Why did my ex have to be such a jerk?

I sent him an email this morning... people told me not to do it, but I am weak I guess... told him I was working on being less passive-aggressive, could he send me my stuff from the house, wished things could have worked out but if he has moved on nothing else to say, and hope we can both find happiness one day.

His reply? "I will send your stuff asap!" That was it.

I responded... did you read this? It wasn't really about my stuff... nevermind, just send me my stuff when you can. No need to be rude. I am out of your life for good.

I tried to take the high road and got shot down. All you people that advised me not to do this - you were right and I am sorry I let you all down!

Anyway, normally I ask a real question, but I just wanted to see if other people can relate to this drama.

Guys react like that generally from my experience. They don't find the need for fluff. He is probably hurt just like you, but guys and girls react differently. You want to be deap and generally guys don't get that. Could have just gone over his head what you were trying to convey. This is why contact right after isn't a good idea, the wound is still fresh. Things have to heal, and if you keep picking the scab it's going to take longer to get better. Every time you pick the scab the scar gets worse too. Gross analogy, but it works.

Well, it has been 2.5 months since I moved out of the house. We were together for 4 years. I know through the grapevine that he started dating someone as soon as I left. They must have met while we were still together. I was angry and hurt. Did no contact for a while, but decided to send an email explaining my feelings because I was finding it hard to move on.

Good news is I no longer feel like I want to be with him. If he can move on so fast after 4 years -- and I moved to 2 different states to be with him during those 4 years -- he is not worth the time I spent pining away for him. Just wish we could have ended things honestly and on good terms, but that is not my fault he chose to be that way about it.

Ever thought he wasn't being rude? :/ you can only transfer so many emotions through email. Mabye the ! Was not meant to mean he was being rude, he was just letting you know he was going to send it soon as possible.

BiWiccanAndProud that is exactly what I was thinking. Maybe that was a quick respectful you bet I will send it as soon as I can response. I think you're just still hurt and maybe a little sensitive right now. Which is normal, you need time to heal.

If that is the case, then should I just not contact him, or send another email saying sorry I overreacted. I feel like I am digging myself into a hole here.

He already has a new girlfriend. That is why I am being so sensitive.

Don't contact him to say anything, just let him send you your stuff and leave it at that. Whatever will come of it you will find out if anything.

His reply was calculated. I bet a buddy told him to say it. It is the first step in moving on. Be short and to the point. He is trying to come to terms with the fact it is over. I am a man. I've done that. It's not so much a rude issue, more so a necessary function to dispel any lingering possibility of a reconciliation. That or he moved on with another girl. It is what it is. Time for you to cut him off and emulate his treatment. Good luck.

Thanks. I tried to end it on good terms - that was the whole reason for the email. I won't do anything else... there is nothing left to do so I have to leave it alone now.

It just sucks. d*mned if you do, d*mned if you don't. Thanks though. Time to move on.

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Originally Posted by applehead2007

thanks. i tried to end it on good terms - that was the whole reason for the email. i won't do anything else...there is nothing left to do so i have to leave it alone now.

it just sucks. d*mned if you do, d*mned if you don't. Thanks though. Time to move on.

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You're welcome. It's OK, you don't have to worry, you did nothing wrong. You have the right mindset now anyway which is what is important. Time to break out the running shoes and buy an iPod. That's what I did.

Good luck to you applehead. Look you'll find someone new or an old flame and things will get better. Kudos to you for trying to make things good between you, most girls don't try for that. I send you many blessings ^.^

And enigmagnetic is right :p running does help... I've also found that painting does if you want to give it a try, or poetry.

Lots of people tend to be unnecessarily over-aggresive. Particularly men (I'm a man too, this is why I know).
In this case the best thing to do, in my opinion, is to relax, smile at the sunshining through your window, enjoy a good piece of music and forget about your personal effects.
They will eventually arrive, with a little bit of luck... And let this be a lesson for future relationships...

I think if you poke a stick at something, it might poke back.

I know your text to him was meant to be about "relationship" stuff, but he gets to read it the way he wants, gets to respond to it in a way that lets him get back to his life quickly. He did that.

I know you don't see it this way, but your text was an opening volley hoping to start a positive conversation between the two of you, it was designed to pave the way to some discourse. I hope you can see that.

But, he didn't want to discourse with you, so responded to only the part he had time for. It would help if you could see and respect that.

He wasn't rude. He was brief and to the point. As soon as you stop sending texts and analyzing them afterward, the better it will be for you.

And remember, you don't HAVE to think ill of him. You can let the good you had together be fond memories, and then look forward to the rest of your life. Disliking him now, even hating him, that actually gives him WAY more energy than you should.

Think about it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

ever thought he wasn't being rude? :/ you can only transfer so many emotions through email. Mabye the ! was not ment to mean he was being rude, he was just letting you know he was going to send it soon as possible.

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Well what I think she meant by rude is actually 'dry'. She pours out her heart and he just answers with a short unemotional answer. He has his right.. and I'm sure he was hurting too but I definitely found it dry for someone who's been with you for 4 years to get over it like that...

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