Seven degrees of Blonde!
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FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the
phone, listened a moment and said "How should I
know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said,
"I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the
coast is clear."

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SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One
notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down
to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The
second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the
first blonde hands her the compact. The second
one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy,
it's me!"

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THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to
his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her
purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and
puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

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FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of
state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask
me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK,
what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde
replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

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FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told
her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

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SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA
Freshman, sat in her US government class. The
professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then
finally said, "That was the decision George
Washington had to make before he crossed the
Delaware"

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SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to
find her house ransacked and burglarized. She
telephoned the police at once and reported the
crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the
first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran
out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the
cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I
come home to find all my possessions stolen. I
call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_19.gif

Hi,
Very good, Chery!
Here is another one:
A Big City lady lawyer was driving down a country dirt road, and came upon a sheep ranch. She drove up to the house, got out, and started looking around.
The man who owned it walked up to her and asked what she is doing. She replied that she was just curious about the sheep, and that they were really pretty. She asked the man, "If I can tell you the exact number of sheep you have out there, will you give me one, free?"
The man thought she was nuts, and said OK. The lawyer said "98". The man said "That's amazing; you are right; go get you one".
The lawyer was walking away toward her car, and the man yelled to her: "If I can tell you the true color of your hair, will you give me my dog back"?

Here is another one:
A doctor asked a blonde, worried about Bird Flu, if she knew the symptoms of Bird Flu. The blonde answered, "Yes there are 4 symptoms.".
1. Cold sweats.
2. Headaches
3. Muscle ache
4. Crapping all over windshields.

Have a great day.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by fredg

Hi,
Very good, Chery!!
Here is another one:
A Big City lady lawyer was driving down a country dirt road, and came upon a sheep ranch. She drove up to the house, got out, and started looking around.
The man who owned it walked up to her and asked what she is doing. She replied that she was just curious about the sheep, and that they were really pretty. She asked the man, "If I can tell you the exact number of sheep you have out there, will you give me one, free?"
The man thought she was nuts, and said OK. The lawyer said "98". The man said "That's amazing; you are right; go get you one".
The lawyer was walking away toward her car, and the man yelled to her: "If I can tell you the true color of your hair, will you give me my dog back"?

Here is another one:
A doctor asked a blonde, worried about Bird Flu, if she knew the symptoms of Bird Flu. The blonde answered, "Yes there are 4 symptoms.".
1. Cold sweats.
2. Headaches
3. Muscle ache
4. Crapping all over windshields.

Have a great day.

---

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_75.gifThose are cute! Humor is Good Medicine! Thanks for joining in.

:D :D :D nice jokes pals I hope I found more here
Have a nice day

An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, "We have lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it will take 7 hours to get to New York."

A little later, the pilot announced, "A second engine failed, but we still have two left. However, it will take 10 hours to get to New York."

Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced, "A third engine had died. Never fear, because the plane can fly on a single engine. However, it will now take 18 hours to get to new York."

At this point, a blondie passenger said, "Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!" :p

PS - I stole this. It did say "a passenger said"... but it sounded like a great blonde joke to me, so I inserted "blondie"... :D

All of your jokes are very hilarious I will try to post some too later.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nkhim

All of your jokes are very hillarious i will try to post some too later.

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THE MORE, THE MERRIER! Welcome and enjoy - it's great fun here, and also has super debates - just the right mix of about everything.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/8/8_6_21.gif

Q: What do you get a guy for his Birthday or Christmas, that already has everything.

A: A woman that shows him what to do with it.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/8/8_6_18.gif http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/8/8_6_2v.gif HAPPY NEW YEAR, my Forum Family!

POSSIBLY THE BEST BLONDE JOKE

A plane is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in
Economy Class
Gets up and moves to First Class and sits down. The
Flight attendant
Watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She
Then tells the blonde
Passenger that she's paid for Economy and that she
Will have to go and sit
In the back.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm
going to Sydney and
I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells
The pilot and co-pilot
That there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First
Class that belongs in
Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to
Explain that because
She only paid for economy she is only entitled to an
Economy seat and
She will have to return to her original seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm
going to Sydney and
I'm staying right here!"

Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was
No use and that he
Probably should have the police waiting when they
Land, to arrest this
Blonde girl that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle
this, I'm married to a
blonde, and I speak blonde!"

He walks back to the blonde, whispers in her ear,
And she says "Oh, I'm
sorry- I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her
Seat in the
Economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and
Asked him what he said
To make her move without any fuss.

