what if she is more experienced than you. She picked you didn't she? That must mean something. It wasn't like she cheated on you.
  • Nov 18, 2007, 06:43 AM
    Matteus
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by rouguerahul
    i met this very cute girl about an year ago and we started going on.today we both love each other alot.and we decided to get married after some time and all that stuff any happy couple would plan.but 2months ago i gotta know this from her close friends and some other common and very good friends of ours that she has had relations with 5 other guys before me.and that she got physical with them.her friends told me that she WAS IN LOVE WITH the first two guys and the rest who came were jst for time pass and the fun stuff.i am shocked as she said to me she had one guy who dumped her in past
    BUT I HAVENT SPOKEN TO HER REGARDING ALL THIS AS on the othr hand right from the time we have strted going on she has been honest and highly commited in our relation.she has proved this time and again that she can do anything for me.....and has loved me and taken care of me and all of my things amazingly.and marrying me seems to be the main goal of her life.

    I AM HIGHLY CONFUSED AND SAD FROM INSIDE AS AT TIMES I FEEL SHE HAS FOOLED ME AND ON THE OTHER HAND SHE LOVES ME.ITS LIKE SOMEONE AFTER ENJOYING AND MESSING AROUND WITH SO MANY GUYS FINALY WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A GUY WHO KNOWS NOTHING AT ALL.THIS THOUGHT KEEPS CROSSING MY MIND AND I AM UNABLE TO CONTROL AS I can't EXPRESS THAT FEELING.DONT KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT IT GUYS

    I WANTED TO TALK TO SOMEONE REGARDING THIS AND FINALLY GOT A PLACE.SO I JUST WANT YOU GUYS TO JUMP IN WRITE YOUR SUGGESTIONS AND VIEWS
    THANKS
    GOD BLESS ALL.ALWAYS SMILE

    Why was it so important for you to know how many guys she had before? Everyone has its own life, and the past is just the past. But what you have to worry about is the thing "love": Is that only a lust or love ? Can you make the difference? Usually, in the Lust stage, we do everything to please our partner, because we want their approval we are worth for them. In the lust stage, we can't understand the bad side of our partner or the real differences, cause everyone wants to show their best part. We even make promises, and its only to please the other partner. But remember, they are only words. After the lust stage, comes the real truth. Everyone begins to be independent to each other, they don't make a priority of their life to please the partner. It's the stage when most of couples usually go to the divorce, and breakup, and some of them really resists. It's the stage when everyone shows their real face, their real behaviour, their real good and bad sides. And the stage when partners see the differences between them. So, for now have fun, and enjoy the lust stage. Wait another 3-4 months, and everything will be changed (for good or for bad).

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