The Pilot replied "I told her First Class isn't
:eek: going to Sydney"

Hey Jake - that was a good one! Thanks for sharing.

Here's another blond wrapup of the Year - hope you guys like it.
The following is from my CompletelyFreeSoftware Site:


SMILE OF THE WEEK
(contributions for this section are most welcome)
=: The Blond Year in Review :=

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.


February - Ordered new drapes for her computer because it had windows.


March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months because the box said "2-4 years."


April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.


May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water wouldn't fit into the little packet.


June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.


July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.


August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.


September - When asked what the capital of California was, she answered "C".


October - Hates M &Ms because they are so hard to peel. Threw away half because they were misprinted W&W.


November - Baked a turkey for four days because the instructions said one hour per pound and she weighed 120.


December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.
[author unknown]


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifKeep em coming!

Nice ones! Here is one but it isn't about blonds.

Caustion! Can Make Your Gut Hurt Bad!!

Ok there are 3 people. They have been captured by cannibals. The chief cannibla says they can live only by completing one task. He tells the three to go get 10 kinds of each fruit and come back. After they bring them he will tell them what to do next. So, the 3 guys leave and the first guy somes back with 5 apples. The chief cannibal tells him that he has to put each and everyone of the apples in his butt WITHOUT showing any emotion. He sticks one in and makes a face that shows pain. They kill him. The next guy some with 10 verry small berries. The chief tells him what to do. He sticks up to 9 berries before collapsing to the floor laughing. (Remember there were 3 people. A lot of people get confused here.). The first 2 people meet in heaven. The first guy asks, "Why did you laugh? You could have lived!!" and the second guy replies, "I couldnt help it!! I saw the other guy coming with PINEAPPLES!!!!":eek: :D

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."


And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you.."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.


Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

A PRAYER....


Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him;

And Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death.

AMEN


Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"


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lol here are some!


I once knew a blode that tripped over a wireless telephone!:eek:

I once knew a blonde that studied for a blood test!:p


I once knew a blode who failed a survey!:eek: (There are no wrong answers on a survey!)

I once knew a blonde that went on a "sea" food diet, and every time she saw food she ate it!

:p :p

This is a very not that funny joke my friend told me...


There is a blonde mother that has 3 kids. They are all girls. Only two look the same and one doesn't. The mother is mentally disabled and calls the twins Nobody and the other Stupid.15 years later they are grown up and they go out to walk. The 1 twin falls in a very deep hole and cries for help. The other twin tries to help her out. Stupid decides to run to a nearby cop. She says "Nobody fell in a hole and Nobody is helping her!!!" the cop answered, "Are you stupid?" and Stupid replies, "Yes I am and it is very nice to meet you too but could you go help Nobody pull out Nobody!?":eek:

I got another one... possibly the best one I've posted...

3 girls are climbing up a golden pyramid. 1 is a redhead 1 is a brown head and 1 is a blonde. Every step they take a mummy comes out and tells a joke. If they laugh they have to go down and never back up again. The redhead went up 28 stairs and laughed, the brown head went op 84 stairs then laughed, and finally the blonde went up 99 stairs then laughed before the mummy told the joke.So the mummy asked, "why did you laugh I haven't told the joke yet?" So she replied,"I barley got the 1st joke!".:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

My wife's classic not blonde:

Why is it so many women are bad at estimating distances and measurements?

Cause men have been lying to them about what 6 inches is for so long.

Very, very good ones!

Here is another:

"A dog is man's best friend".
What does that say about women.

Here are 2 jokes; Enjoy!

1) A Blonde Buys Curtains

A blonde goes into a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,
"I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink
Curtains. He showed her several patterns, but the blonde seemed to be
Having a hard time choosing.

Finally, she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked
What size curtains she needed. The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman, "That sounds very small. What room
are they for?"

The blonde says, "Oh, they are not for any room - they are for my
computer monitor." The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss,
computers do not have curtains." The blonde says, " Hellooooooooo -
I've got Windows."

2) This really hot redhead goes into the doctors office.
The doc asks. So what seams to be the problem
She says, Well doc my whole body's in pain. From head to toe.

Puzzled he says, What do you mean?
She said, look I'll show you. So she presses with her finger on her cheek and she screams like crazy. Then she presses on her arm and screams like crazy. She presses on her thigh and screams. Then lifts her leg and pushes on her ankle and screams.

The doctor looks at her and asks, You're not really a red head are you?
She says, No actually I'm a natural blonde, Why?

The Doc says cause your body is fine. Your finger is broken.